please help, before i kill my fmil. what is the etiquette? if they are invited to the shower, we have to invite to the wedding, that i know. BUT, if you are invited to the wedding, do you have to invite to the shower?? my fmil is trying to turn this into her own personal shower, she has over 30 people on her guest list. her friends. i don't need or want her friends there. i've told fh i'm not happy about it, i'm just wondering what the final outcome will be.
help!
MrsFelix
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Re: shower question
It's your shower!!!! Talk to your mom and MOH they are the ones that should be doing it for you. Tell them to deal with it. You shouldn't have to be subjected to this. PLUS, it's supposed to be your friends and family and the women that are invited on his side, not your FMIL's free for all!!!!
Let your mom and MOH handle it. Tell them how you feel. I'm sure they can come up with a diplomatic way of telling your FMIL 'heck NO'
FallBride05
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No, if they are invited to the wedding you do not need to invite to the shower. If this was true I would have had a shower the size of a wedding because we had almost 500 people on our guest list!
I only invited my closest friends and female family members (cousin I'm close with, my SIL's, my MIL), etc....
carlsbride
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The shower is for you - it should be the people who you want there. But if there are close relatives or close family friends of FI, it is probably nice to invite them. Maybe ask FI to talk to her.
I wasn't involved at all with planning, but at my shower there were 2 of my FMIL's friends there, I wasn't offended, but I was embarrassed because I didn't know them. So when I got to their presents, I kind of looked 'towards' their table and was like 'Thank You very much' But I wasn't sure who was who-that was embarrassing.
Good Luck!
july06bride
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I think you should talk to your mom and let her know...
my FMIL invited a lot of people- 30 but she has VERY little family here- her entire 'family' is friends really..I know them fairly well and I know my shower is not going to be intimate and I am okay with that...BUT if you are not then speak up and let whoever is planning it know.
sarahthegreat
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Re: shower question
i'm not supposed to be involved, but my sister called me when she got fmil's guest list. she added people that she 'has' to invite b/c they are her 'close cousins and she has gone to their kids wedding/showers, etc.' i am sooo mad about this. fh came out and said they won't be invited. the wedding is fine, but i specifically told her i want a small shower, 20-25 people...oy, what to do?? she has rocks in her head i tells ya
sarahthegreat
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and ps - my sister has a big mouth and is not afraid to say no to her about this. i just don't wany my fmil and sister fighting about it.
Preshy7
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Posted by smm2675
i'm not supposed to be involved, but my sister called me when she got fmil's guest list. she added people that she 'has' to invite b/c they are her 'close cousins and she has gone to their kids wedding/showers, etc.' i am sooo mad about this. fh came out and said they won't be invited. the wedding is fine, but i specifically told her i want a small shower, 20-25 people...oy, what to do?? she has rocks in her head i tells ya
i had the same issue.. my mom gave her a limit of people.. and half the people that fmil in vited didnt even come anyway..
fmils list was originally 60 people - she invited 25 and 13 came..
i know its realyl stressful- just try to stay calm and your best bet is to limit the people- fm me if you want to chat!
Blu-ize
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Not every female who is invited to the wedding has to get invited to the shower. Put your foot down.
hsacks23r
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Re: shower question
Posted by FallBride05
No, if they are invited to the wedding you do not need to invite to the shower. If this was true I would have had a shower the size of a wedding because we had almost 500 people on our guest list!
I only invited my closest friends and female family members (cousin I'm close with, my SIL's, my MIL), etc....
I totaly agree
JanuaryBride06
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Re: shower question
They don't have to be invited to both but I think that if they aren't invited to the wedding, they don't need to be invited to the shower either. FMILs in general need to understand that these parties aren't for THEM.
clw924
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If they are invited to the shower, they should be invited to the wedding. If they are invited to the wedding, they do not have to be invited to the shower...
nygirl77
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FMIL probably won't invite many people at all. She doesn't really have any friends and her family is in Texas and she doubts they'll even come to the wedding. We'll see. I think the problem will be that I have lots of girlfriends and so does my mom - so I think it will be mostly them. We don't have a huge family either.
I'm rambling on...sorry.
JazzyT
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The shower is upposed to be your friends mostly
sarahbelle
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You should set the guest list for the shower. It should be your closest friends and family, not hers.
