So I'll post some more of my personal bussiness......

Okay, so this afternoon I needed to get something out of the garage and i don't have a key, so I called FH to ask if he had a spare moment and could drop off key for me, he said okay. So ANYWAY about an hour later I'm cleaning the apt when I hear all this yelling outside of my window, I ignored it because I didn't want to get out of my cleaning streak. FH calls me on phone and says 'doors unlocked' so I ask don't u want to come in and say hi and he says he can't because 'he has a big day and he's mad at 'them'(his two co-workers). When he comes home I asked him what happened and he's all unclear (like usual) so it basically came down to his one friend said 'hey, I've never seen your apt can I go in' and fh said 'no, Eleanor's probably in her pj's and she'll be embarrassed if the house is a mess' then I guess the other friend said something and they started walking towards the house, fh yelled at them to stop and they started fighting. Then they went to work. This makes no sense, right? Well, what fh left out is his other friend said 'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway' OKAY, so I don't know how to feel about this, not that I think I'm great or anything, but that's really not nice, right? Well, this guy is a GM.... FH said he apologized, but he's still mad. I really didn't say anything to FH because... What can I say? I guess I'm just venting....

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Posted by BRIDEMICHELE

Totally unacceptable! Your FH was right to get mad and I think you have a right to be upset too. IMO, I think that the GM is just jelous!

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I agree 100%. The comment was inappropriate. Unfortunately FH has to work with this GM so it will have to blow over soon. Not to worry, you always have us when you want to vent.

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Posted by esb980

Okay, so this afternoon I needed to get something out of the garage and i don't have a key, so I called FH to ask if he had a spare moment and could drop off key for me, he said okay. So ANYWAY about an hour later I'm cleaning the apt when I hear all this yelling outside of my window, I ignored it because I didn't want to get out of my cleaning streak. FH calls me on phone and says 'doors unlocked' so I ask don't u want to come in and say hi and he says he can't because 'he has a big day and he's mad at 'them'(his two co-workers). When he comes home I asked him what happened and he's all unclear (like usual) so it basically came down to his one friend said 'hey, I've never seen your apt can I go in' and fh said 'no, Eleanor's probably in her pj's and she'll be embarrassed if the house is a mess' then I guess the other friend said something and they started walking towards the house, fh yelled at them to stop and they started fighting. Then they went to work. This makes no sense, right? Well, what fh left out is his other friend said 'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway' OKAY, so I don't know how to feel about this, not that I think I'm great or anything, but that's really not nice, right? Well, this guy is a GM.... FH said he apologized, but he's still mad. I really didn't say anything to FH because... What can I say? I guess I'm just venting....

'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway'

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JMHO:
Why do you allow people to speak to you this way? Your FI and his friends and your FI's family completely disregard your emotions and disrespect you.

It's obvious that you have some self-esteem and self-worth issues, and need some type of help.

There is plenty of free help available out there for you.

It's unfathomable that you can let people talk down to you this way. It's just not fair to you, I'm sorry. I cannot even imagine why your FI would not defend you when his friend says something like this.

I'm sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you, but I'm getting to the point now where I'm beginning to think that you ALLOW this to happen, most especially continue b/c you do not stand up.

You are a human being and do not need to be treated like this.

How can anyone love you without you loving yourself?

ETA: spelling

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by esb980

Okay, so this afternoon I needed to get something out of the garage and i don't have a key, so I called FH to ask if he had a spare moment and could drop off key for me, he said okay. So ANYWAY about an hour later I'm cleaning the apt when I hear all this yelling outside of my window, I ignored it because I didn't want to get out of my cleaning streak. FH calls me on phone and says 'doors unlocked' so I ask don't u want to come in and say hi and he says he can't because 'he has a big day and he's mad at 'them'(his two co-workers). When he comes home I asked him what happened and he's all unclear (like usual) so it basically came down to his one friend said 'hey, I've never seen your apt can I go in' and fh said 'no, Eleanor's probably in her pj's and she'll be embarrassed if the house is a mess' then I guess the other friend said something and they started walking towards the house, fh yelled at them to stop and they started fighting. Then they went to work. This makes no sense, right? Well, what fh left out is his other friend said 'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway' OKAY, so I don't know how to feel about this, not that I think I'm great or anything, but that's really not nice, right? Well, this guy is a GM.... FH said he apologized, but he's still mad. I really didn't say anything to FH because... What can I say? I guess I'm just venting....

'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway'

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JMHO:
Why do you allow people to speak to you this way? Your FI and his friends and your FI's family completely disregard your emotions and disrespect you.

It's obvious that you have some self-esteem and self-worth issues, and need some type of help.

There is plenty of free help available out there for you.

It's unfathomable that you can let people talk down to you this way. It's just not fair to you, I'm sorry. I cannot even imagine why your FI would not defend you when his friend says something like this.

I'm sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you, but I'm getting to the point now where I'm beginning to think that you ALLOW this to happen, most especially continue b/c you do not stand up.

You are a human being and do not need to be treated like this.

How can anyone love you without you loving yourself?

ETA: spelling

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What am I supposed to say? And FH did stannd up for me, I think. He really didn't want to tell me what happened.... I had to keep on saying 'it doesn't make sence that you were so mad about them just walking twoards the house' they he kinda mumbled what his friend said... so I didn't ask, because I really felt... embarrased? I don't know if thats the right word.... and YES I do allow people to treat me poorly, but I've just always been like that... does that make sence?

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Posted by esb980

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by esb980

Okay, so this afternoon I needed to get something out of the garage and i don't have a key, so I called FH to ask if he had a spare moment and could drop off key for me, he said okay. So ANYWAY about an hour later I'm cleaning the apt when I hear all this yelling outside of my window, I ignored it because I didn't want to get out of my cleaning streak. FH calls me on phone and says 'doors unlocked' so I ask don't u want to come in and say hi and he says he can't because 'he has a big day and he's mad at 'them'(his two co-workers). When he comes home I asked him what happened and he's all unclear (like usual) so it basically came down to his one friend said 'hey, I've never seen your apt can I go in' and fh said 'no, Eleanor's probably in her pj's and she'll be embarrassed if the house is a mess' then I guess the other friend said something and they started walking towards the house, fh yelled at them to stop and they started fighting. Then they went to work. This makes no sense, right? Well, what fh left out is his other friend said 'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway' OKAY, so I don't know how to feel about this, not that I think I'm great or anything, but that's really not nice, right? Well, this guy is a GM.... FH said he apologized, but he's still mad. I really didn't say anything to FH because... What can I say? I guess I'm just venting....

'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway'

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JMHO:
Why do you allow people to speak to you this way? Your FI and his friends and your FI's family completely disregard your emotions and disrespect you.

It's obvious that you have some self-esteem and self-worth issues, and need some type of help.

There is plenty of free help available out there for you.

It's unfathomable that you can let people talk down to you this way. It's just not fair to you, I'm sorry. I cannot even imagine why your FI would not defend you when his friend says something like this.

I'm sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you, but I'm getting to the point now where I'm beginning to think that you ALLOW this to happen, most especially continue b/c you do not stand up.

You are a human being and do not need to be treated like this.

How can anyone love you without you loving yourself?

ETA: spelling

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What am I supposed to say?

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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! You're a human being and deserve to be treated that way. You're a gorgeous, intelligent, strong WOMAN and you have to believe this for yourself.

Speak (not fight) with FI and ask why his friend would say something like that. Tell him that it hurts your feelings and that you feel very disrespected.

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by esb980

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by esb980

Okay, so this afternoon I needed to get something out of the garage and i don't have a key, so I called FH to ask if he had a spare moment and could drop off key for me, he said okay. So ANYWAY about an hour later I'm cleaning the apt when I hear all this yelling outside of my window, I ignored it because I didn't want to get out of my cleaning streak. FH calls me on phone and says 'doors unlocked' so I ask don't u want to come in and say hi and he says he can't because 'he has a big day and he's mad at 'them'(his two co-workers). When he comes home I asked him what happened and he's all unclear (like usual) so it basically came down to his one friend said 'hey, I've never seen your apt can I go in' and fh said 'no, Eleanor's probably in her pj's and she'll be embarrassed if the house is a mess' then I guess the other friend said something and they started walking towards the house, fh yelled at them to stop and they started fighting. Then they went to work. This makes no sense, right? Well, what fh left out is his other friend said 'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway' OKAY, so I don't know how to feel about this, not that I think I'm great or anything, but that's really not nice, right? Well, this guy is a GM.... FH said he apologized, but he's still mad. I really didn't say anything to FH because... What can I say? I guess I'm just venting....

'He just doesn't want anyone around Eleanor, I don't know why, she's nothing special anyway'

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JMHO:
Why do you allow people to speak to you this way? Your FI and his friends and your FI's family completely disregard your emotions and disrespect you.

It's obvious that you have some self-esteem and self-worth issues, and need some type of help.

There is plenty of free help available out there for you.

It's unfathomable that you can let people talk down to you this way. It's just not fair to you, I'm sorry. I cannot even imagine why your FI would not defend you when his friend says something like this.

I'm sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you, but I'm getting to the point now where I'm beginning to think that you ALLOW this to happen, most especially continue b/c you do not stand up.

You are a human being and do not need to be treated like this.

How can anyone love you without you loving yourself?

ETA: spelling

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What am I supposed to say?

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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! You're a human being and deserve to be treated that way. You're a gorgeous, intelligent, strong WOMAN and you have to believe this for yourself.

Speak (not fight) with FI and ask why his friend would say something like that. Tell him that it hurts your feelings and that you feel very disrespected.

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For some reason I feel really emmbarrased to talk about this w/ him.... I don't know why... (see the post I edited above) I feel like if I say anything then it's like I think I'm so great.... I can't explain this. I am very non-confrontational.

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Posted by esb980

For some reason I feel really emmbarrased to talk about this w/ him.... I don't know why... (see the post I edited above) I feel like if I say anything then it's like I think I'm so great.... I can't explain this. I am very non-confrontational.

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ELEANOR!!!! This is the person you are going to MARRY, take vows with and spend the REST of your LIFE with! You should 1000000 x's comfortable speaking with him and not embarassed. If there is one person in the world you should be yourself with, it should be the person you take the vow of marriage with. This is definitely something that you have to seek help (counseling) with. You should never ever feel 'afraid' of confrontation with someone that says they care about you, love you, and want to spend the rest of thier life wiht you.

You have to feel safe with your FI - emotionally and physically. There is no need to hide behind anything, most especially the way that you FEEL.

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Posted by esb980

For some reason, you are making me cry.... I guess I am having an emotional night. I know what his firned was talking about (my looks... I've only met the kid like twice and barley said 2 words to him) So what do I say? Why does your friend think I'm ugly? The truth is... I don't even think I could repeat this story out loud... I really don't know how to talk about it. I'll try on Sunday... I won't see FH tomorrow until late at night after I've had a few drinks w/ the girls and that not a good time... but I really feel weird about this...

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I apologize for 'making' you cry. I'm being honest with you, and trying to help you realize that you're worth more than you think you are.

Your posts are constantly negative in the treatment that you receive from various people. If it's not your FI, it's his mother, if it's not her, it's your FI's friends. There's no reason for any of these people to treat you like this, and you seriously have to see this and understand this.

And, in regards to not knowing how to 'say this outloud' - print this post out and read it outloud if you have to. Or, give it to your FI and have him read it.

These are your feelings and emotions, there's no reason to be afraid about expressing them.

And NO, you don't ask 'Why your friend thinks I'm ugly?' you should ASK why your FI did not DEFEND YOU.

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Posted by ChristineAE

And, in regards to not knowing how to 'say this outloud' - print this post out and read it outloud if you have to. Or, give it to your FI and have him read it.

These are your feelings and emotions, there's no reason to be afraid about expressing them.

And NO, you don't ask 'Why your friend thinks I'm ugly?' you should ASK why your FI did not DEFEND YOU.

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I think he did defend me... but to what extent, I don't know... because he was the yelling I heard outside, and he was still angry when he came home. The thruth is, when he told me what his gm said my heart dropped into my bbelly.... i just wasn't expecting that. I mean I know... I know that when we first started going out ALL his friend said he could do better and he would say 'you don't even know her' but really, I don't get it. I will talk to him and post an update on Monday... I still feel weird...

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Posted by esb980

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Posted by ChristineAE

And, in regards to not knowing how to 'say this outloud' - print this post out and read it outloud if you have to. Or, give it to your FI and have him read it.

These are your feelings and emotions, there's no reason to be afraid about expressing them.

And NO, you don't ask 'Why your friend thinks I'm ugly?' you should ASK why your FI did not DEFEND YOU.

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I think he did defend me... but to what extent, I don't know... because he was the yelling I heard outside, and he was still angry when he came home. The thruth is, when he told me what his gm said my heart dropped into my bbelly.... i just wasn't expecting that. I mean I know... I know that when we first started going out ALL his friend said he could do better and he would say 'you don't even know her' but really, I don't get it. I will talk to him and post an update on Monday... I still feel weird...

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Sleep on it and let it settle a little more. Gather up the strength to talk to your FI and work these things out. Again, no reason for you to be treated like this and have the worst feeling in the world - where your heart sinks intto your stomach.

Good Luck and Keep your Chin Up!

What is most important is that your FH stood up for you. People will always talk and put down other people. They will find something bad to say if they want to act like that and you would make yourself crazy if you paid attention to whatever it is about you that they want tp pick on. Your FH stood up for you and that matters more than this other guy's opinion.

But if you don't want that guy in the BP, say something. Otherwise you have to look at pictures of him for the rest of your life. And maybe you should tell him that you don't want to look at his ugly face.

WOW what a jerk. That guy has no respect for your fh as his friend or he would never say something like that about his future wife.

Who the Hell is this guy anyway???
Think about it this way - would you say that about your friends husband when he was in ear shot?


Im sorry to hear about this.

ELEANOR!!!! This is the person you are going to MARRY, take vows with and spend the REST of your LIFE with! You should 1000000 x's comfortable speaking with him and not embarassed. If there is one person in the world you should be yourself with, it should be the person you take the vow of marriage with. This is definitely something that you have to seek help (counseling) with. You should never ever feel 'afraid' of confrontation with someone that says they care about you, love you, and want to spend the rest of thier life wiht you.

You have to feel safe with your FI - emotionally and physically. There is no need to hide behind anything, most especially the way that you FEEL.

______________________________________

I agree 100% - you should be able to talk to him about anything. He is supposed to be your best friend as well as your lover....if you feel uncomfortable talking to him about stuff like this how will you communicate about the BIG issues.....money, kids, etc.

I'm so sorry It's horrible when people say things like that. But you need to be comfortable talking about every issue with your FH. I also think that the people in your BP should be people that love and respect the both of you. If you don't want this guy in your BP, I would let FH know.

I used to let my mom and other people treat me badly and then I got sick of it and started standing up for myself. It feels so much better to stand your ground, and then when people do say mean things, you'll be able to brush it off a lot easier. Really, you need to make sure that the people around you respect you and treat you well. You deserve it.

Honey,

First of all I just put up your picture and you are beautiful. So, put the idea of you being ugly right out of your mind. I believe that you FH did stick up for you, that is what the argument was all about. Let's admit it his friend is a total jerk. Alot of guys are just AH to begin with. What I would say to your FH is How much you love him for sticking up for you. Tell him how much his friend must have hurt him for saying what he said. How would you feel if someone said something to you about your FH. Invite some of his friend to your house so that they can meet you and see how beautiful you really are.