Shower - question about possible guest problem (long)

When my sister (my MOH) asked me for addresses for the shower, I didn't include my co-workers. I don't know why, I am not super super close with any of them there, but not alienated from them either. Friendly, we all sit in an open space so we do chat, but there's some I talk to more than others. But lately I've been thinking that I should have my sister invite them. It's about 7 of them I would definitely add.

So I said to my sister would asking about 7 extra would be ok, financially speaking. She said that as of right now there's exactly 50 people on the guest list, she told the other BM's how much each of them have to put in for the shower with 50 people on the list and they were all comfortable with whatever price that was.

We know off the bat at least 3 would not come as they live down south but we have to send the invite as they are FH's only relatives that live in the USA. Four more may not come since they are in their late 70's/early 80's, but who knows, they might come. And then there might be a few more that might not be able to make it. So my question is does my sister add my co-workers and tell the other bridesmaids, who might then get pissed off because the price they have to put in might go up, or maybe they will figure that others that don't show up, it will probably even out to 50 people in the end, anyway.

I just feel bad because two bridesmaids just purchased homes (they both didn't tell me this until after I asked them to be BM's), another has a house and 2 kids and then my sister the MOH who says she's OK with money yet I wonder. I'm also afraid she's going to ask my dad to help out which I DON'T WANT. I told her that and she said no she won't, but I'm a bit nervous that she might ask him to help out anyway if she's stuck for money.

Any advice on what to do? I'm afraid of hurting my co-workers' feelings if I don't have her invite them. I have never been invited to any of their parties. IE: one lady had invited a few of them to her daughter's bat mitzvah last year, but a few of us weren't invited, including me. I didn't mind though.

Sorry so long...
Thanks in advance
Mary

Couple of things - you said you're not THAT close with them and you said that you haven't been invited to any of their parties - I don't think you should be so concerned with inviting them now - is your office the type of place that has showers for co-workers? Maybe they will have a shower for you at workright before your wedding - then you will be able to celebrate with everyone from work!
If you really want to invite them to your shower though and you are concerned about asking your bridal party to cover it - maybe you should cover them. I know it's your shower - but i don't see a different solution. Just my thoughts...

Well, I thought they wouldn't have expected an invite either. But then, out of the blue, two of them gave me a Christmas gift each. I've never exchanged with anyone there. Now I wonder if maybe they are expecting it???

I really don't have the money in my budget to cover them.

A few know they are invited to the wedding. And I know that someone that used to work there had a shower and they all went. So I'm not sure if any of them are expecting it or not.

I can always say my sister didn't think of it, if the subject comes up....

God this is the worst part. If I don't ask them they might get insulted and trust me having people at work mad at me would really be hard, we all work togehter and it would be very tense. Shoot. I don't know what to do

I really don't think they would have a reason to be insulted - you said you haven't been invited to their parties - so it's not like it's a must! Don't stress yourself out about it so much! I don't think it will be the awkward situation you think it will be!

I had that situation at work too and when someone said something how she wasn't invited to my shower, I just said I didn't plan and had no part in it, if I had you would have been invited and that kind of shut her up!

Invite your co-workers. You see these people more than you see certain relatives and I'm sure they would love to be invited.

Edited to add: But, if your co-workers throw you a work shower than it is redundant to invite them to your family shower if they are not invited to the wedding. JMO

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Posted by Sunny

I wouldn't invite them. They are probably not expecting to be invited and to be honest with you, I get annoyed when I have to go to these things for just aquaintences at work. I am sure they will throw you a work shower. JMO. Good luck.

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I was going to say almost the same exact thing.

Heidi

I don't get annoyed if I'm invited or not. I would have been a bit annoyed being invited to the one woman's daughter's bat mitzvah since at that time last year I had no money to give as a gift or buy one since we had to shell out alot of money for bills and vendors that month. I am inviting most of them (with husbands/significant others) to the wedding though. I just don't want any hurt feelings. We all work closely and need each other to work well together and if I piss anyone off I don't need that sort of tension.

I am not going to have my sister invite them. If anyone asks, I'm going to say that my sister said that two of the girls couldn't give alot in terms of money (and it's true they both bought houses this year, but I didn't know they were looking when I asked them to be BM's and they still accepted), and I don't like when too many people are at a shower. To me it should be mostly family and close friends. I just don't want to offend anyone. So if anything is said I am going to say due to the fact that FH and I already live together and that some of the girls were struggling a bit financially that I said it was OK if it was a small shower. I don't want to put the burden on my sister by saying 'she forgot' or 'she didn't know how to find your addresses' since they're lame excuses and my sister would be mad if I made her the scapegoat (yep she would).

Anyway, thank you ladies for your advice, I appreciate all the help I get here.