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So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

Original post by billandme

EVERYTHING was perfect! My MOH did an amazing job with it!

BUT, of course......SOMETHING has to happen.....

So I am sitting at the table and I have a BM on each side of me. Well, I was talking to the BM to the left of me and the BM on the right of me was talking to another BM that was sitting across from her.

Anyways, so as I was talking, I overheard the on on the right of me. She actually had the nerve to say to the other BM, 'you know, when I got married, I let ALL of my girls where whatever shoes they wanted. AND I NEVER made them wear the same dress.........and why is she having two showers......sounds greedy to me'.......... I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD!!!!!! I was literally sitting RIGHT beside her!!!!! I'm having two showers becuase this past one was with my BM's and closest friends here in town, and the other one my FMIL is hosting in her home state........I don't think I'm being greedy. She WANTS to do this for my FH and I.

Just a brief history about the shoes. I told all my girls to pick whatever shoes they wanted to wear for the wedding. I didn't care as long as they were black. That's the only requirement I had. Well, for about a month after I sent that email out, they ALL kept sending me pictures of shoes and asking I they were OK and what not. I kept saying, yes......I don't care.......just make sure they are black. Well, that went on for a couple more weeks, SOOOOOOOO I just decided to pick a pair for them. I made sure they were super comfy, CHEAP (23.99) and something they can wear again. ALL of the girls loved the shoes........so I thought!

Well, that wasn't ALL that happened. I have booked a HUGE room for the day of. I will have the stylists there, the makeup artists there.....all that fun stuff so all the girls can get ready together so we can get some really cute photos........the girls have the option of getting their hair and makeup done. it's up to them if they want it........AND the quotes I received for the hair was $35.00 per person no matter what style they choose. Everyone was so excited about that.....getting ready together......eating, drinking.....all that fun stuff.......

Anyways, this same BM went to 5 of my BM's and asked them if they all wanted to meet in the morning to get thier hair done together at a salon that is across town (her salon)........knowing FULL WELL that I have already booked this room for all of us to get ready in. The other BM's told me this because they were disgusted! She told them that they would all be back in time for photos at 1pm.

I am not even mad anymore.......I am HURT. Hurt that she is trying to control our wedding day and going behind my back and bringing my girls into this too. AND, this all happened at my bridal shower............

My FH said that I should ask her to step down, but I do know that she is going through a soon to be seperation with her husband of 6 years........so I am hoping this is why she is being like this, but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it's not.......

Can anyone give me some advice on this situation? Should I just leave it alone and just ignore everything and talk to her after the wedding and let her know how hurt I am/was about it all and just be there for her right now?
neener1211 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

this makes me so mad for you.....

i don't know what you should do, confronting her will just make things escalate, and letting it go will just let her feel good that she put you down...tough call. Sorry, I wish I knew her so I could help you out.
Snickers76 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

I think you should talk to her.

Ask her: 'Do you still want to be in my BP, because I overheard you complaining about it during my shower. If it is too much for you, I won't be upset if you back out.'

I'm the type of person who picks my battles very carefully and while I understand that it may be tempting to let it go b/c of the extra stress and proximity of the wedding, this is the type of situation that must be settled. I think that a BP should be supportive and helpful-not catty and hurtful to the bride on her shower day. If she is talking all of that smack right next to you during your shower, what might she do on your wedding day? Unacceptable.

IMO, it doesn't matter what is going on in her personal life. You have made being a part of your BP easy and fun and depite her personal woes, she should be there for you or drop out of the party.

I hope everything works out!
Marchbride07 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

I would approach her and ask her why she is saying all of these hurftul things....that even if she doesn't realize, they are hurtful and you are not trying to be controlling, just trying to make sure that things run smoothly on the day of your wedding! if she seems sincerely apologetic, then I would let it go...if she seems that she is making excuses for her actions, I would tell her to 'get to steppin!' You don't need that stress on your wedding day!

snydl40 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

In all honesty, I would ask her to remove herself from the wedding, and if she says no, then you do it. There is no reason for this BM to be making rude comments like this, jealousy runs deeply for some people.
domincan37 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

YOU DON'T NEED THIS AT THIS TIME
SHE'S JUST MAD BECAUSE HER MAN DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE, AND A TRUE FRIEND WOULD PUT THEIR PROBLEMS ASIDE WHEN IT CAME TO WEDDING THINGS



I SAY GIVE HER THE BOOT
PattyK Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

Congratulations on your shower. I hope that you were able to have a good time, despite your BM. I don't think that you are being greedy, I think that it is very sweet of your FMIL to want to give you & your FH a shower. For your sake I think that you should say something to her, you can't let her keep getting to you, because it will only end up making you sick. Hopefully she will listen to what you have to say and stop acting like a spoiled child. Keep us posted.

bettybcafe Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

OMG..what is wrong with that girl??? How close is she to you??? If I were you, I would let her step down...but thats JMO..I am sorry that you are going through this....
Jennifer907 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

Oh geez Kristy. I can't believe you're dealing with more drama. I would definitely take her aside and let her know you overheard everything she said. Sitting next to you, clearly she wanted you to hear it. Your other girls are so much more loyal and respectful of your wishes. I would ask her to step down and don't let it ruin your day!!

afrodyt2000 Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

I agree with everyone that says she should step down. Can you imagine how much drama she may cause at your wedding? I can't really deal with being around people that cause unnecessary stress. You don't deserve that.

Soon2bMrsI Posted:

Re: So I had my first bridal shower on Saturday.........(kind of long......sorry)

Posted by billandme

EVERYTHING was perfect! My MOH did an amazing job with it!

BUT, of course......SOMETHING has to happen.....

So I am sitting at the table and I have a BM on each side of me. Well, I was talking to the BM to the left of me and the BM on the right of me was talking to another BM that was sitting across from her.

Anyways, so as I was talking, I overheard the on on the right of me. She actually had the nerve to say to the other BM, 'you know, when I got married, I let ALL of my girls where whatever shoes they wanted. AND I NEVER made them wear the same dress.........and why is she having two showers......sounds greedy to me'.......... I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD!!!!!! I was literally sitting RIGHT beside her!!!!! I'm having two showers becuase this past one was with my BM's and closest friends here in town, and the other one my FMIL is hosting in her home state........I don't think I'm being greedy. She WANTS to do this for my FH and I.

Just a brief history about the shoes. I told all my girls to pick whatever shoes they wanted to wear for the wedding. I didn't care as long as they were black. That's the only requirement I had. Well, for about a month after I sent that email out, they ALL kept sending me pictures of shoes and asking I they were OK and what not. I kept saying, yes......I don't care.......just make sure they are black. Well, that went on for a couple more weeks, SOOOOOOOO I just decided to pick a pair for them. I made sure they were super comfy, CHEAP (23.99) and something they can wear again. ALL of the girls loved the shoes........so I thought!

Well, that wasn't ALL that happened. I have booked a HUGE room for the day of. I will have the stylists there, the makeup artists there.....all that fun stuff so all the girls can get ready together so we can get some really cute photos........the girls have the option of getting their hair and makeup done. it's up to them if they want it........AND the quotes I received for the hair was $35.00 per person no matter what style they choose. Everyone was so excited about that.....getting ready together......eating, drinking.....all that fun stuff.......

Anyways, this same BM went to 5 of my BM's and asked them if they all wanted to meet in the morning to get thier hair done together at a salon that is across town (her salon)........knowing FULL WELL that I have already booked this room for all of us to get ready in. The other BM's told me this because they were disgusted! She told them that they would all be back in time for photos at 1pm.

I am not even mad anymore.......I am HURT. Hurt that she is trying to control our wedding day and going behind my back and bringing my girls into this too. AND, this all happened at my bridal shower............

My FH said that I should ask her to step down, but I do know that she is going through a soon to be seperation with her husband of 6 years........so I am hoping this is why she is being like this, but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that it's not.......

Can anyone give me some advice on this situation? Should I just leave it alone and just ignore everything and talk to her after the wedding and let her know how hurt I am/was about it all and just be there for her right now?


I just went through something with my Ex MOH and Ex best friend of 16 yrs. You need to speak to her before the wedding. Maybe you should ask her to step down. It seems she's going to put everyone in a negative vibe for your day. It's hard but I knew it was right for me. Do you want to look back on your photo's a few yrs from now knowing she's in them and you may not even be friends with her anymore? Do what your heart tells you. Good luck,

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