so, before my rant, I have to give a little background info: my sister got married last year and it was a same sex wedding so it was a little more on the casual side. Anyway, for her and her wife's bachelorette party, they wanted to do a mets game rather than a weekend away somewhere. We planned this nice day trip where we got awesome field level seats, along with hosting a huge lunch in the Acela Club inside the stadium. It was not cheap at all, and in the end it ended up costing close to $200 per person, just for the game and lunch. Then, we all went out the bars all night and spent a ton of money on their drinks (two brides=double the booze lol) and on dinner food. So I would say all in all I definitely spent a good chunk of money on their party. Keep in mind, I was in grad school, unemployed, and babysat occasionally to save up for my MOH duties for that year (shower favors, bachelorette, dress, etc.) but never brought money issues up to them or complained in any way because I knew by accepting the MOH title that this would happen and I was OK with it...
now flash-forward to now: My sister is my MOH and I asked her wife/my FSIL to be a bridesmaid. my friends and I all discussed maybe going to foxwoods for the night for my bachelorette, and grouping 3-4 people per room so that it'll be like $50 per person for the room each. All of the girls were totally cool with that, and then we can just have a nice dinner and gamble and whatever. Wellll, my sister calls me the other day and says that she thought it would be a nice idea to invite the girls over her house for a bachelorette BBQ and then we can just hangout at her house for the night because it's free and she would rather save the money. I told her that I wanted to do Foxwoods and that my friends all agreed that it wasn't a big expense at all, and my sister said that because she just bought a house she would rather be money-conscious. long story short, we had an argument and I ended up basically explaining to her that its complete BS that she can't manage to save like $200 between now and the end of march..
Am I being a brat by being honest with her and saying what I want for the party? I feel like one night in a hotel is pretty reasonable. Plus, I relayed the message to a couple of my friends and they all basically said that if we were just going to have a sleepover at someone's house, then the last place we would go is my sister's new home in CT. If that was the case, we would just stay on LI lol and none of them want to do that. I'm the first of my friends to get married, and they are very excited for the first bachelorette party of the group, so they all want to go to AC or foxwoods and have a real bachelorette party experience.
All in all, my sister is older, doesn't really like the club scene, and is very into the more quiet and laid-back type of parties. I honored her wishes in wanting a bachelorette party that was laid back for her wedding. Now that it is my turn, I feel like it is only fair that I deserve to have the party that reflects what I like too
Why don't you do Foxwoods with your girlfriends and do something separate and low-key with your sister and her wife? I agree that you should be able to do what you want (within reason, which Foxwoods is very reasonable), but if she's going to be like this about the money, she might be a downer to your night out anyway.
My friend did a separate thing with her sisters for bachelorette and did AC with her friends. Then everybody is happy!
MissToMrs
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slight rant.. my first
I'm so sorry you ate going through this. It's your party and you should have exactly what you want. You also went out of your way for your sister when it was her turn! If it were me. .. (and now I can be bratty at times but at least I admit it) I would do what you and your friends want and if she doesn't like it then tell her not to come and just do what your friends and you want. I'm sure your friends will have no problem taking over planning!!! I think she may come around and hopefully you guys can work it out! :)
Lguido
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slight rant.. my first
I agree with the post above by lori 0413. I think you should still go to a.c or Foxwoods with your friends & get together with your sister & sister in law a different night. Ac isn't for everyone! & its not a bad thing if your sister doesn't go.. Good luck & don't stress! It will all work out!
maine1981
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by Lguido
I agree with the post above by lori 0413. I think you should still go to a.c or Foxwoods with your friends & get together with your sister & sister in law a different night. Ac isn't for everyone! & its not a bad thing if your sister doesn't go.. Good luck & don't stress! It will all work out!
I agree with this.
cets1290
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slight rant.. my first
That's not a bad idea.. I think it was more the principle of the whole thing that ticked me off though. I never complained about money to her and I feel like its was kinda messed up to put that on me and make me feel bad as if I was asking for alot (which I really feel like I'm not asking for a lot at all)
xBudgetBridex
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slight rant.. my first
crashing.... your sister and her wife live in ct, and foxwoods is in ct, are they close enough to drive? this way your sister and sil are still included with all the girls they can drive home instead of staying at the hotel. everyone else can stay at the hotel though!
luckyerialc
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slight rant.. my first
Ugh so frustrating.. it's not like you're demanding everyone fly to Vegas for the weekend or something! It's one night for $50/person. I personally would be annoyed, especially since you put together such a nice and thoughtful bachelorette for her. Even if she isn't into AC or Foxwoods, she could still think of something a little more elaborate than just a backyard BBQ.
Soon2BeMrsMango
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by Lori0413
Why don't you do Foxwoods with your girlfriends and do something separate and low-key with your sister and her wife? I agree that you should be able to do what you want (within reason, which Foxwoods is very reasonable), but if she's going to be like this about the money, she might be a downer to your night out anyway.
My friend did a separate thing with her sisters for bachelorette and did AC with her friends. Then everybody is happy!
this is exactly what I was thinking!
dariamarie2
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slight rant.. my first
That's so frustrating and you're not at all being a bridezilla! I understand AC or Foxwoods isn't for everyone but I think they should be a little more flexible and just go. It's 1 night! If she insists on not going then I agree with the above posts of doing Foxwoods with your friends then something low key with your sister and SIL.
meejack1110
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slight rant.. my first
You are def NOT being a bridezilla, I agree that as long as the request is reasonable (it is) that it should be honored. If you can do two celebrations it would probably be best, this way you can have the trip you want and still do something with your Sis and SisinLaw. It may even be a good thing because you can include other older women (mom aunts, fh's fam etc) to the tamer Bacholorette party with your sister since it's not going to be anything crazy lol
cets1290
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by xBudgetBridex
crashing.... your sister and her wife live in ct, and foxwoods is in ct, are they close enough to drive? this way your sister and sil are still included with all the girls they can drive home instead of staying at the hotel. everyone else can stay at the hotel though!
They are about an hour and a half from Foxwoods I would say. That could be a good idea to bring up when it gets closer. I just don't want to be getting into this now with her when the party isn't until April anyway. I'm glad nobody thinks I'm being unreasonable it makes me feel better. I hate to have to be the one to say 'no I don't want to do that' because it makes me feel like I am being picky. I am ok with going with the flow on most things if it means it will keep the peace, but I don't want to sacrifice a fun night to please everyone else either.
Terriechick
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slight rant.. my first
Totally not unreasonable.. Esp with all you went through for their shower there were two of them and you were not really working adn you made their dream happen the least they can do is give you yours!! But I do agree with everyone.. You do not want sour pusses at your party so I would make one of your funner BMs in charge of the fun shower and worksomething our with sissy!
bridejackson22
Posted:
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slight rant.. my first
Sorry you are going through this. I was in a wedding a few years ago. The bride wanted to go to a male review have the 'bachelorette experience' Her two sisters her Maid or honor and Matron of honor both did not want to partake in the bachelorette party 'it wasn't there cup of tea' So they did a sisters spa day the bride did enjoy spa days and she was okay with that as long as she still got to have a typical bachelorette party. I felt bad that non of her bridesmaids besides my sister and I were participating in her bachelorette party so we threw her the best party we could. I reserved a vip table at male review in the city. Paid to get her a hot seat. Before going to the city we have festivities at my sisters house. We had all kinds of raunchy shaped foods, games, ect. The train ride in we made her play the bachelorette game which is like a mix between truth or dare and simon says, and a scavenger hunt. It was a list of things she had to do and for everyone she refused or didn't complete she had to take a shot. We came equipped with lots of mini bottles of alcohol. It was tons of fun she had a great time and she didn't hold a grudge against her sisters. So maybe talk to your girls ask them if they are cool that your sister and sil are not partaking and ask your sister if she would do something more low key and special with just you.
EAY213
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by Lori0413
Why don't you do Foxwoods with your girlfriends and do something separate and low-key with your sister and her wife? I agree that you should be able to do what you want (within reason, which Foxwoods is very reasonable), but if she's going to be like this about the money, she might be a downer to your night out anyway.
My friend did a separate thing with her sisters for bachelorette and did AC with her friends. Then everybody is happy!
That friend was me ;) and the way we did it worked out perfectly. I did AC with my unmarried maid of honor and 2 other girlfriends not in the wedding party, we had a BLAST. Then a week before the wedding i went out to Besito in Huntington for dinner and drinks with my sisters and mom and had a great time. It was nice for them because everyone was find with the costs, and it was nice for me because it was another excuse to celebrate and have fun!
MsA2MrsA
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by cets1290
That's not a bad idea.. I think it was more the principle of the whole thing that ticked me off though. I never complained about money to her and I feel like its was kinda messed up to put that on me and make me feel bad as if I was asking for alot (which I really feel like I'm not asking for a lot at all)
I agree. I would be annoyed too. Your sister is being a brat. So you're supposed to spend all of that money on her (when you could have put it towards your (future) house, your wedding, etc) and she couldn't be bothered to spend it on you? That's super annoying. You aren't being a bridezilla, your sister is being kind of inconsiderate. At least to me. She should just go and pay the cost because you did the same for her. What's fair is fair.
Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by EAY213
Posted by Lori0413
Why don't you do Foxwoods with your girlfriends and do something separate and low-key with your sister and her wife? I agree that you should be able to do what you want (within reason, which Foxwoods is very reasonable), but if she's going to be like this about the money, she might be a downer to your night out anyway.
My friend did a separate thing with her sisters for bachelorette and did AC with her friends. Then everybody is happy!
That friend was me ;) and the way we did it worked out perfectly. I did AC with my unmarried maid of honor and 2 other girlfriends not in the wedding party, we had a BLAST. Then a week before the wedding i went out to Besito in Huntington for dinner and drinks with my sisters and mom and had a great time. It was nice for them because everyone was find with the costs, and it was nice for me because it was another excuse to celebrate and have fun!
Glad to see you still lurking the boards!
Percz2418
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Re: slight rant.. my first 'bridezilla' moment lol
Posted by dariamarie2
That's so frustrating and you're not at all being a bridezilla! I understand AC or Foxwoods isn't for everyone but I think they should be a little more flexible and just go. It's 1 night! If she insists on not going then I agree with the above posts of doing Foxwoods with your friends then something low key with your sister and SIL.
This! I also totally agree with you that when you say 'yes' to being in a bridal party you should be ready and willing to make the full time and financial commitment. Especially, when is someone who 1) is so important to you and 2) you stepped up to the plate for them. No matter what happens make sure you get everything you want out of this experience. You'll find a balance between your wants and what your girls can/will do. My wedding mantra: It will all work out in the end because we'll be married lol
jenandivan
Posted:
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slight rant.. my first
I think something separate would be appropriate.
My MoH lives in TX, and can't make it for anything except for a few day prior to the wedding. She's sad that she can't make the shower or the bachelorette party, but understands. So I'm going ahead with the usual festivities (weekend in AC, and my other BM is hosting my shower at her home), and my MoH and I will do something separate a couple of days before the wedding. Probably dinner in the city or something like that. I didn't want her to feel left out at all.
