Should I replace my inattentive BM's?

I have talked to a few friends about this.

I feel like I shouldn't ask anyone to step in. I don't want anyon to feel as if they weren't my first choice.

Having the bridal party equal with GM isn't important to me at all.

My best friend told me that because it was family members that acted so heinously, it wouldn't be offensive to ask friends to step in at this point.

No one has ordered dresses yet.

What do you think?

ETA:

ridiculous typos

I think your best friend is right. I say replace them with friends that you know will be responsive and cooperative

I voted for leave it alone, because you expressed not wanting anyone to feel like your second choice and you dont care if things are even.

We initially had things even on purpose (5 girls, 5 guys, although 1 MOH and 2 best men). However, after my e-party I realized I regretted not asking one of my college roommates (we lost touch a little since we're both in different states so we don't see eachother as often) but she's a great friend. After a lot of stress about it being too late or offending her, I asked her in Feb and I am SOOOOOOo glad I did.

FH isn't adding anyone though, because he doesn't want to just add someone for the sake of evening things out. I told him it's totally up to him.

If there's someone you really want to ask, it's a good time to do so. If not, then you probably shouldn't. Especially if they will know they are your 2nd string, brought in to replace people.

I would stick with what you have...

This is not meant to be an insult, but from reading other posts regarding your BMs, you have very high standards (as you should, you have every right to want things to go a certain way during your planning and on your wedding day).... I would leave your BP alone... dragging other people in could create unforeseen drama down the road and the closer it gets to your big day, the less drama you'll want to deal with. You know that the BMs that you have now are good, loyal, and committed... Stick with what you have, it'll be less of a headache as you get closer to the day.

Good luck!!!

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Posted by bluegreen08

I voted for leave it alone, because you expressed not wanting anyone to feel like your second choice and you dont care if things are even.

We initially had things even on purpose (5 girls, 5 guys, although 1 MOH and 2 best men). However, after my e-party I realized I regretted not asking one of my college roommates (we lost touch a little since we're both in different states so we don't see eachother as often) but she's a great friend. After a lot of stress about it being too late or offending her, I asked her in Feb and I am SOOOOOOo glad I did.

FH isn't adding anyone though, because he doesn't want to just add someone for the sake of evening things out. I told him it's totally up to him.

If there's someone you really want to ask, it's a good time to do so. If not, then you probably shouldn't. Especially if they will know they are your 2nd string, brought in to replace people.

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I really don't feel like this is all about me at all. I didn't expect a lavish shower or a kick @*** bachelorette party either. I just wanted them to get their measured and buy plane tickets.

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Posted by AMGBride2008

I would stick with what you have...

This is not meant to be an insult, but from reading other posts regarding your BMs, you have very high standards (as you should, you have every right to want things to go a certain way during your planning and on your wedding day).... I would leave your BP alone... dragging other people in could create unforeseen drama down the road and the closer it gets to your big day, the less drama you'll want to deal with. You know that the BMs that you have now are good, loyal, and committed... Stick with what you have, it'll be less of a headache as you get closer to the day.

Good luck!!!

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I don't have high standards unless expecting them to meaure themselves so I can order and pay for their dresses is resonant of being demanding.

But you are right about the reast of the BP.

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Posted by MrsK2008

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Posted by bluegreen08

I voted for leave it alone, because you expressed not wanting anyone to feel like your second choice and you dont care if things are even.

We initially had things even on purpose (5 girls, 5 guys, although 1 MOH and 2 best men). However, after my e-party I realized I regretted not asking one of my college roommates (we lost touch a little since we're both in different states so we don't see eachother as often) but she's a great friend. After a lot of stress about it being too late or offending her, I asked her in Feb and I am SOOOOOOo glad I did.

FH isn't adding anyone though, because he doesn't want to just add someone for the sake of evening things out. I told him it's totally up to him.

If there's someone you really want to ask, it's a good time to do so. If not, then you probably shouldn't. Especially if they will know they are your 2nd string, brought in to replace people.

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I really don't feel like this is all about me at all. I didn't expect a lavish shower or a kick @*** bachelorette party either. I just wanted them to get their measured and buy plane tickets.

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Awww that's not what I meant at all! I'm just saying that yes you risk new people feeling like they are 'second best' but if it's someone you really want to add, it's worth the risk. if you don't really have anyone in mind and don't care about making things even, it's not really necessary.

i think it should be left as is. It will cause alot of problems to replace bm's especially if they are family. I think that once you ask somebody it just has to be dealt with, there will be people in the BP that you are not happy with, you'll notice ALOT of girls on the boards deal with the same thing.

As far as the measuring and plane tickets, have you talked to them about why they havent yet? maybe they dont currently have the money to buy plane tickets right now. Your wedding is 7 months away so they do have time, dont stress yourself out over this, its not worth it. If they pay more because they buy them later then that is their problem. But like we all have experienced, sometimes financially we cant do things when we want to, and maybe they would like to get it now but just cant. If it was like 2 months or 1 month before the wedding then i'd understand you getting worried. Also maybe they are still figuring out what dates to see how long they can stay.

Also with the measuring, dont forget things are done differently in other places so 7 months before to get a dress, they probably dont see the rush.

I know people who personally just like to get things done ahead of time so they will do things to finish very early and like to check things off their list. Just remember others do things differently so you cant enforce the way you do things unto others, because to them it will just be nagging them. I am a person who waits until closer to the time i have to do things and if i know somebody is telling me to get something done JUST because they want to finish early for their own good and not because its necessary then ill feel like im being pushed to do things that i dont really have to do. Remember they also have other things going on.

its really up to you...i honestly feel you have enough time that if there is someone you want to ask in their place that it is ok....on the other hand.....be much more careful this time! you dont wanna go thru any of the BS again!!!!

good luck let us know what happens!

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Posted by Espo22

i think it should be left as is. It will cause alot of problems to replace bm's especially if they are family. I think that once you ask somebody it just has to be dealt with, there will be people in the BP that you are not happy with, you'll notice ALOT of girls on the boards deal with the same thing.

As far as the measuring and plane tickets, have you talked to them about why they havent yet? maybe they dont currently have the money to buy plane tickets right now. Your wedding is 7 months away so they do have time, dont stress yourself out over this, its not worth it. If they pay more because they buy them later then that is their problem. But like we all have experienced, sometimes financially we cant do things when we want to, and maybe they would like to get it now but just cant. If it was like 2 months or 1 month before the wedding then i'd understand you getting worried. Also maybe they are still figuring out what dates to see how long they can stay.

Also with the measuring, dont forget things are done differently in other places so 7 months before to get a dress, they probably dont see the rush.

I know people who personally just like to get things done ahead of time so they will do things to finish very early and like to check things off their list. Just remember others do things differently so you cant enforce the way you do things unto others, because to them it will just be nagging them. I am a person who waits until closer to the time i have to do things and if i know somebody is telling me to get something done JUST because they want to finish early for their own good and not because its necessary then ill feel like im being pushed to do things that i dont really have to do. Remember they also have other things going on.

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You make a lot of valid points. I aksed them a year ago if they wanted to be a part of our wedding, and at that time I told them what was going to be expected of them, with a timeline as well as plane fare and hotel costs etc. My whole family lives in Midwest....Kansas, Oklahoma and Iowa.

I knew money was going to be an issue from the start for my youngest cousin. FH and I already discussed helping her as much as possible.

I made a trip to Kansas just to have a family meeting late last year, again with a timeline. I sent out BP letters in February. I didn't ride them, I let them know and backed off for a couple of weeks.

I called 2 days ago and the whole $$ issue is brought up, things are tight yada yada yada. My oldest cousin is saying 277$ is too much and it was cheaper 2 months ago, yeah DUH you should have bough it then. ( I hate the word DUH but it is so appropriate )

Then, then I find out that little heiffer has booked a trip to greece and rome for two weeks in April.

So here is my pity party..............seriously this is just not importasnt enough for them to keep true to their word and I am utterly distraught.

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Posted by Espo22

if you want to add then add people but dont replace. But when you ask the bm's, do it in a way like they have been there for you through this and cant picture them not being part of your bp. Dont ask them because you tell them your other bm's are not being attentive so you need ones.

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ofcourse I would never do that!

Not sure what to say here ... but it seems like you need a

or a few



Hope all works out, sweetie!

maybe you can interview them.. pick like 5 people u want and sit therm in a room.... lol give them a check list and whoever has the best answers wins!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

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Posted by angl2001

maybe you can interview them.. pick like 5 people u want and sit therm in a room.... lol give them a check list and whoever has the best answers wins!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

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love this idea...........but I am not really that demanding. I want someone who wants to do it, not someone who needs hand holding!

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Posted by angl2001

hey u called yourself bridezilla the other day remember lol

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RAWR