Shower vent

Original post by JLWSJC

Apr 21, 2011 09:41 PM

I really don't care about the shower other than I don't know how we'd afford to get everything we need for a new apartment otherwise. I couldn't care less about the party.

But, my brother has been trying to help plan it because, for some reason, my mom has been completely non responsive about it. And FH is getting antsy because he a) wants to make sure I get 'the shower I deserve' and b) he wants presents. SO he was expressing his frustration to his mom and now, apparently, his mom and sister are spearheading the planning. Which I'm thankful for but, to be honest, I don't really want.

My mom doesn't have any money right now. Since she and my dad split up years ago things have been hard for her, she doesn't have a good job and she just doesn't have it. Can't squeeze blood from a stone. But FH called me all angry today telling me 'Just so you know, if you have a shower it's because of MY family and not yours. Your mom hasn't called me or anything and MY mom is willing to do it for you'

So I called my mom today and was like ***? I understand the $$ situation, but you couldn't be bothere dto check in with anyone and ask what should we do, can you help me out? And she was all like, well, your BP is supposed to be part of this too, and I said fine, I understand that, but YOU NEED TO CALL THEM, you're my mom... I'm the first one in my BP to get married... all but one of them it's the first time as a BM, they don't know what they're supposed to be doing. They'll do anything you want to help, but they don't know and I shouldn't have to organize everything for this. She kept saying how no one has called her... but that's YOUR job to do, not theirs!

So FH is mad, she's all mad, my brother's all mad because he asked my FH for help, but not to take over and I have no idea what to do. I just know everyone's mad and it sucks. And my mom's all 'I can't deal with this right now'

Well, there isn't much time left to deal, my wedding is in 5 months.

So while I don't appreciate FH being like 'It's your mom's responsibility, it's the traditions' when really, it can be done a number of ways... it deosn't have to be all my mom... I see where he's coming from cause he's frustrated.

And I feel bad for my mom... she said 'this is exacltly what happened to me at my wedding and shower' but ...mom... your mom had already passed away when you got married. I'm lucky enough to have my mom still here... why wouldn't you want to make the effort to do something for me your mom couldn't do for you?

I just don't get it. My feelings are really hurt.

If you've just read another one of my page upon page vents, I love you for it. Thank you.

FutureMrsRP Posted: Apr 22, 2011 09:11 AM

Re: Shower vent

Posted by LoveyDovey

i had a lot of drama surrounding my shower too

and the best thing I did was to stay out of it

I started feeling bad for this one and feeling bad for that one...and not wanting this one to spend x amount of money...and this one couldnt afford this or go on this day

I just finally said you know what, Im staying out of it...i want to know the date and the place and that's it (this way no one could argue about it)

I think you should do the same thing

EXACTLY this!!! Same thing here! :)

dolores4321 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 09:45 AM

Re: Shower vent

My mother didn't throw my shower she contributed money towards it but it was completely organized by my maid of honor and bridesmaids. My maid of honor made all the phone calls to bring the girls together so maybe you should tell your maid of honor to bring everyone together and ask her to include your mom in the planning process and his family as well. You should not be hearing all the problems your maid of honor should be your buffer and handle them. Just tell people who address you sorry but i am not planning it please speak to so and so they are handling it all. hth

leesah85 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 10:31 AM

Re: Shower vent

Posted by adelz

I don't have much advice I can offer, but just wanted to send your way. Hang in there, everything will work out!

ITA with this

Does your mom and FH's mom have a relationship at all? IF they do, then tell your mom she needs to get her act in gear and give FH's mom a call to ask how she can contribute in non-monetary ways and to thank her for taking the financial burden off of her back IMO - but that's just me

Moonmist09 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 10:37 AM

Re: Shower vent

i am so sorry! it seems that most showers involve so much drama and inevitably, the bride gets ****** into it and her feelings end up getting hurt.
your mom should not wait around to see what can be done. even if she can't contribute monetarily, she can still help in a number of other ways, time, researching for things, putting stuff together, scouting locations...a host of different things.
Your BP not ever being in a BP is no excuse, they should know better than to just sit back and not say anything. As your wedding is only 5 months away, they should take th initiative and ask someone, when is her Bridal Shower? What are we doing?
I'm sure your FH is frustrated, along with your brother. Your Fh is probably hearing it from his mom and his family because they are planning this for you, although i am sure they are happy to do it, but because they are getting no help from your side. You really would think, that because your mom had a bad time during her shower, she wouldn't want to same for her daughter. After all the drama involved with mine, I would never put my daughter through that!
Your brother is prob annoyed because its really not his place to plan this.
I would have veryone get together and discuss this to try to get things resolved, but i would definately push my mother to call FH's family to smooth and unruffle feathers

Summer Bride 2011 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 10:50 AM

Re: Shower vent

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

Soon2bMrsB91511 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 11:01 AM

Re: Shower vent

Yea, this def sucks. That's why I dont wanna put any of that 'hosted by' bull$hit on the invite--HATE THAT!

I think the most important thing is not who pays for it or who organizes it, but that everyone you love is in the same room celebrating you! And I think the best thing to do is to just stay out of it and be optimistic that it will all work out!

VCanizalez Posted: Apr 22, 2011 11:02 AM

Re: Shower vent

Im sorry Jamie...
=-( Maybe talk more calm with ur mom.... Hope everyhign tunrs out great....
ur mom should have offer at least ot help... and i think ur FH should have said what he said....

NikkiB0401 Posted: Apr 22, 2011 11:27 AM

Re: Shower vent

Posted by JLWSJC

I really don't care about the shower other than I don't know how we'd afford to get everything we need for a new apartment otherwise. I couldn't care less about the party.

But, my brother has been trying to help plan it because, for some reason, my mom has been completely non responsive about it. And FH is getting antsy because he a) wants to make sure I get 'the shower I deserve' and b) he wants presents. SO he was expressing his frustration to his mom and now, apparently, his mom and sister are spearheading the planning. Which I'm thankful for but, to be honest, I don't really want.

My mom doesn't have any money right now. Since she and my dad split up years ago things have been hard for her, she doesn't have a good job and she just doesn't have it. Can't squeeze blood from a stone. But FH called me all angry today telling me 'Just so you know, if you have a shower it's because of MY family and not yours. Your mom hasn't called me or anything and MY mom is willing to do it for you'

So I called my mom today and was like ***? I understand the $$ situation, but you couldn't be bothere dto check in with anyone and ask what should we do, can you help me out? And she was all like, well, your BP is supposed to be part of this too, and I said fine, I understand that, but YOU NEED TO CALL THEM, you're my mom... I'm the first one in my BP to get married... all but one of them it's the first time as a BM, they don't know what they're supposed to be doing. They'll do anything you want to help, but they don't know and I shouldn't have to organize everything for this. She kept saying how no one has called her... but that's YOUR job to do, not theirs!

So FH is mad, she's all mad, my brother's all mad because he asked my FH for help, but not to take over and I have no idea what to do. I just know everyone's mad and it sucks. And my mom's all 'I can't deal with this right now'

Well, there isn't much time left to deal, my wedding is in 5 months.

So while I don't appreciate FH being like 'It's your mom's responsibility, it's the traditions' when really, it can be done a number of ways... it deosn't have to be all my mom... I see where he's coming from cause he's frustrated.

And I feel bad for my mom... she said 'this is exacltly what happened to me at my wedding and shower' but ...mom... your mom had already passed away when you got married. I'm lucky enough to have my mom still here... why wouldn't you want to make the effort to do something for me your mom couldn't do for you?

I just don't get it. My feelings are really hurt.

If you've just read another one of my page upon page vents, I love you for it. Thank you.

UGH! I totally feel for you! I'm actually dealing with this same exact issue. Only difference is my mom lives out of state. She has not called once or even tried to get in contact with either Fh's mom or my step mom. But continued to ask me when and what was happening with my shower. She actually kinda of told me when it was gonna be too ( which totally pissed me off!!!!!!!) FH has been yelling at me about it as well and making remarks. I'm completely embarassed since his parents are now saying things like 'well I guess she really isn't the person we thought she was.' It sucks cause my dad and step-mom have become very close with FH's parents and my mom hasn't even tried. The one and only time my mom even made an effort to talk to FH's parents was when she basically dropped me on their doorstep when she moved (i had to live with FH for 3 months while our apartment was being finished).

My only advice is to try and not get upset. Try to make the most out of everything that is and will be happening. You can't change people and its not your fault that this is happening.