So there was another fight with FILs AGAIN...more hugs please!
i am reminded time and time again that FILs are paying for half the wedding. it's almost time for my final meeting, where we discuss the menu. we've already got two upgrades but FILs want more. They are trying to show off to people. Those are FH's words, not mine (though I believe it as well). So yesterday they email me, saying we should discuss the menu beforehand. I knew they were referring to the upgrades so I figured, rather than fight at Fox Hollow (my dad doesn't want any more upgrades), I should tell them ahead of time so they're not surprised. So I politely told them:
I thought we selected our menu last summer (ie- pan asian station in cocktail hour and all of the other choice that get made for the regular menu). My father doesn't want any more upgrades and neither do I. I also don't want to substitute menu items (FFIL wants to eliminate the bread basket at CH because it's 'cheap.' No offense ladies - his words, not mine.) I like the menu as is.
Well...that sparked a fight. FILs called FH to complain about it. FH called me to ask what all of this B.S was about so I told him that my father doesn't want to spend any more $$ and that if more upgrades are really important to his parents, they can pay for them on their own. FH freaked out because I was pulling in one direction and his parents in the other. I had my father call him.
My wonderful dad smoothed everything out to him and spilled his guts to FH about how he's been feeling the last 10 months about the fits FH's parents have been throwing. He wasn't mean about it, and FH actually agreed.
Then this morning I find out that FH thinks I'm not sending his parents RSVP updates everyday, even though I am, per his parents request. (That was part of last week's problem - they didn't like the way I was tracking RSVPs!) Apparently, FH has been fighting with his parents about that. They're telling him that I'm not sending the RSVPs daily to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What? I am!!!!! I am ready to scream!!!! I would so love to tell is a-hole parents off..... I wrote a long letter explaining how I feel and would love to send it. But I'm debating that one.
In the end - because they have physically made my father sick to his stomach - he's decided that if the upgrades are minor, he'll go along with it to save him from future heartache. But if they're talking another $5 or $10K, then he's not doing it and we're going to have a problem. So I then sent the following email to them:
Dear FILs:
My father doesn't want any more upgrades because he feels it's a waste for him to spend $$ on people he doesn't know and will never see again and similarly, for you to spend $$ on his guests that you will never see again. Besides, my father keeps telling me that this is about me & FH, not the guests. I don't care about upgrades either. FH could care less. But what upgrades do you want? Send me a list with the total cost and we'll go from there.
They've been fortunate enough to have me doing all the work. But this research I absolutely refuse to do. And given that, I think there's a chance that nothing will happen because it will take too much effort for them to calculate costs and what not.
Maybe I'm missing something but I thought this was MY wedding. They think its about them. And I know for a fact other people have told them it's NOT about them.![]()
If I don't send the entire email I wrote, do you think I should just say something like this, short and brief:
Dear FILS:
I'm very unhappy about the way things are going and hope that this will subside and everyone will enjoy themselves on August 6. But, if you do have any other problems you wish to voice, I am the best person to discuss ME with. It's not fair to FH to put him in the middle.
What do you think?
I thought we selected our menu last summer (ie- pan asian station in cocktail hour and all of the other choice that get made for the regular menu). My father doesn't want any more upgrades and neither do I. I also don't want to substitute menu items (FFIL wants to eliminate the bread basket at CH because it's 'cheap.' No offense ladies - his words, not mine.) I like the menu as is.
Well...that sparked a fight. FILs called FH to complain about it. FH called me to ask what all of this B.S was about so I told him that my father doesn't want to spend any more $$ and that if more upgrades are really important to his parents, they can pay for them on their own. FH freaked out because I was pulling in one direction and his parents in the other. I had my father call him.
My wonderful dad smoothed everything out to him and spilled his guts to FH about how he's been feeling the last 10 months about the fits FH's parents have been throwing. He wasn't mean about it, and FH actually agreed.
Then this morning I find out that FH thinks I'm not sending his parents RSVP updates everyday, even though I am, per his parents request. (That was part of last week's problem - they didn't like the way I was tracking RSVPs!) Apparently, FH has been fighting with his parents about that. They're telling him that I'm not sending the RSVPs daily to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What? I am!!!!! I am ready to scream!!!! I would so love to tell is a-hole parents off..... I wrote a long letter explaining how I feel and would love to send it. But I'm debating that one.
In the end - because they have physically made my father sick to his stomach - he's decided that if the upgrades are minor, he'll go along with it to save him from future heartache. But if they're talking another $5 or $10K, then he's not doing it and we're going to have a problem. So I then sent the following email to them:
Dear FILs:
My father doesn't want any more upgrades because he feels it's a waste for him to spend $$ on people he doesn't know and will never see again and similarly, for you to spend $$ on his guests that you will never see again. Besides, my father keeps telling me that this is about me & FH, not the guests. I don't care about upgrades either. FH could care less. But what upgrades do you want? Send me a list with the total cost and we'll go from there.
They've been fortunate enough to have me doing all the work. But this research I absolutely refuse to do. And given that, I think there's a chance that nothing will happen because it will take too much effort for them to calculate costs and what not.
Maybe I'm missing something but I thought this was MY wedding. They think its about them. And I know for a fact other people have told them it's NOT about them.
If I don't send the entire email I wrote, do you think I should just say something like this, short and brief:
Dear FILS:
I'm very unhappy about the way things are going and hope that this will subside and everyone will enjoy themselves on August 6. But, if you do have any other problems you wish to voice, I am the best person to discuss ME with. It's not fair to FH to put him in the middle.
What do you think?
