signing my annulment papers tomorrow

Our appt was for Monday but was cancelled b/c of the snow so its tomorrow. I am upset- reality is hitting me that my short marriage will be over- actually it will have never existed. Although I KNOW in my heart I made the right decision, it still hurts so much and I wish it didnt have to be this way.

My husband admitted to me that he has not gotten help since he left. No counselor, no therapy.. all lies.... And he is still drinking and god knows what else. Its so sad. I really loved him with all of my heart and part of me feels like a failure. But i cant force him to change. I cant force him to go the therapy, AA or any other counselor. All I know is that I cant live my life that way. Its not fair. its so cliche but we only get one shot at this life and I cant live HOPING he one will wake up. His wife leaving him was not enough. I only wish he would realize that I loved him so much and I am not doing this to hurt him. I had a hard childhood of divorce and dysfunction and i will be dam&ed if I am going to follow in those footsteps.

Anyway, just venting. I am so scared about tomorrow. My cousin is coming with me because I need a witness with me to signthe papers. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

I honestly can tell you this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Even only being married for a year, I am not leaving because I dont love him anymore, I love him because he has a serious drinking problem and will not do anything about it. And I cant sit there and watch him destry himself and take me down with him.

Wish me luck.. I will need all the strength I can to get me through this...