So disappointed...need honest options. Please Read.

I have a best friend from 2nd grade and I have twin sisters. I asked all three to be my MOH because they are all very important to me and I could not choose. My best friend moved when we were in 11th grade but we have remained close and she hold all my trust. My sisters and I are 9 years apart. I helped take care of them and they call me their 2nd mother and couldnt make a choice as not to have them be my MOH.

I have 3 other BM's that are my closest friends and they are doing an amazing job of helping me out in anyway they can. I have to say that I am so lucky to have them as friends because they are going above and beyond the call of BM duty.

That being said I am so disappointed right now. My best friend lives in another state and I knew it would be hard for her to take charge but I knew my other 3 BMs would and I hoped she would stay in constant contact with them and help plan. WELL, she isnt. In fact I dont really talk to her (which isnt unusal but I thought she would talk to me more often due to me getting married). I also thought that since I have been engaged for about 2 years that she would be saving money for the wedding which she hasnt because she has mentioned to me on more than one occation that coming to NY for all the events is really expensive for her. Which I know it is! BUT I thought she would have planned better for it and saved ahead of time.

My sisters hold the biggest disappointment. They are both in school and working so I gave them small jobs to do and told them advance what they were so they could plan accordingly. They had 3 jobs.
1. Make my card box
2. Take care of the inviatations for my bridal shower
3. Plan a bach party for me a week before the wedding

Well nothing has been done. I just found out through my BMs that my sisters have not corresponded with them on a date for the BS. They had tried to make a date in Feb where my sisters said they would get back to them and they never did. I had to make a date for my BS.
Today I ask them to go buy invites for the shower and did they do it? NO! I will have to do that as well!
They havent even started on my card box!
When I tried to talk to them about it they were full of lame excuses and of course I blew up at them.

Im just so sad. I asked for my BS to be a surprise. Now it wont be. I just dont know what to do now.
If you have read this far...thank you. I appreciate you taking the time. Im lost and dont know what to do. I just feel like they dont care about my feelings at all.

Any thoughts on how I should handle this?

---

Posted by coldasice217

Well, this is tricky because it's your sisters. If they're that much younger than you, and also in school, it might be a maturity thing. When you say school, is it HS or college? If it is HS, I can kind of see how they wouldn't understand the ramifications of a wedding, but college maybe a little less acceptable. I have to ride my sister constantly too, and she's a college student. I think maybe it's just a matter of getting caught up in their own lives and not realizing how much time is flying by, and not that they don't care about you. Good luck with everything, and I hope you feel better!

---

Thanks Ali. They are in college. It is completly unacceptable. It just hurts a lot that they cant see how important this is to me.

I totally understand your disappointment.... and I get like that too and FH says to be CONSTANTLY that I expect too much from people. I am the type of person that if you ask me to do something I get on it right away....so when I ask people to do things- I expect the same in return....and it rarely happens lol

As for your best friend... I have a similar situation- sort of. One of my BM's is from upstate and she will not be coming to my BS, Bachelorette party, or rehearsal dinner. I was upset at first, but also understood that she lives far away and the drive alone would be too much. She is a sweetheart and I know that if she could afford it and lived closer, she would come. She is in contact with the rest of my BMs helping to plan my BS. Does she try to help out in little ways like that?

I know we all want to feel that our wedding is TOP priority- but not everyone is planning ahead for plane tickets and such. Please dont see that as me being nasty- but Im just trying to put it into perspective....

honestly, before planning the wedding that I am now... I didnt see weddings as a HUGE deal and stuff. When my sisters wedding rolled around- I found myself thinking- 'Omg why does she keep calling me 100 times a day' and 'She really needs to relax' because you dont understand what goes into a wedding. After going through what I've been through...NOW I understand all the hoopla. Now when other weddings roll around- its like I now know the importance and all that goes into a wedding and how 'the bride must be feeling.' Maybe your friend doesnt really know how important all of this is to you. Or maybe she really wants to be there and cant afford it. If she is your best friend, I doubt she is a person who is selfish.

Sorry for rambling on and on I just wanted you to hear the other side lol

---

Posted by WishfulRinne

Thank you so much. I know you are right. i do expect a lot out of people. I will get over it but the first shock of it sticks around.

---

Awwwww I totally hear ya b/c Im the same way


I just try not to let it hurt me so much when it happens anymore....

it's definitely hard to swallow sometimes. there are all sorts of ways to look at a situation like this. i learned the hard way that for as thoughtful or nice as i've been to others, you really don't always get it in return, for all kinds of reasons. it's hard when you expect a lot of yourself, and then expect the same from others...because you have a good shot of getting disappointed ...sorry to be such a bummer. with your BF, maybe it's really just that her priority isn't your wedding. i never truly understood other people's weddings, showers, B parties, etc... not nearly as much as i do now that i'm the one getting married. i don't mean to sound snotty, if anything i feel so lame thinking back to how i didn't care as much as i should have... i'm really just trying to say that it probably has something to do with that, and something to do with not managing $$ well, or not having enough $$ or not having enough to pay for her priorities and your wedding related things too. even still, it does hurt and it's hard to swallow. with your sisters, i do agree that maybe it's just a maturity thing. either way, no matter what, i'm sorry that you feel this way. this will pass and in my honest opinion... even though you don't get the be completely surprised by your shower... whatever you do, try really hard to enjoy every moment, because you will be so much more sad if you focus on the negative parts or bummers and miss out on the special little moments you can create in your life during your whole wedding planning and stuff. i hope things get better for you. it does help to vent. plenty of girls on here i'm sure can relate. i know i can. i send you

Honestly, your wedding is more important to you than it is to anyone else. Your Mother is second in line . . . meaning it is important to her. But as far as a priority on anyone's list, and this is not meant to sound bad . . . as I've been a bridesmaid many times, a sister of the groom, and now a bride-to-be -- it is not at the top of anyone's list but the bride's. That doesn't mean they don't care, or that they're not happy or excited . . . they just don't feel the pressure (nor should they) that a bride does. If they've been married, they know that it all comes off without as much drama as we think it does, and if they haven't been married, they don't understand how much drama is involved. The happy medium is impossible to achieve, in the bride-to-be's view. I'm there now, I understand.

Don't equate someone's lack of attention or financial support for a lack of enthusiasm. Some girls have no idea (haven't done it before) and some know more than we do (they HAVE done it before), but rest assured, they'll all make sure it comes together.

I had a near disaster of a shower on Sunday (restaurant thought it was a different day 40 mins. before it began) and my Mom and MOH, along with my BP and guests, made it perfect. Just relax and enjoy. I was amazed what happened when I let go and gave up control.

You already know how I feel and all I can give you is

I am of the mind these days if you want it done you have to do it yourself!!!! Just try to not let this ruin your planning and still have fun with everything.

Thanks so much ladies for all your thoughts. You are all correct. I have decided to let it go. I tried to makeup with my sisters but they are being really immature. I will just take care of everything and I am ok with it.
Thanks again!!

---

Posted by WishfulRinne

Thanks so much ladies for all your thoughts. You are all correct. I have decided to let it go. I tried to makeup with my sisters but they are being really immature. I will just take care of everything and I am ok with it.
Thanks again!!

---

If you want things done right- you should do it yourself hehehe Everything is going to be perfect

---

Posted by xosweetiexo

---

Posted by WishfulRinne

Thanks so much ladies for all your thoughts. You are all correct. I have decided to let it go. I tried to makeup with my sisters but they are being really immature. I will just take care of everything and I am ok with it.
Thanks again!!

---

If you want things done right- you should do it yourself hehehe Everything is going to be perfect

---

You said it!!