Someone please tell me if this is normal...

:::Warning: ramble/rant up ahead::::

Please be honest ladies... I'm a very happily engaged girl, I love my FH and I think he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is TOO good to me and I don't deserve him, I really don't. I thought I was going to end up with the guy I dated before FH. We had a GREAT relationship when it was just the two of us- and the depth of it, how we could talk for hours and how he could make me laugh like no one else is what I think makes me still get annoyed when I think about the fact that it ended. It ended because I could not deal with his friends (they are in their mid 20's and still act like they are in HS, they still have the same waiter jobs they had in HS, no goals, no nothing, still hanging out in the same backyard as they did in 11th grade, etc). Now my ex is better than this but he doesn't really have a family life so he always clung to them b/c he had 'no one else'. He does not have the b@lls to stand up for anything and that is what I love about FH- he is strong and always does what is right. It just ANNOYS me that my ex and I ended the way we did, that I let him get the best of me and everything else.

So of course, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this: when FH and I got engaged I was SO happy b/c not only was I happy with him but I was happy b/c I felt like I had finally gotten what I deserve- the last laugh, living well is the best revenge, etc. B/c I worked so hard at my relationship with the ex and I did SO much for him (b/c he had no family life) that I felt SO betrayed when we broke up... Like I deserved to have the whole thing work out b/c of how much I put into it. So, I paraded my newly happy and better life all over the place- and I'm genuinely happy but I wanted the ex and all his dumb friends to know it of course... But now, the ex is dating someone (apparently) and we still talk every once in a while so I know that he is with someone new... and it bothers me. Is this normal? I mean, I think it bothers me b/c I don't want him to think anyone is better than me lol I'm so crazy but b/c I did so much for him I want him to always be like 'oh the one that got away' when he thinks about me-- and he is just dating her b/c I left his azz... right?? I'm crazy aren't I?!

This is so long, I'm so sorry!! But I just checked his away message and it's something all mushy about this random girl! I'm angry now- I know, I need to get over it It's not him- it's the situation! How do I give up this competition?!

Please help! Can anyone relate??

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Posted by MnM52607

I see where you are coming from. I had the biggest crush on my neighbor. I thought I was in love with him. Things never worked out for us. And I wanted to parade my good life in front of him all the time. But what made me get over it, is not speaking to him anymore. That is how I gave up this little competition I had going on in my head.

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I know, deep down, that this is what I have to do but I really wanted to be the 'better one' who could do the right thing and still be friendly with him-- and not let it affect me. And I was doing fine until he started dating this troll (lol, sorry-bitter here). The other problem: his brother is my BEST friend and in my wedding party So it's like when I see his brother- I see my ex, they live together! It's SO frustrating.

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by MnM52607

I see where you are coming from. I had the biggest crush on my neighbor. I thought I was in love with him. Things never worked out for us. And I wanted to parade my good life in front of him all the time. But what made me get over it, is not speaking to him anymore. That is how I gave up this little competition I had going on in my head.

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I know, deep down, that this is what I have to do but I really wanted to be the 'better one' who could do the right thing and still be friendly with him-- and not let it affect me. And I was doing fine until he started dating this troll (lol, sorry-bitter here). The other problem: his brother is my BEST friend and in my wedding party So it's like when I see his brother- I see my ex, they live together! It's SO frustrating.

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That makes thing a little more difficult. But I think you should try and let go of these angry feelings you have. It will be good for your own piece of mind and your relationship.

I know that you know, in your heart, that FH is the best man for you. He is the one that is going to be there for you and put you first in his life. Everything happens for a reason. And in the end, it will all work out.

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Posted by MnM52607

That makes thing a little more difficult. But I think you should try and let go of these angry feelings you have. It will be good for your own piece of mind and your relationship.

I know that you know, in your heart, that FH is the best man for you. He is the one that is going to be there for you and put you first in his life. Everything happens for a reason. And in the end, it will all work out.

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i completly agree with what MnM52607 is saying..

internally you broke it off with your EX for a reason and i dont think you would be as happy as your are now with your FH if things werent right!!!

you have fm

I think its just normal for a GIRL to feel this way- I know it really SHOULDNT be normal, but I think most girls are this way... Jealousy can get the best of ALL of us.. Its terrible. But it happens [take it from someone who is INSANLY jealous and has the MOST HONEST FH everrrr] Its part of being a crazy female!

You definatly SHOULD NOT give a flying fck who your X is with.. actually- you shouldnt even maintain a relationship with him if you DO see yourself becoming jealous. Its not fair to your FH... BUT again, we are women, we will always we bitter and jealous

I recently found out my x got married to a girl he met 3 times! I wasnt jealous at all, Im happy for him- shes a GORGEOUS girl, and I thought he would NEVER settle down, and thats all he ever wanted in life. So I actually am happy for him, but honestly couldnt care if I never heard from him again... Im happy with MY own life, as you are, and that's the main concern... My family, friends, and next year- my new life!!!

Thanks so much ladies...

for posting and for the FM's.

I don't feel so crazy anymore.

I have to say- I have the BEST FH. He is so understanding... he's like, it's normal to feel jealous (I did not tell him what I told you guys) but someone mentioned my ex's new GF and I of course lol so later Vinny was like: it's totally normal to feel that way. So that was nice- he did not have to be like that. He is very real and can put himself in my shoes a lot so I love that about him. I TRY very hard to keep it real and think about my ex in the REALITY frame of mind- not 'through rose colored glasses' b/c when we look back, we tend to only think about the good... So I've been working on that-- on remembering the things that made me MISERABLE with him.

It's just hard ya know? When you wish you could delete things from the past... Just press backspace on life sometimes and do things different! I wish!

Vinny and his brother (my friend) are so funny- they go, why don't we go over when she is there so you can show off how much better looking you are? LOL they just put wood on the fire! But I know what I have to do-- and that is distance myself from the ex as much as possible-- AND take him off my buddy list

thanks again-- i love this site!

I totally understand. My ex just got married and it is hard for me to accept...even though I will be happily married myself in a few months.
After having been in a long serious relationship with someone, I don't know that you could ever not be jealous. I think not talking to him anymore would help, but I know that is hard.
I still talk to my ex now and then. But, it is easier when we don't speak much.