September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
mariannarose
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Hi everyone! I just want some outside opinions/advice as to whether I should keep my December date or change it to September.
My friend has had a 4 year engagement - finally getting married October 2014. My FH and I got engaged labor day weekend and have been together for 7 years. The day she saw the ring she said it would be a great idea to get married labor day weekend the following year and I said before you?! No way.
We decided we should get married after them because it seemed like the right thing to do considering how long they waited.. but didn't want to wait 2 years to get married since we have been together a long time - so booked a venue for early December 2014.. I have since been hesitant about the weather but keep pushing it out of my mind.
Now my friend wants to make sure her bridal shower and bachelorette party are 'first'.. which is making me really stressed/upset that she never appreciated me booking my wedding after hers and cares so much about being 'first' for this silly junk that doesn't matter. I just want to get married and she is complaining to my other friend who is her maid of honor.
NOW IN THE MEAN TIME - I get offered a permanent position at my job and they are not happy about me leaving for a 2 week honeymoon in December because it is our busiest season. So because I am so annoyed about everything I call the venue and see if they have any other days Sept/Oct/Nov - the only date they have is Sept 1st.. labor day and the same price! Which would be so meaningful since it was the weekend we got engaged. I am afraid to even speak to my friend about this idea - but is she even a good friend anymore if she is so selfish?? I know all of this won't mean anything in a year but I am so indecisive about a December wedding as it is and want my honeymoon to at least be everything I ever dreamed of!
Please share any thoughts you have!!! :)
Jocelyn1977
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Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Honestly, and please don't be offended if I come off as too blunt...but your friend (I believe) is being ridiculous. Who cares about being first?? You both get to fall in love and get married to the person that you love. She should be ecstatic for you - and you for her. I mean, it would be different if you wanted to get married within a couple weekends of her - then she would be so swamped with things to do that she wouldn't be able to enjoy your festivities. But, come on! You have a new career to think about - and that date is meaningful to you. She should definitely understand - or just get over it. I've been with my FH for almost 5 years now and we just got engaged this past summer. I've had good friends meet people after I met FH - and STILL get married before me. I certainly put the 'bug' in FHs ear every time that happened, but I was nothing but happy for my friend/s. Move the wedding to the more meaningful, less stressful, and more joy-producing day that you want. If she doesn't come around, well, what can you do....
xBudgetBridex
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
I agree that's nuts!!! I have 2 friends dating way les then me abd fh, got engaged AFTER us and are both getting married Before us!! I'm. March 2015, my bridesmaid is Dec 2014, his groomsmen is feb 2015 (2 weeks before us in FLORIDA!!) this is going to be difficult yes! but who the hell cares!!! the florida part for me sucks but I'm over it!
I would explain to your friend that it's about your career! you have no choice! BUT if you booked any vendors I would make sure they have Sep 1st available too!!
Lguido
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
I would totally go with the sept date if that's what you and f.h want. I don't want to sound cold but the both of you have to do what's best for yourselves & what makes you guys happy. Weddings are very expensive & you should go for what u want & have no regrets!
gberti
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
September!!
ajunebride14
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
We had a similar situation. The FH's best man has 3 other weddings around the same time as ours and kept trying to push is to a different date. In the beginning, we were trying to pick a date/ season that we wanted but that also helped his BM out. We had to sit back and realize that it's our day and no one else's so we decided to do what meant most to us and let his BM figure it out. If he wasn't able to pull off all of the weddings than that was up to him. Not our problem!
Definitely do September! It's such an awesome month and obviously has meaning. She'll figure it out and move on.
KTF11
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Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Posted by Jocelyn1977
Honestly, and please don't be offended if I come off as too blunt...but your friend (I believe) is being ridiculous. Who cares about being first?? You both get to fall in love and get married to the person that you love. She should be ecstatic for you - and you for her. I mean, it would be different if you wanted to get married within a couple weekends of her - then she would be so swamped with things to do that she wouldn't be able to enjoy your festivities. But, come on! You have a new career to think about - and that date is meaningful to you. She should definitely understand - or just get over it. I've been with my FH for almost 5 years now and we just got engaged this past summer. I've had good friends meet people after I met FH - and STILL get married before me. I certainly put the 'bug' in FHs ear every time that happened, but I was nothing but happy for my friend/s. Move the wedding to the more meaningful, less stressful, and more joy-producing day that you want. If she doesn't come around, well, what can you do....
This!
A friend shouldn't stress you out over this... 'first' is not important, and you have a career to think about. Go with what works best for you, its your wedding.
cets1290
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Member since
September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
book labor day!! It's a time of the year that you want and you can take your honeymoon... not to sound like a mean person, but your friends' thoughts on this shouldn't even be considered. It's YOUR day and no matter what day you choose, someone will have a problem with it.
I have a huge family, and had 6 weddings this past year alone. Seeing how they all handled their showers, bachlorettes, and weddings, it made me realize that you can't please everyone and you just have to make wedding decisions based on what makes sense for you.
haw4
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
I believe true friends will be happy with you regardless of who has been engaged longer and whomever gets married first. I think she's acting like a bit of a bridezilla (no offense). I really think that since the date you guys got engaged is available and it's the same price, it's meant to be. Get married when you want and don't let this 'first' thing get in the way. I know it's hard since she's your friend, but true friends will get over it and be happy for you.
September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
I'm also on the September bandwagon! It was nice of you to originally book your wedding after hers, but totally unnecessary, IMO. If September is better for you because of the weather, your job, and the meaning behind it, then you should go for it.
To me, you get ONE DAY to be the princess. You're not entitled to a shower or bachelorette and you're not entitled to dictate when these happen in relation to other people's events.
ashandscott2015
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
Ive honestly learned, that you cannot make everyone happy especially when it comes to petty things like this. Don't worry about what she wants and focus on what you want. if she gets mad at you over something like this then she wasn't a real friend to begin with. Life is too short to live with regret.
mariannarose
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!! I am so happy I reached out to get some advice - you are all very sweet and it made me feel SO much better about everything to know I am not in the wrong if I change the date to September! I will definitely let you all know what we do :) Congrats to all you bride to be's and happy planning!!
coffeeisgreen
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
Good luck!! I agree with Jocelyn in every way. That is not cool for your friend to be that way. It's not like you're set on doing it the same weekend as her you know? Do what's best for you. Let us know what you do!
Percz2418
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Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Posted by haw4
I believe true friends will be happy with you regardless of who has been engaged longer and whomever gets married first. I think she's acting like a bit of a bridezilla (no offense). I really think that since the date you guys got engaged is available and it's the same price, it's meant to be. Get married when you want and don't let this 'first' thing get in the way. I know it's hard since she's your friend, but true friends will get over it and be happy for you.
MissToMrs
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September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
i vote september- do whats right for you!!! :) you are the bride and you should be happy with your wedding!!! I never let one persons comment affect my wedding we chose a date that worked for US and i personally dont give a *$^# what someone else had to say! :)
Amanda2022
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Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Posted by haw4
I believe true friends will be happy with you regardless of who has been engaged longer and whomever gets married first. I think she's acting like a bit of a bridezilla (no offense). I really think that since the date you guys got engaged is available and it's the same price, it's meant to be. Get married when you want and don't let this 'first' thing get in the way. I know it's hard since she's your friend, but true friends will get over it and be happy for you.
This exactly! Go with September!
cconaty94
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Member since
September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
I feel for your friend, because I have been her, but that's part of the deal. I planned a long engagement, I didn't expect other people to put their lives on hold. This timeline works best for my FH and I, and I had no false assumptions that other people would follow it. In fact, I have created a poster for the wedding that says 'A long engagement-- a great thing!' and under it I have all of the wonderful events we got to witness and attend while in this period of our lives. We have to embrace it. My cousin and his now wife got engaged, married, and pregnant within our engagement. It happens.
Do you what is best for you!
shellabella2
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Member since
September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her! - Long Island Weddings
If Sept is what you want I say go for it! My wedding is five weeks before my brothers (who was engaged a year before me) and right at the start of my busy season for work. It was what FH and I wanted and we haven't looked back since we set the date. Do I feel bad sometimes for booking it so close to my brother and taking time off as things start to get busy.. Yes sometimes. But in the end I think I would feel even worse if I didn't do what FH and I wanted in or hearts. Good luck with your decision! I know you do what's best for you and your FH!
KimnAndy
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Member since
Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
Posted by Jocelyn1977
Honestly, and please don't be offended if I come off as too blunt...but your friend (I believe) is being ridiculous. Who cares about being first?? You both get to fall in love and get married to the person that you love. She should be ecstatic for you - and you for her. I mean, it would be different if you wanted to get married within a couple weekends of her - then she would be so swamped with things to do that she wouldn't be able to enjoy your festivities. But, come on! You have a new career to think about - and that date is meaningful to you. She should definitely understand - or just get over it. I've been with my FH for almost 5 years now and we just got engaged this past summer. I've had good friends meet people after I met FH - and STILL get married before me. I certainly put the 'bug' in FHs ear every time that happened, but I was nothing but happy for my friend/s. Move the wedding to the more meaningful, less stressful, and more joy-producing day that you want. If she doesn't come around, well, what can you do....
THIS!!
If she was really your friend she would be happy for you, not acting like it was a competition.
The weekend is significant to you so book it. I say September. Put everyone else's needs or requests out of your mind. This is about You and your FH. It is Your wedding, do what is right for You.
MsErikaLynn
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Member since
Re: September or December wedding??! Friend upset if I wed before her!
I agree that your friend should just be happy for you and it shouldn't be a big deal BUT I wouldn't expect your friend to be happily joining in any of your pre wedding festivities because she is going to be stressed about her own upcoming wedding. A month apart is pretty close because you have to consider bachelorette parties/bridal showers. You also need to make sure you're going to stay committed to her wedding, even if her bachelorette party is the week before your wedding or her rehearsal dinner is the day you get back from your honeymoon. the door swings both ways!
