So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

EVERYTHING was perfect! My MOH did an amazing job with it!

BUT, of course......SOMETHING has to happen.....

So I am sitting at the table and I have a BM on each side of me. Well, I was talking to the BM to the left of me and the BM on the right of me was talking to another BM that was sitting across from her.

Anyways, so as I was talking, I overheard the on on the right of me. She actually had the nerve to say to the other BM, 'you know, when I got married, I let ALL of my girls where whatever shoes they wanted. AND I NEVER made them wear the same dress.........and why is she having two showers......sounds greedy to me'.......... I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD!!!!!! I was literally sitting RIGHT beside her!!!!! I'm having two showers becuase this past one was with my BM's and closest friends here in town, and the other one my FMIL is hosting in her home state........I don't think I'm being greedy. She WANTS to do this for my FH and I.

Just a brief history about the shoes. I told all my girls to pick whatever shoes they wanted to wear for the wedding. I didn't care as long as they were black. That's the only requirement I had. Well, for about a month after I sent that email out, they ALL kept sending me pictures of shoes and asking I they were OK and what not. I kept saying, yes......I don't care.......just make sure they are black. Well, that went on for a couple more weeks, SOOOOOOOO I just decided to pick a pair for them. I made sure they were super comfy, CHEAP (23.99) and something they can wear again. ALL of the girls loved the shoes........so I thought!

Well, that wasn't ALL that happened. I have booked a HUGE room for the day of. I will have the stylists there, the makeup artists there.....all that fun stuff so all the girls can get ready together so we can get some really cute photos........the girls have the option of getting their hair and makeup done. it's up to them if they want it........AND the quotes I received for the hair was $35.00 per person no matter what style they choose. Everyone was so excited about that.....getting ready together......eating, drinking.....all that fun stuff.......

Anyways, this same BM went to 5 of my BM's and asked them if they all wanted to meet in the morning to get thier hair done together at a salon that is across town (her salon)........knowing FULL WELL that I have already booked this room for all of us to get ready in. The other BM's told me this because they were disgusted! She told them that they would all be back in time for photos at 1pm.

I am not even mad anymore.......I am HURT. Hurt that she is trying to control our wedding day and going behind my back and bringing my girls into this too. AND, this all happened at my bridal shower............

My FH said that I should ask her to step down, but I do know that she is going through a soon to be seperation with her husband of 6 years........so I am hoping this is why she is being like this, but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it's not.......

Can anyone give me some advice on this situation? Should I just leave it alone and just ignore everything and talk to her after the wedding and let her know how hurt I am/was about it all and just be there for her right now?

Some people are so ridiculous. Im sorry that you have a BM like that. As for the 2 shower thing... Im doing the same thing because of out of towners, and I never once thought it was 'greedy'. What a dope she was for even saying that. The shoes, you did them a favor. Whats the bitching about?
I think that you should say something before it eats you up inside. Ask her what her problem is and approach it in a way where you say 'if you dont want to be in this...blah....I dont want to inconvience YOU...' Thats what I would do. HTH.

Wow I can't believe she said that! Especially while sitting right next to you. And that is pretty rude of her to try and plan it so the girls all get their hair done somewhere else when she already knew that you had a room arranged and wanted to get ready together.

I do hafta take her side witht he shoes though... only because first you told them they can all pick their own shoes, and then a few weeks later you tell them what shoes to wear?

But anyway... it probably is hard for her helping with your wedding while her marriage is falling apart. Hope things get better!

eww what a jealous *****!!

feel better though - im having my girls wear patent leather bright orange shoes!

so u just tell her it could be worse!

for starters, congrats on the shower!
i am so sorry you had to go through this! i think you should def. say something to that bm.
you anger is going to keep building!!

you should pull her aside and say ' you know i overheard what you said being that you were sitting RIGHT next to me and i think it was pretty shi**y of you to say that! and for the record, the reason i am having two showers is b/c .....etc

tell her off! you need to blow off steam. and on your wedding day, when you are taking group shots, keep her to the end so that you can crop her out in the event you no longer speak to one another...

i can be evil, i know! but bms can really ruin the joy out of wedding planning sometimes....

OMG what a brat! Some people just have no right opening up their mouth.

Well I'm glad your shower went well otherwise and look on the brightside.....

We have 2 more months!! WOOHOO!!

I would confront her. Plain and simple. You don't need this sh_t

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Posted by erdbeere

I do hafta take her side witht he shoes though... only because first you told them they can all pick their own shoes, and then a few weeks later you tell them what shoes to wear?

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Thank you for your advice and comments :) About the shoes, I was just getting fed up with them emailing me almost daily with shoe pictures.....so that's why I just ended up picking a pair. I sent an email out to all of them asking them all if that was OK and they all were fine with it........I really did wan them to pick their own shoes.....but it just seemed like it was a HUGE thing for them to do.......lol lol

I think you should talk to her. Don't get me wrong - her behavior is unnacceptable (probably jealousy) but if you don't know what to attribute the behavior to, you should ask her. She might be having some personal issues (again, not an excuse, but at least you would know) and then once you are informed, then make a deciscion about asking her to step down. You don't need that negative energy around you, and b/c she said it at the shower (which is SO grossly innappropriate) I'm thinking she might have wanted you to hear. You also have every right to make sure that the people standing next to you on your wedding day want to be there and are supportive.

Keep us posted. Hope it works out

ugh I'm sorry you're having BM drama...some people!!! I'm just here for support!

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Posted by billandme

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Posted by erdbeere

I do hafta take her side witht he shoes though... only because first you told them they can all pick their own shoes, and then a few weeks later you tell them what shoes to wear?

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Thank you for your advice and comments :) About the shoes, I was just getting fed up with them emailing me almost daily with shoe pictures.....so that's why I just ended up picking a pair. I sent an email out to all of them asking them all if that was OK and they all were fine with it........I really did wan them to pick their own shoes.....but it just seemed like it was a HUGE thing for them to do.......lol lol

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I totally understand why you did what you did with the shoes. As long as the girls were happy in the end with them, it's fine!

Now about that BM, maybe she shouldn't be in the BP anymore. If she really is going through such a tough time perhaps you could suggest she back out like a post above mentioned. When you talk to her make it seem as though you are putting the ball in her court. She's going through a lot with her separation and you don't want your wedding stirring up emotions for her. (Especially if she's going to take her feelings out on you!) She should be happy to be in your BP and she doesn't sound like she is, for whatever reason. If I were you I wouldn't want someone who is so obviously bitter/negative about being a BM in my BP.

I'm sorry this happened to you at your shower! She must have wanted you to hear what she was saying or she wouldn't have said it when you were RIGHT THERE! I think she meant to hurt you or 'hint' to you about her issues with your wedding.
About having two showers - You are totally not being greedy! It makes sense for you to have 2 showers with all the out of town guests!

PLUS you have been going through SO much with your wedding planning! You deserve 4 showers and a BM who is sympathetic, kind and understanding of the trouble you been having!!

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Posted by StarryEyedBride

I think you should talk to her. Don't get me wrong - her behavior is unnacceptable (probably jealousy) but if you don't know what to attribute the behavior to, you should ask her. She might be having some personal issues (again, not an excuse, but at least you would know) and then once you are informed, then make a deciscion about asking her to step down. You don't need that negative energy around you, and b/c she said it at the shower (which is SO grossly innappropriate) I'm thinking she might have wanted you to hear. You also have every right to make sure that the people standing next to you on your wedding day want to be there and are supportive.

Keep us posted. Hope it works out

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I agree completely. I know you'll make the best decision for you!

But congrats on your shower!!

OMG is she kidding? Shes lucky I wasnt there and heard her say that I woulda knocked her out!!!!
Im speechless right now......

My advice is to just forget about it.
You have too much other stuff to worry about.
Did you get a new photographer to replace the one that went out of business?
Did you replace your dress? (I remember you needed to get a new dress b/c your other dress was for a long torso), Did you find a new reception hall? (I remember you needed to do that, too)
You have too much other stuff to worry about!
If the girls want their hair elsewhere....let them!

On your wedding day, all eyes will be on YOU, not them. Its all about the bride and groom......
let them take care of themselves, you concentrate on yourself, and all the stuff you have to get done.
You have too much going on to worry about this other stuff.

Ask her to step down.

She broke not only major BM rules but friend rules as well. Adios - I say. You have been through ENOUGH! You don't need this kind of crap from someone you should be able to trust. AND I would be SURE to let her know EXACTLY how you feel. W T F?????

I don't care that HER life is whatever it is - her saying the things she was saying in front of you was totally inappropriate and then trying to rally your other girls for another hair day????? NO, I don't care what is going on that does not explain that kind of behavior. Maybe being biitchy, or complaining or being withdrawn I would understand, but this??? This is just rude and out of line and worthy of total dismissal.

But that's just my opinion!

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Posted by Future Mrs.

My advice is to just forget about it.
You have too much other stuff to worry about.
Did you get a new photographer to replace the one that went out of business?
Did you replace your dress? (I remember you needed to get a new dress b/c your other dress was for a long torso), Did you find a new reception hall? (I remember you needed to do that, too)
You have too much other stuff to worry about!
If the girls want their hair elsewhere....let them!

On your wedding day, all eyes will be on YOU, not them. Its all about the bride and groom......
let them take care of themselves, you concentrate on yourself, and all the stuff you have to get done.
You have too much going on to worry about this other stuff.

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I left a message with the photographer on his cell phone. My MOH found another number to reach him at. I did that last week, but he still hasn’t gotten back to me. I am giving him until tonight to call me back. I have looked into other companies too (thanks to the wonderful LI gals…..sending me links) So I’m crossing my fingers that it will all end up being OK…………

I actually JUST sold my Jim Hjelm dress. I am now on the search for a new one……. I’m hoping to go this weekend and purchase one. More than likely it will be an off the rack gown, but that doesn’t bother me at all. I do still have the davids bridal dress that I am keeping JUST in case I can't find one this weekend.

My reception hall is A-OK now! All of the contracts have been signed and we are on the go!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT, we are still taking the other company to court for screwing us around the way they did. We are going to file for them to cover the cost that was above what we were going to pay for in the beginning……..we’ll see how that goes.

Thank you for all of your great advice! It means a lot to me!!!!!

Wow, you are much more tolerant then me, because if I would have heard her comment about the shoes and being greedy at the shower I would have asked her to leave and told her she was out of the BP.

Reading more of your post, you said that she is seperating from her husband. Maybe she is a little resentful and jealous of your happiness. I am sorry she was so hurtful, but I feel the best thing to do at this point would be to have a sit down with her and tell her how her actions and comments have hurt you and maybe she can explain why she said what she did or why she felt that way.

I hope you can make the best decission possible!

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Posted by iamvocal72

Ask her to step down.

She broke not only major BM rules but friend rules as well. Adios - I say. You have been through ENOUGH! You don't need this kind of crap from someone you should be able to trust. AND I would be SURE to let her know EXACTLY how you feel. W T F?????

I don't care that HER life is whatever it is - her saying the things she was saying in front of you was totally inappropriate and then trying to rally your other girls for another hair day????? NO, I don't care what is going on that does not explain that kind of behavior. Maybe being biitchy, or complaining or being withdrawn I would understand, but this??? This is just rude and out of line and worthy of total dismissal.

But that's just my opinion!

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Thank you for your opinion.......I agree with you completely! Sometimes I just don't get people

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Posted by woobie113007

OMG is she kidding? Shes lucky I wasnt there and heard her say that I woulda knocked her out!!!!
Im speechless right now......

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I was thinking that as well! I can't believe she did that to you!