shower question/vent

Ok, maybe I am being a bit bratty, so you guys please tell me if I am.

As most of you know (or can figure out from my avatar), we are having a baby. To set the record straight, we were engaged & had the wedding booked before we became pg, so please don't anyone call me 'knocked up' or make derogatory comments towards my situation. Thank you.

So, the baby is due March 14 & the wedding is June 2. My BP is throwing me a small shower in 2 weeks in NY. I don't have many friends left in NY & my family is small so the guest list is 16 people. I said that I didn't want ppl to think I was greedy and ask for 2 showers (baby & bridal), so it's just one general shower. I thought this was fair.

Our wedding guest list is 200+. FH's family & friends make up well more than half of the guest list. They weren't invited to my NY shower b/c they all live in Rhode Island or Massachusetts (as do we.) Now, I don't mean to be a b!tch here, but was it unrealistic for me to want/anticipate/assume that FHs family would throw me a shower too? Because apparently, it hasn't occurred to them. Again, I don't expect a baby shower and a bridal shower but a little something would be nice. I have asked FH about this & he said 'You're already having a shower.' Ok, technically he's right, but I mean they are so UNINTERESTED in this wedding & baby & its getting to be really insulting.

It should be mentioned that FH's family is not giving a dime towards the wedding. They aren't hosting the rehearsal dinner. They aren't even COMING to the RD. In fact, they are so cheap that they have said that they are coming down from RHODE ISLAND that morning so they don't have to pay for a hotel for 2 nights. My wedding is at 11 am which means they are thinking they are going to leave RI at 6 am & come straight to the wedding. Annoying, no? (PS - no, they are not poor. Not even close)

You might be thinking 'oh, maybe its a suprise.' No, its not. They couldn't care less. And I am the only one with the guest list so someone would have had to ask me for it if they were planning, ya know? I guess the chance still exists that they throw me a shower after the baby but I just don't see them as the type.

Do I just bite the bullet and accept that they aren't throwing me something or do I tell FH that I want a shower? I have hinted but I don't think he gets it. Or do i just have my little 16 person shower & shut the hell up? I just feel like a shower is part of being a bride & I feel really jipped.

Thoughts?

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Posted by carolinebr

Ok, maybe I am being a bit bratty, so you guys please tell me if I am.

As most of you know (or can figure out from my avatar), we are having a baby. To set the record straight, we were engaged & had the wedding booked before we became pg, so please don't anyone call me 'knocked up' or make derogatory comments towards my situation. Thank you.

So, the baby is due March 14 & the wedding is June 2. My BP is throwing me a small shower in 2 weeks in NY. I don't have many friends left in NY & my family is small so the guest list is 16 people. I said that I didn't want ppl to think I was greedy and ask for 2 showers (baby & bridal), so it's just one general shower. I thought this was fair.

Our wedding guest list is 200+. FH's family & friends make up well more than half of the guest list. They weren't invited to my NY shower b/c they all live in Rhode Island or Massachusetts (as do we.) Now, I don't mean to be a b!tch here, but was it unrealistic for me to want/anticipate/assume that FHs family would throw me a shower too? Because apparently, it hasn't occurred to them. Again, I don't expect a baby shower and a bridal shower but a little something would be nice. I have asked FH about this & he said 'You're already having a shower.' Ok, technically he's right, but I mean they are so UNINTERESTED in this wedding & baby & its getting to be really insulting.

It should be mentioned that FH's family is not giving a dime towards the wedding. They aren't hosting the rehearsal dinner. They aren't even COMING to the RD. In fact, they are so cheap that they have said that they are coming down from RHODE ISLAND that morning so they don't have to pay for a hotel for 2 nights. My wedding is at 11 am which means they are thinking they are going to leave RI at 6 am & come straight to the wedding. Annoying, no? (PS - no, they are not poor. Not even close)

You might be thinking 'oh, maybe its a suprise.' No, its not. They couldn't care less. And I am the only one with the guest list so someone would have had to ask me for it if they were planning, ya know? I guess the chance still exists that they throw me a shower after the baby but I just don't see them as the type.

Do I just bite the bullet and accept that they aren't throwing me something or do I tell FH that I want a shower? I have hinted but I don't think he gets it. Or do i just have my little 16 person shower & shut the hell up? I just feel like a shower is part of being a bride & I feel really jipped.

Thoughts?

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I hope no one has said anything derogatory to you.... otherwise you need to kick butt!!!!

I'm so sorry your FIL take no interest in your new family... If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue. They showed they're true colors, and it's not pretty. Hopefully, when your little one comes, they will have a change of heart and retroactively, will act appropriately and shower the little muffin with love and gifts....

stay strong!!! (and congratulations!!!!)

I can empathize with you. I agree that it would be really nice, and mean a lot if FH family did something to acknowledge you and do something nice for you.
I am not getting a shower either.
And, my FMIL is not contribuiting anything; she didn't give me a shower, nothing. The guest list for her family and friends is almost 30% of our wedding that my family and I am paying for.
My mom passed away; I know that if she were here she would have thrown me a shower.
I know what you mean about feeling upset....you get a double wammy b/c your having a baby, too, and YES I think that FH family should definitely be doing something nice for you, like a shower. I think the reality is that nobody really takes this stuff as sensitively as we do.
If someone has a FH with a family that does such nice things, its unusual, and they are extremely lucky. But I don't think its the norm.

first off Sorry you are having a Fil trouble.
Everyone that I know that was pregnant when they had their wedding had 2 showers. I remember one saying how exhausting it was opening presents at both her showers since she was preggo. Plus you are having your baby before the wedding. Technically they could throw you a baby shower a couple months before the baby comes. Then if I remember correctly you have 2.5 months till you get married. They can have your bridal shower after your 6 week post checkup. I don't see how different that is then some one who gets Preggo on the honeymoon. They get 2 showers in one year. I don't think it's greedy. It is tradition. Maybe they do it different in Rhode Island.
But don't get me wrong it is not just about the gifts. The shower is also showing support to the bride and the baby. I think the least they could do is throw a little get together for their fdil and mother of their grandchild. It doesn't have to be 2 full showers but a luncheon would be nice

Im sorry that they are so thoughtless, you would think that they would be excited and want to do something nice for you. I would be upset too but really they have shown you the people that they are and I would just let it go. Most likely if FH did decide to plan something for you they would probably ***** about it constantly, how you got 2 showers, blah blah blah.
tons of for you sweetie, i feel for you

You have a right to be upset/hurt. I guess what is more hurtful than not having a shower is that they're actually cold towards your life changing events - getting married AND having their grandchild.

I would probably not press it either and be happy with your NY shower.

My thoughts are that you deserve 2 showers!!!!!!!!!! A baby shower sometime soon and a Bridal shower sometime in May.....People usually get to have a bridal and a baby shower so why not you???? You should have them both! You are not being bratty in any way!!!!! Say something to your FH!!!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

I am sorry that your future family in law is acting this way! I know how much it hurts to have people so disinterested in your life, especially those that should be.

I think you should tell your FH that you want a shower...do it in a nice polite way and explain the reasons that you explained to us...you are having two big life events happen very close to one another and they both deserve to be celebrated in their own way! You are not being greedy or selfish! People who have half a brain will realize this and want to share in your joy!

I hope you get this rectified!

Oh and yeah who every has made stupid remarks about you...they need to be beat down as someone else said! This is 2007 baby!

I would be upset as well. But honestly, I would just enjoy the shower with your NY friends-I probably wouldn't ask for a 2nd shower-but yes, I would want one too.

Maybe your FH is actually planning something. My friend is expecting and her husband is throwing her the baby shower. She has no clue. he even registered for everything that they wanted.

Just try to keep your spirits up.

here's some





and u got fm!

Nope I think you deserve a shower for BOTH baby and bridal...fine make it a combo but i think you def deserve them!!!
Did you register for both? Maybe just maybe you are having 1 in RI?! it may be a surprise..never know if your BP? FH? got a hold of the list and sent it out to whomeve needs it for the showers?! Or maybe the shower in NY is really 1 where everyone is comming too!? Id give it a little time but def tell your FH that you want this...im sure he can talk to his family!

I woul mention it one last time to FH and tell him it is a chance to bond with your family. You want to feel closerto them. See ho it goes. If it happens YAY!, but if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be. Some grandparents think they'r too young to be GP's at this age and then when their first little one grabes their finger they fall in love! Deeply in love! You can try, but since you have so much else going on, if you can't make the FIL have a shower for you, enjoy the small one with the people who do love you enough and care to throw you one.

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Posted by stephanielyse

Unless you live where your FIL's live, you shouldn't expect them to throw you a separate party. Maybe they feel insulted that they weren't invited to your shower? I wouldn't hold it against them that they aren't throwing a separate shower for you, though.

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They live about a half hour away. FH lives at home right now so I see them several times a week.

I am trying not to be insulted but I feel kind of forgotten about, ya know? It just stinks b/c I don't feel at all like a bride since I am pg. I feel like I am missing out on all the fun stuff that most brides get to do.

You are not being unrealistic at all- I know plenty of people who don't live near their families and have had other showers thrown for them. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

honestly, with my future-in-laws- i would not expect it from them either... my FILs are also uninterested and it bothers the fck out of me!! But thats how they are and i have to accept it. Im marrying my FH for HIM and not his family.

And TYPICALLY the bride's family takes care of the shower... not all the time, but usually this is the case. If my mother wasnt involved in my life i wouldnt have gotten anything from the FILs...

for you.. stay strong, you have a VERY exciting road ahead of you, dont let THIS bug you out