So, my BM dresses are a little on the expensive side - $230 including tax but before alterations (I know not in everyone's opinion, but for some people...). I checked with all my BMs first and it was fine with everyone, and I let everyone know that I could help anyone who needed $$.
Well, on Saturday, my Mom comes with me and two of my cousins for them to be measured, and when I wasn't looking, she paid for their deposits in full. Now, this is very nice and generous BUT I already had 4 of my other BMs measured and all 4 left deposits on their own. If anything, the two BMs I already went with could've used the help, b/c one just graduated college and hasn't found a job yet and the other is in law school. These two cousins are, financially, doing just fine.
So, I confronted her about it, and she said she would do it for all my BMs because, as I pointed out, it's not fair to just do it for some. Nice right? But now what about the girls who ALREADY left deposits? One of them already opted to pay for it in full! While I'm appreciative of her help, I feel like she just complicated everything SO MUCH.
I think me and my Mom need to start having huddles like they do in football before either of us does something wedding related...
angl2001
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Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Posted by davenjess
I think the main issue Jess is having here is that there are other family members in the BP - they are very likely to find out that this happened....
Definitely need a pow-wow before it happens & LOVE the idea of her coming with to pick up the dresses!!! For the girl who paid in full - maybe let her pay for her makeup or hair on day of, etc...
AHHHHHHHHHH gotcha...yeah i agree
BNBride60
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Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Posted by angl2001
Posted by davenjess
I think the main issue Jess is having here is that there are other family members in the BP - they are very likely to find out that this happened....
Definitely need a pow-wow before it happens & LOVE the idea of her coming with to pick up the dresses!!! For the girl who paid in full - maybe let her pay for her makeup or hair on day of, etc...
AHHHHHHHHHH gotcha...yeah i agree
The other issue I haven't even broached with my Mom yet is about one of my cousins, also a BM, who everyone knows is trying actively to get pregnant although she is only 20 years old, doesn't have a degree or a job and neither does her boyfriend who is abusive. I keep saying I'm so concerned about her (for all the reasons I mentioned) but also because, if she gets pregnant, there is NO WAY they'll be able to let this dress out to accomodate her (and the order needs to be in by the end of October). My Mom keeps saying 'it will be her money that is lost.' Does that mean she ISN'T going to pick up her deposit? Because by the way, my Aunt will sucker punch my Mom if she finds out my Mom picked it up for all the other cousins but not her daughter.
For some reason, on my Mom's side, all my Aunts who are married in (like my mom's brothers' wives) HATE each other. Anyone else have something like this? Even going BM dress shopping was so complicated - I couldn't have my two aunts together because they don't get along. So much drama!
SoontobeMrsMc
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Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Aww! That's a tough call. She did such a nice gesture and that was so sweet of her to want to help BUT you are right... it wouldn't be fair to the other BM's.
I agree w/ you... Football huddles are an important part of the planning process!
I hope you both can figure something out!
SoontobeMrsMc
Posted:
Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Posted by Jess125483
Posted by angl2001
Posted by davenjess
I think the main issue Jess is having here is that there are other family members in the BP - they are very likely to find out that this happened....
Definitely need a pow-wow before it happens & LOVE the idea of her coming with to pick up the dresses!!! For the girl who paid in full - maybe let her pay for her makeup or hair on day of, etc...
AHHHHHHHHHH gotcha...yeah i agree
The other issue I haven't even broached with my Mom yet is about one of my cousins, also a BM, who everyone knows is trying actively to get pregnant although she is only 20 years old, doesn't have a degree or a job and neither does her boyfriend who is abusive. I keep saying I'm so concerned about her (for all the reasons I mentioned) but also because, if she gets pregnant, there is NO WAY they'll be able to let this dress out to accomodate her (and the order needs to be in by the end of October). My Mom keeps saying 'it will be her money that is lost.' Does that mean she ISN'T going to pick up her deposit? Because by the way, my Aunt will sucker punch my Mom if she finds out my Mom picked it up for all the other cousins but not her daughter.
For some reason, on my Mom's side, all my Aunts who are married in (like my mom's brothers' wives) HATE each other. Anyone else have something like this? Even going BM dress shopping was so complicated - I couldn't have my two aunts together because they don't get along. So much drama!
WOW! I can understand why you are concerned. What do you think your mom is going to say when you talk to her about this? It's so funny... we wait for this day for so long and never imagine all the little problems that come along with the planning!
BNBride60
Posted:
Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
WOW! I can understand why you are concerned. What do you think your mom is going to say when you talk to her about this? It's so funny... we wait for this day for so long and never imagine all the little problems that come along with the planning!
I really don't know. I tried to talk to my cousin and explain to her that if she ends up pregnant in the next month or so, she'll be a full 9 months pregnant at the wedding OR she will have given birth already. And, if she is 9 months pregnant, she probably won't even be able to attend the wedding at all because she is from upstate New York, and it would be very dangerous for her to be that far away from her obstetrician and her hospital if she was on the verge of giving birth. She kept saying 'no, I will be in your bridal party no matter what.' She is just so young, I don't think she is thinking about it realistically.
SoontobeMrsMc
Posted:
Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Yeah, it doesnt sound like she's understanding the whole concept. Unfortunately, we can't control other's actions. I think you're gonna have to just accept her ways and pray that she doesnt get pregnant before the wedding. If she does, I would explain to her that it's not a smart choice for her to be in the wedding party. Tough call!
BNBride60
Posted:
Member since
Re: SO ANNOYED at my Mom...
Posted by SoontobeMrsMc
Yeah, it doesnt sound like she's understanding the whole concept. Unfortunately, we can't control other's actions. I think you're gonna have to just accept her ways and pray that she doesnt get pregnant before the wedding. If she does, I would explain to her that it's not a smart choice for her to be in the wedding party. Tough call!
Thanks!! I am really scared for her, and the wedding of course is the least of the problems.
