Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Original post by hugs213

Oct 12, 2003 01:11 PM

My mom offered to live in the upstairs apartment (seperate entrance) until we can afford to buy a house.
She said we'll just share the expenses..so for the last year I have been thinking of gas, electric, and the water bill. Now I just found out that she meant all that plus homeowners insurance and the yearly town taxes. So she would like $700 a month.
I feel a little annoyed because she has rented downstairs for $750 a month and to her own daughter she is charging me just $50 less.
Her argument was for me to try to find an apartment of this size (two bedrooms, bathroom, den, kitchen, living room and dining room) for that price anywhere else.
I told her that we really don't need all this space and I thought we would just give her like $200-300 just to help out. I mean the whole purpose was so we can save money. So I tried to compromise and told her we will give her $500 a month plus we'll put in cable and she said no. It is either $700 or nothing.
Am I being unreasonable here? Be honest, please. Thanks

Danielle&Scott Posted: Oct 13, 2003 01:04 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

tell your mother, Danielle and I will take the apartment for $700 a month....Im sorry but that is a great deal. Danielle and I are moving into the second floor of my parents house, and paying rent and we dont even have our own kitchen....We Will prolly be paying AROUND $650....

ChristineC68 Posted: Oct 13, 2003 01:21 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I am surprised your mom wouldn't negotiate at all, but you won't find anything in that price range.

My last apt was a studio that my landlord rented out for $800/month when I left over 2 years ago. You will always need more room, try not to underestimate what your space needs are and what they may become.

The bigger decision is living so closely to your parents. Will they respect your privacy and not interfere? What kind of relationship does your FH have with them? Be sure to have ground rules regarding dropping in, meals etc.

Fran M Posted: Oct 13, 2003 08:58 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I would take a look at the big picture.
1)How much are you going to spend to rent, (dont forget increases over the years) furnish and run (utilities etc.) a place on your own and how much can you save in X years doing that?
2) If you spend $700 a month and dont have to totally furnish a place how much can you save in X years doing that?
I think you will be surprised when you get the calculator out. Giving up some privacy for a few years that will go by in a flash sounds like its worth it.

Mishu Posted: Oct 13, 2003 09:06 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Let me give you a little background before I answer your question. I am an only child and in sept 2004 I am planning to return to school(in LI) to get my masters degree. My FI's parents are very unsupportive of our relationship (from the start over 5 years ago) due to the difference in ethenicity. My FI finally felt like he found a 'real' family with mine. We are both very excited and feel very luck to be given the oppurtunity to be moving in with my parents. My parents have told us to give only what we can afford since i will be going back into school and FI will be job hunting.

SO my situation is a bit different....but if I were you I would go for it only if you can talk to your mom and tell her to treat you like an actual tenant....and respect your privacy.

Sassyz75 Posted: Oct 13, 2003 09:09 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I think your mother's offer is generous. with that said, I don't think you should accept the offer just yet. Try being married and living on your own first- not under anyone's roof but your own. Sure, you might not be able to buy a house right away, but you'll have your own piece of mind & privacy.

regina2 Posted: Oct 13, 2003 11:12 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I think you should be thanking your mother for her generosity. Most two bedroom apartments are around $1500 - $2000. I understand you do not feel you need all the room, but even one bedrooms are going for $1200 - 1500.

Your mother is being very fair in asking you just to cover half the bills. Why should she get stuck paying for your living expenses - if you are old enough to get married then you should be old enough to pay for your living expenses.

JMO - go out and look at how expensive apartment really are. Then go back and thank your mother for her generosity.

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 13, 2003 11:17 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I really think that is an excellent deal.

I may more than that for a one bedroom.

neesiepie Posted: Oct 13, 2003 11:59 AM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

Maybeyour mom is renting the apt for a reason and can't afford to rent it for less. She would be losing money is she rents the apt for much less than she is now. I don't know your mom's financial situation, but I know lots of people rent out part of their homes for the added income. You are getting a good deal, I think. Financially, you can save money this way. My best friend got married and her in-laws redid the basement and made an apartment for them downstairs. There is NO WAY they could have afforded to buy their own place or even rent. They are almost ready to buy their own place thanks to themoney they were able to save while living with their in-laws.

112903 Posted: Oct 13, 2003 12:11 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I think it is a great deal. Like someone else said maybe that is what helps your mom pay the bills and she can't do it for anything less.. we lucked out with a 2 bedroom apt for $1200.00. Friends of ours are paying 1550 for the same apt.

If you do live with your mom ground rules need to be applied, ie privacy, coming over all that. so there are no problems later on. Good luck with your decision

chmpgnrose Posted: Oct 13, 2003 06:24 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

I would never be able to live with my parents again after living with them for 28 years was enough. Living with them again being married with my DH would complicate things and make the situation as well as the relationship much animosity and annoyance worse. I say no, find an apartment with your new husband after the wedding or before and live alone. There could be disputes with rent, utilities payments, household chore disagreements, etc. as it could make the situation worse. You don't want the marriage to suffer because of this as it can get ugly. Starting a new marriage is exciting and should be a happy time but you don't want animosities and disputes to ruin it.

However, I do think that $700.00 is reasonable. I say get an apt. with just you and your DH.

littlecat Posted: Oct 13, 2003 07:27 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

FM!

jenny2penny Posted: Oct 13, 2003 07:44 PM

Re: Should we move in with my parents after the wedding?

ultimately only you and your FH know if you can take it. As far as renting, depends on where you are looking but $700 is a great deal. I was paying $750 at my last apartment for 2 bedroom, full back, LR/KIT combo. No den.

Besides it's your parents, not living above strangers. We were always soooooooo self conscious of everything when we rented so we don't get evicted. I was even quiet when I left at 5am.

FILs offered us to move in until the wedding and pay so little in rent & we even gave them back the money they gave as a gift from e-party.

I was soooooooooooooooo hesitent and did not want to give up me freedom, apartment, etc. BUT IN THE END...IT'S THE BEST decision I ever made!!!!! We would never be able to do this without them, plus FMIL sometimes cooks for us, and the laundry is right there.

But again, people thought we were crazy to move it, but it's been over 4 months and not on grip!!!!!!!

the money you'd have to honestly see if you can do it for less. When I rented heat/gas was about <$100 a month. (Water they paid). I doubt you'd find an apartment for under $600.