Shower vent

I really don't care about the shower other than I don't know how we'd afford to get everything we need for a new apartment otherwise. I couldn't care less about the party.

But, my brother has been trying to help plan it because, for some reason, my mom has been completely non responsive about it. And FH is getting antsy because he a) wants to make sure I get 'the shower I deserve' and b) he wants presents. SO he was expressing his frustration to his mom and now, apparently, his mom and sister are spearheading the planning. Which I'm thankful for but, to be honest, I don't really want.

My mom doesn't have any money right now. Since she and my dad split up years ago things have been hard for her, she doesn't have a good job and she just doesn't have it. Can't squeeze blood from a stone. But FH called me all angry today telling me 'Just so you know, if you have a shower it's because of MY family and not yours. Your mom hasn't called me or anything and MY mom is willing to do it for you'

So I called my mom today and was like ***? I understand the $$ situation, but you couldn't be bothere dto check in with anyone and ask what should we do, can you help me out? And she was all like, well, your BP is supposed to be part of this too, and I said fine, I understand that, but YOU NEED TO CALL THEM, you're my mom... I'm the first one in my BP to get married... all but one of them it's the first time as a BM, they don't know what they're supposed to be doing. They'll do anything you want to help, but they don't know and I shouldn't have to organize everything for this. She kept saying how no one has called her... but that's YOUR job to do, not theirs!

So FH is mad, she's all mad, my brother's all mad because he asked my FH for help, but not to take over and I have no idea what to do. I just know everyone's mad and it sucks. And my mom's all 'I can't deal with this right now'

Well, there isn't much time left to deal, my wedding is in 5 months.

So while I don't appreciate FH being like 'It's your mom's responsibility, it's the traditions' when really, it can be done a number of ways... it deosn't have to be all my mom... I see where he's coming from cause he's frustrated.

And I feel bad for my mom... she said 'this is exacltly what happened to me at my wedding and shower' but ...mom... your mom had already passed away when you got married. I'm lucky enough to have my mom still here... why wouldn't you want to make the effort to do something for me your mom couldn't do for you?

I just don't get it. My feelings are really hurt.

If you've just read another one of my page upon page vents, I love you for it. Thank you.

I don't have much advice I can offer, but just wanted to send your way. Hang in there, everything will work out!

Could be your mom feels bad because she can't fund it and maybe feels a bit awkward with your FH's mom paying for everything. I can understand that a little.
FH is just acting out of frustration and once he calms down a bit he'll understand that his reaction to you was a little harsh.

People get crazy when it comes to weddings and all that goes with them. Acting like totally different people at times. HEY it's your shower. Let whoever do whatever and you just show up and enjoy it. Tell FH you want no part of the planning anymore. That it's upsetting you and the last thing ANY BRIDE needs is to be upset about something she can't even fix!

Don't worry. It'll all work out in the end and you'll have a beautiful shower

Jamie, I'm sorry you have to go through all this... You definitely don't derserve this.
Do you think your mom feels uncomfortable calling your BP and FMIL to discuss your bridal shower since she's strapped for $?

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Posted by PhyllisNJoe

\Could be your mom feels bad because she can't fund it and maybe feels a bit awkward with your FH's mom paying for everything. I can understand that a little.

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I didn't even know about that until today. That's a recent development. So my mom didn't know either that there are plans underway.

While I understand my mom should have called FH, no one caled my mom to be like *** before they decided they weren't going to plan the shower because she wasn't seeming to be working fast enough on it. So I dunno. I guess that's what's bothering me? That and W*T*F does anyone want ME to do about it? Im the bride. IT's MY shower!

He felt the need to tell me this on the phonea t work today ... cause I needed that.

ugh.

Thanks girls. I don't know what I'd do without this board.

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Posted by cc2011
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Do you think your mom feels uncomfortable calling your BP and FMIL to discuss your bridal shower since she's strapped for $?

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Yes. Definitely, which I totally understand... but does that mean she was just going to ignore it? Cause that means if not for FH and FMIL I'd wind up not having one.. is that better? So that's what I'm upset about. The effort. There was no effort made to brainstorm around the $$ issue. I've asked her about it and got brushed off. She didn't come to me and say I'm not sure how to handle this but I want you to have a beautiful shower, what should we do?

That's what's upsetting me.

I'm sorry

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by PhyllisNJoe

\Could be your mom feels bad because she can't fund it and maybe feels a bit awkward with your FH's mom paying for everything. I can understand that a little.

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I didn't even know about that until today. That's a recent development. So my mom didn't know either that there are plans underway.

While I understand my mom should have called FH, no one caled my mom to be like *** before they decided they weren't going to plan the shower because she wasn't seeming to be working fast enough on it. So I dunno. I guess that's what's bothering me? That and W*T*F does anyone want ME to do about it? Im the bride. IT's MY shower!

He felt the need to tell me this on the phonea t work today ... cause I needed that.

ugh.

Thanks girls. I don't know what I'd do without this board.

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Everyone ALWAYS complains to the bride....I don't get it. Instead of making this time joyful and happy people always find a way to upset the bride. Jamie, I feel your pain. There's so much BS I'm dealing with that I can't even begin to tell you. Hang in there...

i had a lot of drama surrounding my shower too

and the best thing I did was to stay out of it

I started feeling bad for this one and feeling bad for that one...and not wanting this one to spend x amount of money...and this one couldnt afford this or go on this day

I just finally said you know what, Im staying out of it...i want to know the date and the place and that's it (this way no one could argue about it)

I think you should do the same thing

let your FILs and FH and your Mom deal with it themselves...get the shower you deserve and let them figure out the details themselves

I know its hard bc you want things a certain way and I get that...but you have plenty of other things to stress about...let THEM stress about the shower...it sounds like your fh and fil's are doing their part at giving you a nice day just leave it at that

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by cc2011
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Do you think your mom feels uncomfortable calling your BP and FMIL to discuss your bridal shower since she's strapped for $?

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Yes. Definitely, which I totally understand... but does that mean she was just going to ignore it? Cause that means if not for FH and FMIL I'd wind up not having one.. is that better? So that's what I'm upset about. The effort. There was no effort made to brainstorm around the $$ issue. I've asked her about it and got brushed off. She didn't come to me and say I'm not sure how to handle this but I want you to have a beautiful shower, what should we do?

That's what's upsetting me.

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Honestly, I don't think your mom would simply ignore it. Do you feel like FMIL and FSIL kinda jumped the gun based on the fact that FH was frustrated and worried? Did anyone besides you actually even speak to your mom? As hard as it sounds, try not to stress out about it. If I wasn't stuck in Albany, I'd suggest we go out for a drink.

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Posted by cc2011

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by cc2011
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Do you think your mom feels uncomfortable calling your BP and FMIL to discuss your bridal shower since she's strapped for $?

---

Yes. Definitely, which I totally understand... but does that mean she was just going to ignore it? Cause that means if not for FH and FMIL I'd wind up not having one.. is that better? So that's what I'm upset about. The effort. There was no effort made to brainstorm around the $$ issue. I've asked her about it and got brushed off. She didn't come to me and say I'm not sure how to handle this but I want you to have a beautiful shower, what should we do?


That's what's upsetting me.

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Honestly, I don't think your mom would simply ignore it. Do you feel like FMIL and FSIL kinda jumped the gun based on the fact that FH was frustrated and worried? Did anyone besides you actually even speak to your mom? As hard as it sounds, try not to stress out about it. If I wasn't stuck in Albany, I'd suggest we go out for a drink.

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Yes to all of the above. Which is all contributing to my frustration.
let me know what you're not in ALbany. Good luck on finals, btw!! Graduation coming soon!!!

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by cc2011

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by cc2011
.
Do you think your mom feels uncomfortable calling your BP and FMIL to discuss your bridal shower since she's strapped for $?

---

Yes. Definitely, which I totally understand... but does that mean she was just going to ignore it? Cause that means if not for FH and FMIL I'd wind up not having one.. is that better? So that's what I'm upset about. The effort. There was no effort made to brainstorm around the $$ issue. I've asked her about it and got brushed off. She didn't come to me and say I'm not sure how to handle this but I want you to have a beautiful shower, what should we do?


That's what's upsetting me.

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Honestly, I don't think your mom would simply ignore it. Do you feel like FMIL and FSIL kinda jumped the gun based on the fact that FH was frustrated and worried? Did anyone besides you actually even speak to your mom? As hard as it sounds, try not to stress out about it. If I wasn't stuck in Albany, I'd suggest we go out for a drink.

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Yes to all of the above. Which is all contributing to my frustration.
let me know what you're not in ALbany. Good luck on finals, btw!! Graduation coming soon!!!

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YES! I'm available the whole week of May 15th! Definitely going for a drink. I'm sending you an FM right now.

im sorry i dont even know what to say

This is sad, I wish you weren't dealing with it!!!!!

I know that everything will come together in the end and you will have a fabulous shower - but I wish you didn't have to deal with the along-the-way stuff. Maybe you can level with your brother and get him to encourage others to leave you out of it. It's not fair that you have to know the nitty gritty of how it all went down. What are they thinkinggggg.

edit b/c I can't type.

I'm sorry Jamie.

can your MOH be the go-between? that's what my MOH is doing... she's talking to my mom directly and relaying all the info back to my BMs.. Just a thought.

Also wanted to send hugs

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Posted by Soon2BMrsJoeBear

can your MOH be the go-between? that's what my MOH is doing... she's talking to my mom directly and relaying all the info back to my BMs.. Just a thought.

Also wanted to send hugs

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She's a whole other issue. My brother has been trying to be in touch with her about the bachelorette party anyway and having trouble with that too. Everyone's wrapped up int hemselves it seems... fine... everyone gets that way... but in 2 years of engagement, I haven't really asked much of anyone except to go dress shopping with me on a few different occasions.

So annoyed. Really.

ANyway, my brother is kinda playing the MOH role and my mom just still isn't reacting.

Sorry, your mom must be from the same tradition as my mom. My mother says tradation is the the BP is supposed to throw you a shower.

It does suck that everyone is mad because it puts a damper on whatever they are doing for you.

No advice just