We are having a less formal wedding. My girls are wearing LBD's and the moms are wearing dresses that are dressy but not formal (does that make sense?). My mom purchased her dress in August and I showed my MIL2B and SIL2B the dress so my MIL could get an idea of what kind of dress to get. All the other girls have gotten their LBD, they are all unique and look great, totally the look I was going for. Today, my SIL buys a formal dress and has my MIL buy a formal mother of the groom dress in lavendar, my Mom's dress is purple.I am freaking out! I feel my mother is going to be crushed by this, and FH and I spoke with SIL and MIL and they were totally not helpful. Begrudgingly taking the dresses back. I was very clear with what I wanted.. am I overacting by being upset? Now its a huge issue and they are really mad at us..HELP!!!
linda_art
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Re: So Upset!!
Ppl are selfish and will just have to get over themselves. Its one day for crying out loud, you'll never tell them what they can wear again. Respect your decisions and then there wouldnt have to be uncomfortableness. Dont feed into the drama, and you are not wrong. It'll work out.
PSP
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Re: So Upset!!
I'm confused. Did you want your FMIL and FSIL to get dresses the same color as your mom or the bridal party? Is your mom's dress not formal and you didn't want FMIL to get a more formal dress?
Maybe they thought the lavendar was similar to the purple and not overpowering?
Maybe you have to go shopping with them if you have a particular dress vision in mind for them as it's sometimes hard to determine someone else's vision.
Good luck! I'm sure everything will work out and no bad feelings will come about. Maybe go shopping with them and take them out to a late lunch afterwards.
LIbridey88
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Re: So Upset!!
sorry for the confusion, I was furiously typing! the girls are wearing little black dresses, not formal dresses. My mom is wearing purple and not formal. FMIL can wear any other color in the world except for purple and wear a dress that is not formal. I offered to go shopping with them numerous times. Pretty sure they just hate me and thats why they dont want me to go!
PSP
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Re: So Upset!!
Oh gosh. sorry it's been so stressful for you!
I really hope that's not true, that they don't like you.
I think in most cases, the mom just wants to look really really great for her son's wedding, sister too and just think about their style and what they think will look great on them.
About them not wanting to go shopping with you, that's just rude!
What can you do though, but just kill them with kindness?
Then they might feel like crap for treating you so badly!
Karrie D
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Re: So Upset!!
It's your day and everyone needs to be respectful of what you want. I told both my mom and mil what color dress they can get and they were both totally fine with it. Sorry you have to deal with this added and totally unnecessary stress!!
chrissie0121
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by LIbridey88
sorry for the confusion, I was furiously typing! the girls are wearing little black dresses, not formal dresses. My mom is wearing purple and not formal. FMIL can wear any other color in the world except for purple and wear a dress that is not formal. I offered to go shopping with them numerous times. Pretty sure they just hate me and thats why they dont want me to go!
Well is the FMIL and FSIL don't want to listen, then what I would do it have mom return her dress and find a more formal dress in maybe a different color. Out do them, not to sound like a b*tch. But thats not fair that they are doing this to you. I really hope thats not the case, that they don't like you! I would feel the same way as you do right now. you asked for something simple and for YOUR wedding and they go over you and get what they wanted. Def not OK!!
Good luck! I am sure everything will work itself out!
Skinewyork
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Re: So Upset!!
It sounds to me that they have just disregarded your wishes, but all may not be lost. I would approach them from the viewpoint that they just didn't understand what you meant by 'not formal' (true or not). With an apology, take it completely on yourself (kind of like fishing for compliments) and your lack of effective communication (which we all know is not at all to blame here). Tell them that you are sooo sorry that you were unclear and have caused them all this trouble, and that you wished you had a more flexible schedule so you could have gone with them shopping to prevent this misunderstanding (which, again, not at all the case). Then REexplain what you were asking them to wear, emphasizing over and over again how awful you feel about not being clear in your communication the first time, and asking them, insecurely, if you are being clear this time. I find that this usually results in them comforting you and trying to ease your guilt by any means possible (including downplaying the hassle of returning the dresses they bought and finding new ones). It's sneaky, but it could get you what you want without destroying any relationships.
Ker1398
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Re: So Upset!!
I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's your wedding and no one is going to remember what they wore. I'm sure they just want to look great for their son/brother's wedding. i doubt it was meant to be spiteful. just try to remember what the wedding is all about and not worry too much about the little things! when you look back at your wedding after its all over, its not going to matter to you what they wore. but i think it is something they would remember and i just dont think its worth the conflict. IMO.
pjt212301
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by Ker1398
I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's your wedding and no one is going to remember what they wore. I'm sure they just want to look great for their son/brother's wedding. i doubt it was meant to be spiteful. just try to remember what the wedding is all about and not worry too much about the little things! when you look back at your wedding after its all over, its not going to matter to you what they wore. but i think it is something they would remember and i just dont think its worth the conflict. IMO.
I could not have said it better myself!!!!
LIbridey88
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Re: So Upset!!
So my FSIL has contacted the bridal party and told them she is not helping or attending the shower, rsvpd no to the evite for the bachlorette party and defriened me on fb! Talk about immature! Over something so simple. Now I really dont know what to do !
chrissie0121
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by LIbridey88
So my FSIL has contacted the bridal party and told them she is not helping or attending the shower, rsvpd no to the evite for the bachlorette party and defriened me on fb! Talk about immature! Over something so simple. Now I really dont know what to do !
Wow are you kidding me!! That is very immature!! I am really sorry you are going through this!
cdh2672
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by chrissie0121
Posted by LIbridey88
So my FSIL has contacted the bridal party and told them she is not helping or attending the shower, rsvpd no to the evite for the bachlorette party and defriened me on fb! Talk about immature! Over something so simple. Now I really dont know what to do !
Wow are you kidding me!! That is very immature!! I am really sorry you are going through this!
I agree, that's a bit much on her part! Ugh...TRY not to worry..I'm sure it will all work out!
linda_art
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by LIbridey88
So my FSIL has contacted the bridal party and told them she is not helping or attending the shower, rsvpd no to the evite for the bachlorette party and defriened me on fb! Talk about immature! Over something so simple. Now I really dont know what to do !
hahahahahaha, i have a 20 yr old second cousin who did something similar bc she wasnt invited with a date....
If you dont start laughing these things off you are gonna drive yourself nuts!
stormstryker
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Re: So Upset!!
I hate to see how immature and disrespectful people can be. SPECIALLY when you will soon be their family (not that you shouldn't already be considered such). In this regard, I am very lucky. FH's brothers are all in the party, and his sisters know what my girls are wearing and i sincerely doubt they would do the same. FMIL is friends with my mom and they talk, so thats also good. So sorry you have to deal w/this!
LIbridey88
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Re: So Upset!!
Thanks for the support girls! I am going to try to just laugh this off as something so ridiculous otherwise i will make myself nuts! I so frustrating dealing with selfish people
Skinewyork
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Re: So Upset!!
Posted by LIbridey88
So my FSIL has contacted the bridal party and told them she is not helping or attending the shower, rsvpd no to the evite for the bachlorette party and defriened me on fb! Talk about immature! Over something so simple. Now I really dont know what to do !
Wow. She is working very hard to make you completely write her off and forget about her, so I say do it. And yes, try to laugh about it! No one will notice what they are or are not wearing, and she shouldn't have the power to ruin your day!!
