So I have a problem

ok So here is the problem. I have a brother and fh has a brother as well...I am SUPER close to my brother and would actually like to walk down the aisle with him and my father...but my father doesnt want that. SOOOO fh picked his brother to be the best man which is fine...however I want my brother to be just as important. I told fh that I was going to make him my man of honor, and this way I would have a maid and a man of honor. Well fh said that that was ridiclous and didnt like that idea at all...He feels that this would take away from his brother being special. I really do want my brother to be a special part of the day... and if it was the other way around and we both had sisters, he would want his sister to be just as involved. What should I do to make my brother more involved??? Is anyone here having the same problem?

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

I dont reallly see the big problem with this...My brother is just as important...not for nothing but like I said if this was the other way around...and fh had a sister...he would want her to be involved. I was thinking about having him make a toast at the wedding, and dancing with him to a song...

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The reason it would be a problem is b/c most people are not willing to bend....'oh god a man as a man of honor...the horror' so they will be paying more attention to that fact more then anything else....and I hate to say it but its the truth. Im not saying that your brother is less important. just saying that b/c people are ignorant they will pay attention and probably talk about it.

I think it's a great idea to dance with him. That would definitely show that he is a special part of your day. My brother is also very important to me, so FH is having him in the wedding, and my bro is also writing a song for us and singing it at the wedding.

I think the dancing and toast idea is great!!

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

He already is a groomsman...I just think that he should have a bigger role in the wedding being that he is my only sibling and we are very close.

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Im sorry, Im sure you arent going to like this, but how much bigger a part of the wedding do you want him to be? If he is your man of honor he is part of the BP, if he is a GM he is part of the BP-no matter what you think he WILL take attention away from your FHs brother.

I think the idea of having him do a toast at your wedding is a nice idea and might not cause any issues with FH and his brother.

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

He already is a groomsman...I just think that he should have a bigger role in the wedding being that he is my only sibling and we are very close.

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Do you need a MOH then? I thought the point of a man or honor took the place of a MOH. If you already asked someone to be your MOH then have your brother give a toast at the reception.

ETS: I was a BM in my male cousin's wedding and we are close. I gave the toast at his wedding instead of his BM (not to mention his BM was a chicken lol) but I did it. It wasn't any problem for the bride.

sounds to me that having him as a groomsman is not enough. I have the same feelings toward my brother as you and he is going to be a groomsman..and I want to dance with him to 'I Turn To You' by Christina Aguilera..love the lyrics....

Or...maybe when you do your father/daughter dance...it can be a 'non daddy' song and half way through your brother can cut in or something..that would be nice....

my brother is 'man of honor' but we call him 'honor attendant' if he was your sister he would be maid of honor. if u did not already ask someone else to be your maid of honor then i;d say have him do it and hve only bridesmaids. then it will be your fh brother for him and your brother for you. the two most 'important' people in the bridal party and then the rest bridesmaids and groomsmen. i do not see how it will take away from your best man. also, u can have a dance for you and your brother in addition to the other traditional dances. if all else fails he must at the least be a groomsman.

If you're getting married in a church you can have your brother do a reading also and you can dedicate a song at the reception to him and have a brother/sister dance after the father/daughter dance?

IMO This would make him feel special

I think If you want to have your brother as 'maid of honor/male version you should, if thats what you want and thats what makes you happy, i dont think it will take away from your FH's best man, their purpose for being there will be well defined, they are both there for someone special to them, a sister and a brother.....its fair.... Who cares what people are gonna think.. If anything they'll be thinking how sweet it is and they will admire your relationship with your brother, obviously you 2 are very close and special to one another.. This is not uncommon either, its nothing out of this world..Im going through the same thing, I have my maid of honor whom Im thinking of replacing with my brother, and the last thing Im thinking about is what people are gonna think or what they'll be whispering when they see my brother there standing there next to me, its an honor for me to be able to have that.. im just worried about what she's going to say.. (shes really not honored to be a part of it ive realized)

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Posted by PegaLega

I can definitely see how your brother being your Man of Honor would take away from his brother, why not just have your brother be a part of the bridal party as a Groomsmen? He will still be an essential part of the day and still included. I cant really think of anything else that wouldnt take away from FHs BM...maybe also have him do a reading.

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i agree. i can understand what your FH is feeling. he obviously feels as though you having BOTH an MOH and a Man of Honor would negate his 1 best man. if you were to only have a man of honor and no MOH then i would say go for it... but you can't have it both ways in my opinion.

obviously you're close to your brother, so i think it's nice he's a groomsman. i don't think there's anything wrong with just having him as a groomsmen. certainly if you had more than 1 sister you'd have some be 'just' bridesmaids.

He can make a special toast to you both
You could dedicate a dance to him
He could do a reading during the ceremony
HTH

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b/c people are ignorant they will pay attention and probably talk about it.

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In the end I really dont care what people have to say about my choices for MY wedding. I told fh that we are the most important people on that day- but I think that it would be nice to have both of our brothers involved. If people are that close to me and love me then they will understand why I want my brother to be involved...because if it was the other way around, and fh had a sister then I would do the same thing for him.

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

He already is a groomsman...I just think that he should have a bigger role in the wedding being that he is my only sibling and we are very close.

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i understand this entirely..... I have two brothers that i'm very close with. That being said - there is a way to COMPROMISE..(what marraige is all about ). USUALLY(not in all cases) when it comes to the bridal party coming down the aisle, traditionally the best man stays at the end of the aisle with the groom & the maid of honor walks down my herself. I think u can definetly do a man of honor & have him walk down with ur maid of honor, and ur FH's best man can stay with him(as the tradition goes) at the end of the aisle. I danced with my brothers, and i've seen this done at a few weddings as well - i think it'll be very nice. Now as for speeches...maybe thats the part u can leave out OR just have him do one and not ur maid of honor??? I think having three speeches is for one, going to take a lot of time, but most importantly it's also (and like pegs said this is the for 'the ignorant people in the room') going to look like 'what is this about? does she want all the attention on her'?? and it KIND OF makes the best man's speech a little less special...honestly the best man used to be the ONLY one to make a speech up untill a few years ago when the maid of honor speeches started..because it's supposed to be special.. so maybe just the two guys can make speeches?? jmo! So - yes - i do think there's a way to include him...i've seen it done before...BUT u also dont want to outshine FH's BM right??? I know you want what you want, and FH wants what he wants , but both of u need to compromise on this...AND DON'T FIGHT ABOUT IT!! And i know in ur mind ur thinking ' but I dont GET what the big deal is?!' but regardless - it IS a big deal to him..regardless of what it seems to you. Ur brother is important to you, but his brother is important to him also. marraige is about compromise - and it majorly starts during wedding planning! Have a heart to heart TALK with ur FH - U can't both have ur way - so meet somewhere in the middle

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Posted by Mici n KC

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

He already is a groomsman...I just think that he should have a bigger role in the wedding being that he is my only sibling and we are very close.

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Do you need a MOH then? I thought the point of a man or honor took the place of a MOH. If you already asked someone to be your MOH then have your brother give a toast at the reception.

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Posted by FutureMrsLehmann

i can understand what your FH is feeling. he obviously feels as though you having BOTH an MOH and a Man of Honor would negate his 1 best man. if you were to only have a man of honor and no MOH then i would say go for it... but you can't have it both ways in my opinion.

obviously you're close to your brother, so i think it's nice he's a groomsman. i don't think there's anything wrong with just having him as a groomsmen. certainly if you had more than 1 sister you'd have some be 'just' bridesmaids.

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Posted by Christine N Ralph

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b/c people are ignorant they will pay attention and probably talk about it.

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In the end I really dont care what people have to say about my choices for MY wedding. I told fh that we are the most important people on that day- but I think that it would be nice to have both of our brothers involved. If people are that close to me and love me then they will understand why I want my brother to be involved...because if it was the other way around, and fh had a sister then I would do the same thing for him.

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agreed! i COMPLETELY understand the situation about ur brother - and i also agree with the poster that said 'if hes important to you & it's what makes you happy then go for it and who cares what other think'.. COMPLETELY agree...but i just think it needs to be in a way that's not going overboard... and while yes, it doesn't matter what OTHERS think(who cares!), it DOES matter if u're going to hurt FH...because this day is just as significant in his life as it is to urs! and just as HE has to understand YOU, YOU have to understand HIM ....also - u have two years! so much time still!