I havent posted in a while....the planning has calmed down some and school got really busy...but there is this one thing that I needed your girls opinion on. Kinda long story.
So 2 years ago my fiance and I got engaged and a few months later had an engagement pary. My family all lives on LI however my FI family lives all over the US. My FMIL insisted that I dont send any of them an invitation to the engagement so they dont feel obligated to send a gift. So fine...I complied.
So now my shower in coming up in a few months and I think she is going to say that it is not right to invite her side because they wont be able to come. What doyou think? Also just recently my FI cousin eloped and sent out a notice (with there adress on it) and his mother insisted we send them a gift for ELOPING!!! Dont you think that is the same if not WORSE than inviting someone to an actual party.
I know you girls will know best.
Thanks
edited for spelling
Maybride519
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
I absolutley think you should send them the invites this way you are giving them the option to decide whether or not they want to come, and in turn, they may even send a gift. I do not think that someone who eloped should get a gift over someone who is actually inviting you to the wedding (whether or not they can make it).
CaseyVM214
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
Posted by Maybride519
I absolutley think you should send them the invites this way you are giving them the option to decide whether or not they want to come, and in turn, they may even send a gift. I do not think that someone who eloped should get a gift over someone who is actually inviting you to the wedding (whether or not they can make it).
Hey...you are getting married on my birthday....
cammolax23
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
Posted by CaseyVM214
I agree, but his mother thinks that I will offend them if I invite them, because they obviously cannot come. That is why she didnt want me to invite any of her family I am talking parents and siblings to the engagement party. The problem is that she has also brainwashed my FI into thinking this is appropriate. Isnt there any rules and who you are or arent suppose to invite to a shower.
technically for your shower you invite the all the woman that you are close with, and it is common practice to invite all or most that are invited to the wedding. Invite them all!! its gifts that they want to give, and I know that if i didnt even cinsider the family from out of state I would be getting a earful from them, about how offended they were for not even thinking about them! Good Luck
Ser29
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
I had a similar situation.. we didn't invite a lot of FH family to the engagement party because we didn't think they would come .. but I will be inviting everyone to the shower and of course the wedding... the more the merrier, even if they only send a gift
PrincessRose
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
Posted by CaseyVM214
Posted by PrincessRose
Personally, I think inviting OOT people is fishing for gifts. We didn't invite anyone from DH's family anyway (aside from MIL and her mother), because I don't really know any of those people, and my family and BMs (who threw the shower) didn't think it made sense to invite people I'd never met to the shower.
Interesting. I thought it was etiquet to invite all the woman from the wedding to the shower...maybe I was wrong. OK so let me ask you this....where does OOT start...Jersey...Virginia? I mean where doyou draw the line? This is what confuses me about my FMIL arguement. And then does that mean I exclude the one aunt I have OOT...she might not be able to come...but then am I 'fishing for gifts' from her too or is it just his family. I guess I just feel like 1. who and I to decide if people would come or not and 2. why should my family feel 'obligated' to send gifts and not his? If people dont want to send a gift they shouldnt.
Sorry Vent JMO
No I completely understand the sticky position you're in.
But the way I feel about it is that the shower is supposed to be a special party thrown in your honor by the women in YOUR LIFE. I didn't invite 'Aunt Susie' from MIL's side because I've never met her!
My Shower was in Connecticut, and we invited people from as far away as NJ and Syracuse, NY. The Syracuse guest was the mother of my Matron of Honor, whom I've known my whole life and would not have missed my shower for anything.
When in doubt invite the people who are important to you no matter how far away they are, and don't invite the people who aren't important to you.
julybride06
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
I have learned from my FMIL...to comply to an extent. At first I also complied with her..but now I realize that it doesn't matter if you give them what they want..they will still act crazy. so do what you want! It's your wedding..and if they come they come!
I also think eloping and is much worse than actually being invited. But it's nice to acknowledge it.
CaseyVM214
Posted:
Member since
Re: Sending Gift for Eloping and FMIL
So basically I shouldnt invite his family because they arent important to me...well I can grasp that adn it is partially true. I could care less if any of them come...I ve only met them a few times...but isnt that a funny way to start off a marriage? Dont you think that send the wrong message....shouldnt I be trying to in clude everyone...ya know ...the joining of two families?
