Let me start by saying I dont even want to know anything about my shower. But my MOH keeps discussing the 'guest list' with me. Right now she has a list of every woman that is invited to our wedding. (Many people are out of state). Do these women get invited if they are far away and clearly wont be attending my shower? Also, is it wrong to invite EVERY woman that is invited to the wedding? Because some women are my FMIL's friends that I dont even know. My MOH is not sure about inviting these women. I dont know what to tell her. I dont want my bridal party to feel the need to invite every woman that is invited to the wedding if that is not 'proper etiquette'. I want to just resolve this now, so I can tell her who to invite. I know I have inquired about this before, but if you could lend some advice here I would be so grateful. Then I can tell my MOH what to do, and hopefully not be involved in my shower plans from here on out. At this point I feel like she should just skip the shower. I also would feel stupid if she invited people on my wedding guest list that should not be a the shower. I just dont know the rules about this. OK enough rambling...help please!
ddunne23
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Re: Shower Stress
Tradiionally all the women invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. Personally, I think if people are out of state and will definatley not attend, I would not invite them. The reason is that I would not want to make people feel that they should now send a gift since they were invited to the shower and you knew they would not be able to attend. Just my opinion. Also, you can keep the shower to close friends and family. It does not have to be all the women on the guest list. Keep it as simple as you want.
SeptemberBride03
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Re: Shower Stress
Etiquette definitely does not say to invite all woman on the guest list for the wedding. (Etiquette books actually say to invite very close family and friends with the average shower being around 20 people) While showers are larger than that now, I still wouldn't invite everyone. The shower should be intimate and fun for you. You shouldn't have to play hostess to 100 people! I would set a limit you're comfortable with and then give your FMIL a # and let her choose from her side and you and your family choose your side. Invite the people you truly want there.
christy
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Re: Shower Stress
maybe i should re-evaluate the list
abc7077
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Re: Shower Stress
I had the same exact issues and stress that you are going through right now. What I did learn and I hope you remember this is that this is supposed to be a happy time, one of the happiest times in your life. Anything that gives you stress should be corrected and fast. I did not have all of the women from my wedding invitation list invited to the shower. The only people invited were my close family and friends and people who were VERY close to my mom and fmil. My shower turned out to be about 20 people, very small but intimate and I enjoyed every minute of it because I knew that they were all of the people I cared about and I wanted to be there. Make it easy for you and only have people there so that you will be happy and have fun and enjoy this special day!!! Good luck!!
karen32
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Re: Shower Stress
I agree with everyone else. I think the only rule is that it's improper to invite people to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding. I don't think you have to invite every woman on your wedding list to the shower. Ever been to a shower where there are 50+ people??? Do you know how long it takes to open that many gifts?? Way too long. My girlfriend had 65 women at her shower, and she spent 80% of her time opening gifts. It took soooooo long, most people didn't even stay for desert. I think showers are more fun when they're more intimate.
isopodi
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Re: Shower Stress
You should have your MOH speak to your Mom & your FMIL to find out what family members and close friends need to be invited. Not every woman that is invited to the wedding has to be invited to the Shower!!! I would then create your own list as to who you want to make sure is invited that your Mom & MIL might forget. For my shower, I handed my FH a list of girlfriends I wanted to make sure were invited to the shower and left it up to him to pass it along to my bridesmaids planning the shower. Hope this helps.
LnP2003
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Re: Shower Stress
Christy...
I totally agree with you. My whole problem right now, is that I feel that it's every brides right that her shower be kept from her - that's my feeling anyway, and that's that..... But one of my BM's feels the need every time she sees me.... so, what do you want for your shower, who do you want there, what type of shower do you want, do you want to play games, do you want music..... not for nothing, but i've planned showers before, and the bride has not been asked a DAMN thing......
I'm soooooooo annoyed about it - last night I went to visit her & her fiance, and she started asking me again - and again I told her I DON'T WANNA KNOW - DON'T TALK ABOUT IT - CALL THE OTHER GIRLS - IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE STRESS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
christy
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Re: Shower Stress
I am calling my MOH tonight and telling her to remove people that I dont know! Then I dont want to hear anything else about this shower.
Sassy
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Re: Shower Stress
I feel the same way. My wedding's in May, I'm giving them a list from NOW. I ONLY want my close friends and a few select family members to be ther. I don't want the number to be over 30. I don't know I feel the shower is suppossed to be just for me, and I dont want any strangers there I also dont want in any way to be involved, which is why they are getting the guest list NOW. After I hand it over, I don't want not another phone call on the subject. To tell you the truth, I have no preference, it could be in a basement for all I care, as long as my closest friends are there.
I felt like I was being mean but this post makes me feel better
