SIL help: Stillborn at 35 weeks

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DH sister delievered a still born at 39 weeks, she did take pictures and did get to hold her. After she arranged the funeral she took all the pictures and the momentos (footprints, hospital hat and t-shirt etc) and put them in a box which she stores in her closet.

Altough it may seem like adding more pain for her to see the pictures she does need to see them, for closure, to know that these past 35 weeks what precious gift was inside of her.

I wish you and your family all the best

ETS: DH sister did go on to deliever 2 more children, the first almost to the day she lost her baby

im so sorry!!

A friend of mine also had a stillborn... she also held the baby and took photos... she has a locket that she wears that has the baby's foot prints on one side and a photo on the other side... i was kind of suprised when i first saw that thinking that it would be something hard to see... but it does comfort her... maybe you can do something like that for her... she also has a box where she keeps momentos...

all these months later it is still hard for her to go to baby showers or be around other women that are pregnant, but she is getting through... it also helps her to talk about it to someone... so i mostly would just sit and listen...

i hope that helps!

OMG! I am so very sorry to hear that!! how AWFUL!!!

This is a very hard decision to make, and my heart goes out to all of you!

IMO, you should do as she asks and send the pics.

If you don't and they're lost, you won't forgive yourself. your SIL asked for them and I think as hard as it is, she should get them.

good luck and God bless!

Im so sorry
my sister was still born, and i know how rough it was for my mom. the hospital took the pictures though, and my parents have them (though my brother, sister and I have never seen them).

I completely understand your concerns, and know that it is Purely out of sensitivity to her that your hesitant, however, i have to honestly say that i dont feel that This decision is up to you Or something that should be discussed with your MIL before your SIL. It was her child, she's lost so much, and i dont think it would be fair to take away the 'control' from her in this situation. I hope that doesnt sound rough- i dont mean it to- its just that it really isnt Your decision to make.

my thoughts and prayers are with them

I think you should get them to her as soon as you can. My close friend had a stillborn at 25 weeks, and she got to hold her daughter, bundle her in the blanket, etc. She had the hosptial take pictures and her SIL did too, and she has the footprints, and certificates from the hospital. The pictures were a major source of comfort for her. She had to grieve some way, and looking at pictures of her daughter made it a little bit easier, as it was all she really had. Your SIl is hurting big time, and maybe looking at the pictures will comfort her a little bit.

SO sorry for the loss in your family, my thoughts are with you at this time.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this.


God grant mercy.

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Posted by StayandJohn

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DH sister delievered a still born at 39 weeks, she did take pictures and did get to hold her. After she arranged the funeral she took all the pictures and the momentos (footprints, hospital hat and t-shirt etc) and put them in a box which she stores in her closet.

Altough it may seem like adding more pain for her to see the pictures she does need to see them, for closure, to know that these past 35 weeks what precious gift was inside of her.

I wish you and your family all the best

ETS: DH sister did go on to deliever 2 more children, the first almost to the day she lost her baby

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this happened to my aunt too. she went into labor full term with her second child and sadly, she was stillborn. complications with the nurse practioner telling her to go back home. anyway, yes, they took pictures, which we as a family saw at the funeral. they live in california so they flew back here for the funeral and burial. she went on to have 2 more children, as well. however, i think the best thing for her was holding the baby and taking pictures. we as a family looked at them. it helped us as well. i think it solidified the experience. otherwise, we wouldn't have 'met' the baby and therefore wouldn't have completely understood the situation.

my condolences to your sister, her husband, you and your family.

I am so sorry. My college roommate lost her baby at 10 days old (they didn't know he had a heart defect, poor little guy, and he suffered a lot in 10 days. She took a LOT of pictures of him, and she really cherishes them. I would give them to her. She can then decide if she wants to look at them or put them away for another time.

It's such a horrible thing to happen. My heart goes out to you--the funeral was the saddest day of my life. Try to be there for her, my friend said that a lot of people began to ignore her because they didn't know what to say and she was very hurt by that.

Prayers for you and for your family.

So sorry. I would definetely send her the pictures. It will help her heal. And, I think you should print up the pictures and put them away for safe-keeping, just in case in her grief she deletes them by accident.
Again, sorry, I can't think of anything more heartbreaking.

I didnt realize how much this happens......its a very sad tragedy especially after carrying and planning for your baby for all that time and then its stillborn I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family


I would let her make the decision on the picture

I am soo sorry this has happened to your family. What a heartbreak. I think the pictures will give her closure and it is her decision if she wants to see the pictures. I'd send them.

You can go on storknet.com and ask there maybe?
I would give the pics to my brother and put them in an envelope and when they want to look at it they will.
I am so sorry for what happened.

I lost my premature son recently. I can honestly tell you, do not hold any pictures back from her. It is going to hurt her to see them because she won't have him to hold. BUT they are going to be all she has of him.

I won't get too much into things on this thread, but I will FM you and I can help. DH and I just ended our bereavement counseling session last week and I can send you lots of paperwork that can help both you, family, friends and of course, your SIL.

I am also starting tomorrow night training on becoming a volunteer to counsel others and I can help you with things to say/not to say that are upsetting.

My heart goes out to your SIL.

Donna, I really admire your strength and I just want to say that I think it's so wonderful that you're going to be able to counsel others and help them in their time of need.

So sorry for your families loss...

I am so sorry.

Maybe you can put them in an envelope for her and she can open it when she feels that she is ready.

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Posted by marymoon

Donna, I really admire your strength and I just want to say that I think it's so wonderful that you're going to be able to counsel others and help them in their time of need.

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I agree... Donna, that is a wonderful thing for you to do!