so WWYD if you found out that one of your (local) BMs wasn't coming to your shower... (UPDATED)

Not only that, she didn't have the decency to tell you herself and she has no real excuse why she isn't coming.

(Warning - just need to vent here... I understand the world does not revolve around me...)

She knows my shower is not a surprise and told me several weeks ago how 'It's a good thing we changed the date of our cruise - otherwise I wouldn't be able to go to your shower.'

My MOH called yesterday and told me this BM isn't coming to my shower. Despite my MOH telling her several times for over a week to call me and tell me herself, the BM hasn't told me. I've talked to her several times since then, too.

She had over a month to switch days at work and just didn't. She was too lazy - She's switched days and shifts many times in the past - I'm hurt that she didn't think attending a very close friend's shower was important enough.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I've never skipped a shower for someone I was close to, certainly not when I lived locally and was in the BP! (It's bad enough that FSILs probably won't come in from OOT to come but I can't even get my local friends to come!)

I think I'm so upset b/c this is the last straw for me in a series of wedding-related problems and stresses. My father is having surgery and his arm will be immobilized until just a week before our wedding. I'm worried about him. My church keeps screwing up (and being RUDE about it, I might add) and long story short, we right now don't have a priest to marry us!

I think I'm just at the end of my stress rope!

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UPDATE: Apparently one of my other BMs (also a good friend of the one who said she wasn't coming) found out. She called the BM who wasn't coming to ask if she wanted to carpool and got 'Oh, I'm not going' as a response. When she didn't like the excuse, she apparently read this BM the riot act.

BM who wasn't coming never called me or anything, but I did get an email from her today with the subject 'Bridal Shower.' It said 'Hi Kara, I will be coming to your bridal shower, but I'm going to be late. I'm leaving work at 12, so I hope to be there by 1.' (It starts at 12) Well, I don't see how she can't spare one more hour, but better late than never, I suppose. At least she's coming.

I would feel the same way - It is her lost that she is going to miss a great time - There must be something in the air when it come to BM's - Try not to worry and enjoy your shower with the ones you love

Hang in there!!! It will all work out!
I would probably call the BM and call her out on not coming to the shower. But then again its just more drama you dont need.

I don't want to call her and come off like a self-centered biotch.

I just wish she had the courtesy to tell me herself.

I completely understand I had a falling out with one of my bridesmaids who happens to be friend with my FH and she called and apologized to him and told him she still wants to be a part of the BP.....I have yet to get my apology. Her nastiness was directed towards me. So RUDE!!!!! The funny thing is she started acting like this since my mom and sister were plannning the bachelorette party and shower and they asked her for money.....what a surprise!!!

i'd also be upset. maybe u should talk to her about now. i would call her out on it. i'm sorry ur going through this.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I don't want to call her and come off like a self-centered biotch.

I just wish she had the courtesy to tell me herself.

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have you thought about asking her? maybe she doesn't realize how important it is to you that she is there at your shower.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I don't want to call her and come off like a self-centered biotch.

I just wish she had the courtesy to tell me herself.

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I don't think that by speaking to her you would seem self centered at all. Attending the shower and the wedding are the two biggest roles a BM has. I would speak to her and tell her that you're hurt without being rude or nasty. Maybe she can still change her shift to be there.

I would call her and mention how excited you are about the upcoming shower and how you don't want to miss an opportunity to get the BP shot, ask her what she is wearing bacause you don't know yet....stuff like that. And if she comes out and says she's not coming, tell her 'You have to! It won't be the same w/o you!' If she doesn't say anything mention how you are so glad her and your friends will be there since your FSIL won't make it. Make her tell you or guilt her into it. She should be there! Ask her why she would change the date of her cruise but then still not come to the shower?!?!!? I hope she makes it!

When I read the title of this post my immediate answer was 'kill her' I think what has helped me in the past, or what I would do is...ask her yourself. Tell her MOH told you she wasn't coming. Call her out. She's obviously avoiding you & the situation. Call her out

I would be very upset also. And I think more upset because she hasn't mentioned that she won't be able to attend. I know for me, being in a bridal party, I would make every effort to be there. Is there any chance she could get a last minute replacement at work?

Kara, so sorry you're going through this. I am always amazed at how our closest friends can GREATLY disappoint us - you are not alone!!!!

I can only offer many ... hopefully she WILL call you. If she doesn't, next time you see her casually mention that you heard she wasn't going to your shower even though she had told you that she was going a few weeks ago and see what she says.

That is really disappointing. I know EXACTLY how you feel because one of my local BMs who is also my cousin did not come to my shower and did not tell me, she told our grandma. And she didn't even have an excuse she simply said 'it starts too early' (it started at 2pm!). She still hasn't even apolgized or mentioned it to me at all. But some people are just immature and don't really know common courtesy.

since your shower is not a surprise, if I were you I'd have a hard time containing myself and not point blank saying something directly to her about it. I know what you mean that you don't want to act like her world should revolve around you.....but the fact of the matter is, she's not just a guest, she's in the bridal party. I would probably just call her and say 'so I heard from MOH that you can't make it to the shower, that really stinks' and see what she comes back with. I'm sorry you're going through this, and this definitely is just putting you over the top with the stress level considering what you are going through with the church!!

Thanks everyone.

I'm just going to sit on it for another day b/c I'm sort of in shock. I'm so upset I don't even want to talk to this BM if she does call me.

I just happened to be talking to another BM of mine (and a very good friend of the BM who isn't coming). Even she did not know this BM wasn't coming -- and she was really upset about it.

I do understand that the world doesn't revolve around me -- but I guess sometimes I just wish certain people could, just this once when I'm getting married, consider giving a crap.

Luckily, I know my mom, MOH, and two other BMs understand and want to make this speical. All she had to do was show up. (My mother is paying for the entire shower)

UPDATE: Apparently one of my other BMs (also a good friend of the one who said she wasn't coming) found out. She called the BM who wasn't coming to ask if she wanted to carpool and got 'Oh, I'm not going' as a response. When she didn't like the excuse, she apparently read this BM the riot act.

BM who wasn't coming never called me or anything, but I did get an email from her today with the subject 'Bridal Shower.' It said 'Hi Kara, I will be coming to your bridal shower, but I'm going to be late. I'm leaving work at 12, so I hope to be there by 1.' (It starts at 12) Well, I don't see how she can't spare one more hour, but better late than never, I suppose. At least she's coming.