SO ANNOYED AT MY B-MAID! (vent-long)

So my bmaid and I talk on aim like everday during the week... she lives in Oregon, moved there after I was engaged.

So then today she decides to tell me that she cant get into new york a day early and will have to miss the rehersal & RD. Sooo, I , not being the happy camper is giving her a hard time and tell her to talk to her boss...she does with no avail. she gets no sick or vaca days off.... so she's arriving the morning of my wedding... i know she's going to be tired and cranky

THEN
as i mention how i scheduled all the girls to get thier hair done at a salon...proceeds to tell how she is basically NOT going to get hair done and will do it herself... she has super short hair and is convinced that the stylist will mess it up- and i'm like they are only charging you like 30 bucks to get it done and she's like no I refuse!

then she later is giving me a hard time about nail polish color! (i had wanted to do a bridal lunch thing and get mani/pedi that day before the wed too) mind u, I have no idea what color i want everyone to wear yet either

why does everyone have to make it about them!!!! If i want them to have green nail polish with blue hair they should say ok sure!!!!!!

sorry my bridezilla is coming out!!! i'm soooo annoyed.

In my opinion- you're being very bridezilla. If she doesn;t feel comfortable getting her hair done- as long as she isn't planning a mohawk- why do you care?

And not one person at your wedding is going to notice what color nails she has. Ask her to keep it low key (no electric blue) and that should be fine.

You shouldn't let silly things like this ruin your day- it's not worth it- because like every newlywed of here will tell you- It WON'T matter on your wedding day.

Maybe you could offer to pay for her hair if you want it done so badly? It could be the cost she's worried about (it's $$$ to be a bridesmaid- esp if she has to come from out of town) and she's embarrassed to tell you.

Her job isn't her fault- I wouldn't be mad at her about that (upset, maybe, but def. not mad!)

I don't think anyone will be staring at her nails- just tell her to keep it a neutral color.

This girl must be important to you if you asked her to be in your bridal party...I don't think nail polish color is worth it to get into a tiff over.

I know it can be stressful and annoying, just try to remember that in the grand scheme of things- nail polish won't really matter.


Good luck and keep smiling!

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Posted by soon2bmrsconnolly

In my opinion- you're being very bridezilla. If she doesn;t feel comfortable getting her hair done- as long as she isn't planning a mohawk- why do you care?

And not one person at your wedding is going to notice what color nails she has. Ask her to keep it low key (no electric blue) and that should be fine.

You shouldn't let silly things like this ruin your day- it's not worth it- because like every newlywed of here will tell you- It WON'T matter on your wedding day.

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I completely agree. As a matter of fact, I offered my bridesmaids the option of using the hair stylists who are coming to my hosue (and make-up artist too) the day of. All of the girls said yes except for one...I certainly didn't give her a hard time...People resent being bossed around. Just remember to flip sides and think how you would feel if you were in your friend's shoes. I understand the frustration of your friend missing the RD and coming in the day of....That would stress me a little too...But remember the day flies and its all about you and your fh...not the hair style and color of your BMs hair. Enjoy the process...don't stress.

but for me, it was one thing after another....it make me feel like she doesnt want to be a part of bascially everything i'm planning for us to do things together....most of my bridesmaids are from out of town and those are things that we can share and expirence together.

i know for the wedding it wont matter. its the point that she overwhelmed with all this one after another.

i think i was just caught off guard...obviously at the end of the day there isnt anything I can do.

OMG- my computer went crazy and posted 3 times!!!!

dont get annoyed, your wedding will be perfect!!!!

at least she is going to make the trip from oregon for your wedding......
thats alot to for her to do, if she cant take the extra day, then so what, have another BM fill her in on what to do and she will be fine

as for hair and nails, i asked the girls who wanted to get theirs done, mine all want to but i wouldn't make them, you dont know what her reason is but people are funny abt their hair, she may have had a bad experience or maybe its a money thing, even though it sounds cheap, you are not in her financial shoes....

i am sure her hair and nails will look great!!!!

maybe your upset cuz she cant be there for everything, but the wedding, a show of your love to FH is the most important thing, so try to relax and remember to enjoy this time

ps your not a bridezilla for feeling this way

sorry that you feel like she's not caring--obviously it sounds like its more than just today that is annoying you. but based on what you are posting--i don't really see the big deal. she did try and get out of work a day early for your wedding---she is flying all the way from oregon---she is being in your wedding as a BM---she's probably spending $$$$$ to fly in. try your best to not see it as 'why can't she just do these things i'm asking!' and think 'well i'm happy that she at least is taking valuable time to be here, spending money, and being a part of my special day.' i know when you are the bride, it can stink when you feel like people aren't caring or just doing the 'little things' you are requesting of them.........but try and step back from it all and remember that her hair and her nails are no biggie.....she's flying 3,000 miles to be there for your big day.....and i'm sure she will look great no matter what.

I just think you need to see it from her side...as far as coming in early I don't think she has a choice or so it seems.

As for the other things i can understand why someone with short hair doesn't want to get their hair done....I feel like short hair can easily be screwed up...maybe ask her if she'll come there anyway? Just to be there with you all???

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Posted by zoe282
maybe ask her if she'll come there anyway? Just to be there with you all???

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That's a really good idea!

I reread my post and saw I kind of sounded snotty. I didn't mean to. I hope everything works out for you

there should be an icon for face slap...

like snap out of it!!! lol

thanks ladies... I suppose i needed to hear that,
I guess I just want everything to go smoothly and we all hold hands and sing koombaya...lol

it like littearlly just happened and i hate having to contain my emotions at work!

i tend to obsesses of the little things and then leave the major things on the bottom of the stress pile...lilke hair and make up!

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Posted by SparkyandAng

I'm so opposite of you and I'm pretty OCD...i don't care what type or what color shoes they choose, I don't care how they wear their hair or who does their makeup...they are all adults and I trust that they will want to look their best for my wedding, but I love them regardless and am just happy they agreed to be in my bridal party.

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Same here

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about any of this.

1) I completely sympathize with her not being able to get there a day early. I get ZERO sick time so if I'm ever sick I have to use 1 of the ten days vacation time I get per year... lets just say that when I get back from wedding and HM stuff, my paycheck will be piddly.

2) I also understand her not wanting to get her hair done. $30 or not, she's flying in from Oregon which isn't cheap... if she can save a buck, she's lucky. Look at it this way... that is one less person that will have to stand in line to get their hair done and hold everything up. Suggest to her to come hang out at the salon with everyone when she's ready so that everyone can hang and gossip and drink mimosas... that is what a few of my BMs are doing.

3) Don't worry about nail color... I wouldn't even suggest that your girls wear a certain color... it shouldn't even be an issue... worry about YOUR nail color and move on. Remember, no one is looking at the BMs... they'll be looking at you!

4) BREATH!!! Enjoy it all and let the rest slide off your back... look at the big picture.

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Posted by Adriana618

So my bmaid and I talk on aim like everday during the week... she lives in Oregon, moved there after I was engaged.

So then today she decides to tell me that she cant get into new york a day early and will have to miss the rehersal & RD. Sooo, I , not being the happy camper is giving her a hard time and tell her to talk to her boss...she does with no avail. she gets no sick or vaca days off.... so she's arriving the morning of my wedding... i know she's going to be tired and cranky

THEN
as i mention how i scheduled all the girls to get thier hair done at a salon...proceeds to tell how she is basically NOT going to get hair done and will do it herself... she has super short hair and is convinced that the stylist will mess it up- and i'm like they are only charging you like 30 bucks to get it done and she's like no I refuse!

then she later is giving me a hard time about nail polish color! (i had wanted to do a bridal lunch thing and get mani/pedi that day before the wed too) mind u, I have no idea what color i want everyone to wear yet either

why does everyone have to make it about them!!!! If i want them to have green nail polish with blue hair they should say ok sure!!!!!!

sorry my bridezilla is coming out!!! i'm soooo annoyed.

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im sorry but you should be happy she is even coming-i know many girls on here have had bm's back out.

I agree that these issues should not come between your friendship. After the wedding you might feel different. It's a lot of pressure and your stress over her actions/inactions might really be misdirected stress over the pressure of the wedding itself. it is totally understandable and that's why there are great forums like this on the Net.

I'll tell you from me personally I almost always decline invitations to OOT weddings, best friend or family. i have only said yes to two. It is very expensive, plus the wedding gift, shower gift, + BM stuff....

Nobody will notice a nail polish color, shoe color, or even hair styles to tell you the truth. all that matters is how the bride looks and if you look happy everything will look great and your guests will not even care about those other things.

Just remember that her not following your instructions word for word doesn't mean she doesn't care and certainly is not taking away from you on your day; even if you think it will, I assure you it won't.

Best of luck