So upset...
* deleted post *
Member since
So upset...
Member since
Re: So upset...
I don't think you are being selfish...That would bother me too!
BUT i don't think i would be changing my wedding date either...
Sorry![]()
BUT i don't think i would be changing my wedding date either...
Sorry
Member since
Re: So upset...
Oh dont feel selfish, I am sure a lot of other brides would be extremely upset. Maybe you could talk to them and discuss the situation.
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Re: So upset...
This EXACT situation happened to me, except it was my sister. My wedding has been planned for July since January of 2003, and my sister got engaged a year after me and planned her weddnig for two months before mine. I was upset at first, but I can honestly say that I am SO happy now. I would not have wanted it any other way. We are planning together and dealing with our family together and it's been really fun. You have to understand that people do what's best for THEM, and sometimes it's not going to be what you want it to be. You will get over the initial shock of it. Think about what you did two months ago....it seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? That's how it will be when it comes to your wedding. People won't even be thinking about their wedding anymore come time for yours. I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset, but this is how it is and you have to make the best of it. Good luck and cheer up!
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Re: So upset...
I would be pretty upset about that too--a whole 'stealing our thunder' kind of thing. But, on the other hand, it's possible that they really wanted a summer/early fall wedding and didn't want to wait a year and a half to get married. Is this a definite thing? It's an awfully short amount of time to plan a wedding and, if it's in LI, I'm guessing that a lot of things are already booked up. Maybe this will all work itself out. Good luck!
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Re: So upset...
I don't know, I understand why you are upset, but on the other hand would you really expect another couple to wait an additional 6 months to get married out of respect for you? It's nice that you did that for someone else, but everyone always says do what is right for you and your FH...I feel like if the other bride-to-be was the one posting and she posted that she really couldn't wait to start her life with her FH and is it wrong to plan a relatively quick wedding and get married 3 months before you, everyone would be supportive of her and say you do what is right for you. We can only make decisions for ourselves, and try to come to terms with those that others make. Hope it all works out for you. ![]()
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Re: So upset...
I never thought this would upset me, but I just found out my future brother in law got his girlfriend pregnant and now they might end up getting married before us. It stinks :(
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Re: So upset...
I would definitely be upset...I am not sure how I would handle the situation. I feel like there is not much you can do...some people just suck and are completely inconsiderate. I have a FSIL who is a nightmare and I have almost reached the point where I can ignore her and just chalk it up to her being a rotten person.
So sorry you have some rude people in your life as well!![]()
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So sorry you have some rude people in your life as well!
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Re: So upset...
You are far from being selfish I think it's the other way around. I think that you should talk to your FMIL or have FH talk to her and maybe she can handle the situation with your FBIL since your not that close. I wouldn't change the date at all. You'll wind up regretting it and it will take away from your wonderful day! Hope it all works out.![]()
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Re: So upset...
I wouldn't be that upset. My brother got engaged a few months after me...so we had our eparties a few months apart and it was a lot of fun. He's getting married 2 months after me, FH's stepbrother is getting married 6 weeks after us, no big deal- lots of celebrations!
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Re: So upset...
First, I think thats very nice of you to have given the 6 months time frame after your cousin, thats a really nice sentiment. Second, I can understand why you're upset and it is a tricky one. When you said about the family traveling out three times, that really makes a lot of sense and maybe if your FH puts it out there that way, they may be concerned about that too. Did you send out save the dates?
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Re: So upset...
I think if it were 'anyone' then this would be different, but it's the SAME family!
FI's 2 brother's had their weddings last year, within a month and a half of each other. For people who had to go to both these weddings and a shower, etc, it was a financial hardship. And it's a lot to ask OOT people to come back again a month or two later.
Which is exactly WHY we waited until the following year (now only a few months away) to get married. We wanted it to be separate and I never wanted anyone to feel like we were 'stealing their thunder'.
So, I'd be upset if I were you and I'd personally inform my sibling of this. While, under normal circumstances they shouldn't have to wait or think of anyone else but themselves, in this case, it's the same family and the same people who will be asked to attend two weddings within months of each other. It doesn't sound like their thinking that far ahead.
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FI's 2 brother's had their weddings last year, within a month and a half of each other. For people who had to go to both these weddings and a shower, etc, it was a financial hardship. And it's a lot to ask OOT people to come back again a month or two later.
Which is exactly WHY we waited until the following year (now only a few months away) to get married. We wanted it to be separate and I never wanted anyone to feel like we were 'stealing their thunder'.
So, I'd be upset if I were you and I'd personally inform my sibling of this. While, under normal circumstances they shouldn't have to wait or think of anyone else but themselves, in this case, it's the same family and the same people who will be asked to attend two weddings within months of each other. It doesn't sound like their thinking that far ahead.
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Re: So upset...
See? You are just like me! I think of other people first. My sister has been planning my nephew's Bar Mitzvah for 2 years already. It is in November of this year. I told FH that i wanted to plan a wedding for at least 3 months AFTER this occasion so he could have as many out of town guests as possible. People simply cannot afford to travel across country to two events so close together.
This party is a big deal to my sister as he is her only child and this will be the only party she will make in the family. I couldn't ruin the occasion for her or for my nephew. He has prepared for his day for years already. To plan the two events so close together would be selfish on my part.
This party is a big deal to my sister as he is her only child and this will be the only party she will make in the family. I couldn't ruin the occasion for her or for my nephew. He has prepared for his day for years already. To plan the two events so close together would be selfish on my part.
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Re: So upset...
* deleted post *
Member since
Re: So upset...
Ohhh, you're definitely not being selfish. I would be upset too if I was in your position too. I think your FH's brother should have spoken to you both first. The good thing is that they haven't chosen a date yet. The both of you, maybe just your FH, should speak to them about the concerns you have indicated (sooner rather than later).
Good luck!
Good luck!
Member since
Re: So upset...
Posted by bridetobe1105
FH's brother just got engaged this weekend. FH and I have been engaged for over 1 year and set a date for November 2005. Now, FH's brother and his fiance announce that they want to get married this August or September - 2 months before us! FH's cousin is already getting married in June so we purposely picked November out of respect to them to have approximately 6 months between our weddings.
Now FH's brother says they want to get married this August or September. I am so upset because FH has a lot of out of town family and I am sure they won't travel for ALL 3 of our weddings and being that ours is the last...
I know we don't own the calendar, but I felt like we were so respectful of FH's cousin when making our choice, that I can't believe his brother and fiance would do this! We aren't close enough to them to be able to tell them we are 'upset' by their date, but I am honestly considering changing my date (and I already have my STD's, band, hall, church, photographer). Should I?
Am I selfish, or do I have a right to be upset with them?
* I am a regular poster on the boards but created this name in the event they search my posts...
not being selfish
just saving the BEST FOR LAST
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Re: So upset...
I'm FTRBRIDE's FSIL and when her brother and I got engaged we had thought we were going to get married in April of 06. But we soon realized that we had waited a long time to finally get together and didnt want to wait almost 2 years to get married (we got engaged in May of 04). So we moved up the date to November of 05. We did talk about it first and how she would feel, but as her post said, more celebrations! Plus, November was cheaper than April.
I honestly feel that it is being a little selfish by not being happy for your FH's brother. There is no rule out there that says you have to run everything past the people that got engaged first. Yes, it is definitely a considerate thing to do to ask the family members that are engaged first how they would feel. But in the end, its their decision to make. And like other posters say here, if people want to be at your wedding they will come no matter who gets married when. I'm not writing this in a nasty way at all, more in a matter of fact kind of way.
I honestly feel that it is being a little selfish by not being happy for your FH's brother. There is no rule out there that says you have to run everything past the people that got engaged first. Yes, it is definitely a considerate thing to do to ask the family members that are engaged first how they would feel. But in the end, its their decision to make. And like other posters say here, if people want to be at your wedding they will come no matter who gets married when. I'm not writing this in a nasty way at all, more in a matter of fact kind of way.
Member since
Re: So upset...
No you are not being selfish, but don't be foolish and change your date because of it!
Yes you have every right to be upset, but look at it as saving the best for last. I know it's corny, but that's the party everyone will remember. I wanted to be last, but ended up being first, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Yes you have every right to be upset, but look at it as saving the best for last. I know it's corny, but that's the party everyone will remember. I wanted to be last, but ended up being first, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
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Re: So upset...
Posted by s51178
I'm FTRBRIDE's FSIL and when her brother and I got engaged we had thought we were going to get married in April of 06. But we soon realized that we had waited a long time to finally get together and didnt want to wait almost 2 years to get married (we got engaged in May of 04). So we moved up the date to November of 05. We did talk about it first and how she would feel, but as her post said, more celebrations! Plus, November was cheaper than April.
I honestly feel that it is being a little selfish by not being happy for your FH's brother. There is no rule out there that says you have to run everything past the people that got engaged first. Yes, it is definitely a considerate thing to do to ask the family members that are engaged first how they would feel. But in the end, its their decision to make. And like other posters say here, if people want to be at your wedding they will come no matter who gets married when. I'm not writing this in a nasty way at all, more in a matter of fact kind of way.
Well said, and I think it's good that you gave the perspective as the person who got engaged 'second'. Good luck to you!
Member since
Re: So upset...
Don't be upset, it's NOT worth the energy. Do NOT change your date either! Screw everyone! Let them do theirs first. Learn from their mistakes. Yours can ONLY be better!
Good luck and cheer up!
Good luck and cheer up!
