seriously freaking out -- really long, but need advice, please
Hi,
I am a regular poster on here, and just created this account because I cannot believe I am posting this. Its really close to my wedding, and I know my shower is in the next couple of weeks, and I am starting to have serious doubts. Well, I don't know if they are serious, but they are doubts. FH is wonderful. We've been together for nearly 3 years, and have been living together and engaged for over a year. I never had a doubt before. Last week, I found out that his ex contacted him on facebook. They were together for 1 year 5 years ago. He actually left the window open on the computer while I was in the bedroom on the phone and he was doing the dishes. She wrote 'I know you wouldn't add me as a friend, so I won't even ask. Hope all is well'. He wrote back 'It would be hard to add you as a friend -- she checks'. I totally freaked out. We talked and talked, and FH said that there is nothing going on. She calls him every few months and they talk for a few minutes. He said that he can't stand talking to her but feels bad. That he wrote that because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I went on about how it hurt my feelings, and he said he didn't mean to. He wrote her another messages immediately saying that there cannot be any contact between them anymore, that he loves me completely, and that we are getting married in two months and that she should please never contact him again.
I honestly do believe him. He hates upsetting people, and sometimes can be really dense when it comes to picking up on social cues -- he never realizes when someone is flirting with him. Usually its pretty funny.
Anyway, after all of that, we got to talking and I asked if there was anything else he needs to tell me, anything at all. We are totally honest with each other. He said no, then we thought and thought, and he said that he watches porn and jerks off sometimes. I knew that already, lol.
So then I told him something, something that I have never, ever said out loud to anyone. I told him that I used to be scared that I was a lesbian. I do enjoy watching girl/girl porn scenes. I have never been with a woman, and I really don't want to be. A lot of my friends have, and it has meant nothing to them -- they've gotten drunk and made out with girls. I never did that. I did have lesbians hit on me once or twice, but I never was interested. In a play once, years ago, I had to kiss a girl. I was scared that I'd like it, but I didn't. Eveything I've ever read leads me to believe that it is normal for women who are heterosexual to fantasize about other women. But now I'm scared that I'm a lesbian in denial. I know this sounds crazy. I love FH with all my heart, and want to marry him and have his children. I'm not very young, and have dated many guys. I never wanted to date a woman. But now I'm having doubts. Has anyone ever gone through this? Do you think this is normal cold feet?
Please don't quote me. FH goes on here too, and even though its a fake name, he'll know its me after reading all this, so I'll probably delete it soon.
But please, please, give some honest input. Anyone go through anything like this -- having doubts at the last minute?
Thank you for listening.
I am a regular poster on here, and just created this account because I cannot believe I am posting this. Its really close to my wedding, and I know my shower is in the next couple of weeks, and I am starting to have serious doubts. Well, I don't know if they are serious, but they are doubts. FH is wonderful. We've been together for nearly 3 years, and have been living together and engaged for over a year. I never had a doubt before. Last week, I found out that his ex contacted him on facebook. They were together for 1 year 5 years ago. He actually left the window open on the computer while I was in the bedroom on the phone and he was doing the dishes. She wrote 'I know you wouldn't add me as a friend, so I won't even ask. Hope all is well'. He wrote back 'It would be hard to add you as a friend -- she checks'. I totally freaked out. We talked and talked, and FH said that there is nothing going on. She calls him every few months and they talk for a few minutes. He said that he can't stand talking to her but feels bad. That he wrote that because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I went on about how it hurt my feelings, and he said he didn't mean to. He wrote her another messages immediately saying that there cannot be any contact between them anymore, that he loves me completely, and that we are getting married in two months and that she should please never contact him again.
I honestly do believe him. He hates upsetting people, and sometimes can be really dense when it comes to picking up on social cues -- he never realizes when someone is flirting with him. Usually its pretty funny.
Anyway, after all of that, we got to talking and I asked if there was anything else he needs to tell me, anything at all. We are totally honest with each other. He said no, then we thought and thought, and he said that he watches porn and jerks off sometimes. I knew that already, lol.
So then I told him something, something that I have never, ever said out loud to anyone. I told him that I used to be scared that I was a lesbian. I do enjoy watching girl/girl porn scenes. I have never been with a woman, and I really don't want to be. A lot of my friends have, and it has meant nothing to them -- they've gotten drunk and made out with girls. I never did that. I did have lesbians hit on me once or twice, but I never was interested. In a play once, years ago, I had to kiss a girl. I was scared that I'd like it, but I didn't. Eveything I've ever read leads me to believe that it is normal for women who are heterosexual to fantasize about other women. But now I'm scared that I'm a lesbian in denial. I know this sounds crazy. I love FH with all my heart, and want to marry him and have his children. I'm not very young, and have dated many guys. I never wanted to date a woman. But now I'm having doubts. Has anyone ever gone through this? Do you think this is normal cold feet?
Please don't quote me. FH goes on here too, and even though its a fake name, he'll know its me after reading all this, so I'll probably delete it soon.
But please, please, give some honest input. Anyone go through anything like this -- having doubts at the last minute?
Thank you for listening.
