Brides Helping Brides ™ - Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

hugs213 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:11 PM

Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

My mom offered to live in the upstairs apartment (seperate entrance) until we can afford to buy a house.
She said we'll just share the expenses..so for the last year I have been thinking of gas, electric, and the water bill. Now I just found out that she meant all that plus homeowners insurance and the yearly town taxes. So she would like $700 a month.
I feel a little annoyed because she has rented downstairs for $750 a month and to her own daughter she is charging me just $50 less.
Her argument was for me to try to find an apartment of this size (two bedrooms, bathroom, den, kitchen, living room and dining room) for that price anywhere else.
I told her that we really don't need all this space and I thought we would just give her like $200-300 just to help out. I mean the whole purpose was so we can save money. So I tried to compromise and told her we will give her $500 a month plus we'll put in cable and she said no. It is either $700 or nothing.
Am I being unreasonable here? Be honest, please. Thanks

palebride Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:14 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

i dont' know....if she's offering it to you, then you kind of have to go on her terms. and you'd still be able to save money, becuse there are very few places you could live for rent like that on LI.
personally, i dont' think i could live with my parents after i'm married, but it's not because of money....

franksbride Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:17 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I don't think I'd be able to live with my parents either...but anyway, I think $700 is a pretty fair price.

Latina511 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:18 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I completely understand your point of view. But even though you don't need all that space $700 a month for that type of apartment is a DEAL. Believe me I have moved about 5 times within the last 4 and half years, it is hard. It is even really hard if you moved out on your own you would probably spend alot more on a decent apartment that will only be a 1 bedroom. Just think about it.

luvsun27 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:20 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Please don't be offended...but I agree with your mother. She is trying to help you save. If you decide not to take her offer...where will you go for less than $700/month?
Your mother is being nice by offering to help. Do you live on your own now? What about FH? Are you moving back into mom's house, or have you always been there? I don't mean to be harsh, but most people are not givin the type of opportunity that you are. Most people have to pay their bills (way more than $700/month) and try to save for a house. It's not easy. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

hugs213 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:24 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

We both live at home...so I really don't know prices of rent. I know it is a good deal for all this space, but my point of view was that I really don't want to live at home and for that much money I think I would rather put in a little extra and have my own place, with my own furniture and have privacy. I know that we will have absolutely no privacy here...plus she will have to come to our 'side' sometimes to get stuff out of the attic or get some of her stuff that she will not be moving. So my question is 'Is it worth it to spend all this money and still live at home with no privacy?'

butterfly20 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:25 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

i know that 700 is a deal for what your getting.... me personally id be agitated that she wouldnt come down $200, because i was raised with parents who helped me more because they wanted me to save my own money, and instead of a regular tennant she'll have her daughter which she should want

luvsun27 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:32 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Well...depending on where you look...Nassau, Suffolk and the type of apartment you want...whether you want to live in a garden appt. type building, highrise, or an appartment in somone's home. You certainly will probably pay around $800-$1200 for rent...and if it's not an appt. in someone's home, that will not include utilities. The privacy in some apartment building is a little lacking...with gossiping neighbors and such...it feels like living at home! I have moved several times in the last few years, and it's not easy...and it's expensive...to hire movers, a security deposit, etc.

The question was...is it worth it? I would definately say yes...you can save more in a shorter amount of time with only $700/month in expenses. If your mom is driving you crazy...it will be an incentive to work hard, save hard and get out. You will look back, and thank your mom for helping :) Good luck.

OctBride05 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:39 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

my fh parents are building an apartment on the top of the garage for us, we are paying $500 a month, even if they charged us $700 i would still take it because nowadays the rents people want is crazy. my fsil is paying $1350 for a two bedroom apartment.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 01:46 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I am sorry, I think that your mom is being reasonable. If you do not need the space, is the upstairs apartment that she offered to live in smaller? Perhaps you can take that one instead? Would she give you a break if you did it that way? However, I think she is offering you a good deal for the rest of the house for $700. How many bedrooms? The going rate is that much for a 1 bedroom apartment - so if you are getting more than that or a dining room or big kitchen, I think you are making out well.

Think of the big picture. If you were to rent, chances are slim you'd be paying less, unless you want to sacrifice and live in a studio. So you are actually saving in the end if you take your mom's deal.

Sorry - I hope you are not upset by my reply.

Mary

cheshe Posted: Oct 12, 2003 02:20 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I am in your position. We were offered the apartment upstairs from my FIL's for $750, it is only one bedroom, living, kitchen and bath. I originally did not want to do it because I wanted to be out on our own, with privacy. But, then I started to think about it- We will be able to do laundry in his parents house, we are going to run the cable upstairs, we will have access to the background and BBQ and we won't have to pay any utilities. So when I thought about it - we are saving a lot of additional money. All the apartments that I looked at, which were the same size in the same area, where going for $900-1200 and we would have to pay utilities. We hopefully will only need to live with them for a year or 2 before we can afford a house. I would suggest that you take the apartment.

Valentinegirl Posted: Oct 12, 2003 02:46 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I think $700 is a good price but is it worth it to live w/ your parents? My MIL offered for us to live in her apartmnet for free and we turned it down cause because we dont think we could live w/ her, not even for free. She would drive us nuts!!!! LOL.

NYCHICK Posted: Oct 12, 2003 02:58 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Well I hate to be in the minority but I am in your situation and we live at my FIL with the same size apartment for free, so I guess I am a bit biased when I think your mother should drop the price a little. You could save a lot more paying $200 less. Granted you and FH can live with your mother happily. Be sure to put your marriage over money. Good Luck.

kmcwed Posted: Oct 12, 2003 03:12 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I think the real thing to consider here isn't the money. It's the effect living so close to your mother will have on your new marriage.

You have to take into consideration your relationship with her, what kind of mother she is, if she will respect your privacy as a woman and as a couple, how you will feel living there as a newlywed, and if you feel living so close to her will create issues for you and your husband.

If you think there's even a chance she could be a negative influence on you in any way, I would say do NOT live there.

I would rather spend more $$ on my own place and take longer to save for a house, but get a great start in my marriage, than live someplace at a discount or even for free and risk my happiness and the happiness of my FH.

I think the $$ is the least thing you should consider.

I speak from experience.

edited for spelling.

kelly6273 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 03:26 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I personally wouldn't want to live so close to my parents right after I got married...but $700 is a steal for what you are getting. Go looking for another place. I think you'll be very surprised. That price is very hard to come by.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Oct 12, 2003 03:41 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I am pretty familiar with apt. prices, since I am a landlord and know many people who rent.
Honestly, you can get a studio apt. for $650-$700. This is one room, the only thing seperate is a bathroom. You are getting a GREAT deal. The main obstacle is whether you want to be so close to your mom!

If it were me, I'd probably suck it up for a year so I could save $$ for a house.

larryswife2be Posted: Oct 12, 2003 04:49 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

If this allows you to save money, I'd say go for it! Although you are living with your mom, at least you have a separate entrance, so that it is somewhat private

Nora101004 Posted: Oct 12, 2003 07:00 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Since you have all that space, could you sub-let a room to someone to help with the costs?

hugs213 Posted: Oct 13, 2003 12:27 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Thank you everyone for being so honest. Maybe my FI and I will look around and just get a feeling of what the rent is like elsewhere. I really don't need all that space now...but we have some time to think about where we are going to live. I'm just stressing over a lot of things lately. THanks again