Soo...is it ever OK to NOT...

Give GM gifts?

This is pretty much a rhetorical question, because the way things are going right now, I don't think we are going to give the GM gifts.

As far as I'm concerned, and FH too for that matter, his sorry excuse for GM haven't done anything for him in this process. His brother, the BM, is the exception, and is the only one I think who should be given a gift.

His one friend is OOT, so we're not faulting him for not being able to come to the bach party, but he is also not able to come for the rehearsal, which is a little more of a big deal. But we understand he's OOT so that would be an issue. So he hasn't been involved in anything really, besides making me feel like shiz about FH not knowing his real name and giving me the wrong one to print in the programs.

His other GM is just an azzhole, and has caused nothing but issues. He's the one that ENCOURAGED FH to give me the wrong name for the other one, and got elective plastic surgery that requires his jaw to be wired shut done 3 weeks before the wedding. If that wasn't bad enough, he apparently went all psycho creepy serial killer at the bach party, because he has no social skills and is effed in the head, as evidenced by his plastic surgery obsession, and he didn't say a single word to anyone the whole night and just sat and stared at the wall. Oh, no, that's incorrect. He piped up only to request that he be paired down the aisle with the ugliest BM there is so that he wouldn't get nervous. EFF YOU BUDDY.

So FH is really considering to tell him he needs to step down. He's not physically going to be in the position to be in the wedding party, and psychologically he isn't stable enough to be holding such a role. However, if he doesn't throw him out, I am considering telling FH to tell him that he should just go home after the church rehearsal...there's no point in him coming to the restaurant to NOT eat and just make everyone uncomfortable by sitting there staring at the wall.

He hasn't been in a wedding or anything before, and I'm sure doesn't know from his behind that GM get gifts usually. The other GM won't even be there. And I don't think they deserve it because they've caused nothing but stress for FH, who is definitely taking it out on me.

I really just think we should get a really nice gift for FBIL and call it a day. This whole process has been so hurtful to us.

you already know the answer.... so i dont need to say it.

on that note, get them something small. a $25 gift card to 7-11. literally, just something to acknowledge the fact they spent a lot of money on a RENTAL tux...

I think it would be extremely rude and disrespectful to them if you didnt get anything

umm... my gm's didnt even know that they were 'suppossed' to get gifts... DH decided (stupidly might i add) to buy them all their suit rentals... there were 6 of them... you do the math... apparently we were made of $$$$ at that point half of them didnt even deserve it

anyhoo... get them something small... like danielle said.. $25 gc is enough... even a freakin flask would do the trick...

If you already know you're not giving the gifts why even bother asking?

Anyway, I think it's super rude not to give GM gifts. Even a small token, but SOMETHING! I mean come on! I don't think a couple of crappy groomsmen is a valid reason not to give the groomsmen gifts. I think you're reaching for reasons to justify not giving GM gifts. The RD isn't the only time people give gifts. A lot of people have OOT bridal parties that aren't able to make the RD, so a lot of people give the gifts on the wedding day. Some people even mail out the gifts ahead of time so they have them (that's what I did). You've obviously already decided just to give the two gifts you mentioned, so I don't know you even bother posting this. Like I said, it really seems like you just want to justify not giving the gifts.

I'm so sorry you are going through this ali!!! I would just get them some small token as a thank you just to avoid any more drama and just call it a day. Good Luck ali!

I think it would be rude not to give them a gift and even worse if you gave some but not to all. I dont think having surgery 3 weeks before your wedding is a good excuse not to give a gift or that an OOT GM cant make the rehearsal.

IMO all they need to do is show up for the wedding. I never expected a single thing from my BP and because of that they never let me down and went out of their way for me.

Ask for less and you end up getting more.

I would still give something.

Exclusively Weddings has gifts for under 30 bucks if you are looking for something small. It's just tasteful to give a small token of thanks to members of your bridal party.

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Posted by allegracristina

If you already know you're not giving the gifts why even bother asking?

Anyway, I think it's super rude not to give GM gifts. Even a small token, but SOMETHING! I mean come on! I don't think a couple of crappy groomsmen is a valid reason not to give the groomsmen gifts. I think you're reaching for reasons to justify not giving GM gifts. The RD isn't the only time people give gifts. A lot of people have OOT bridal parties that aren't able to make the RD, so a lot of people give the gifts on the wedding day. Some people even mail out the gifts ahead of time so they have them (that's what I did). You've obviously already decided just to give the two gifts you mentioned, so I don't know you even bother posting this. Like I said, it really seems like you just want to justify not giving the gifts.

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i just wanted to add, that almost 3 months later, one of our GMs gifts is still sitting on my counter! and we have seen him a few times since!

Ali, I don't mean this to be rude but if you FH doesn't get along with these people who are so not interested and don't like you, WHY are they in his bridal party to begin with? I dunno maybe they changed during the wedding planning process but it just seems a little off.


On another note I think that because they show up to the actual wedding and rent a tux, they should get some sort of token of appreciation.

You and FH need to remember why you picked these special people in your lives to be part of your special day.

I would give something anyway....very Inexpensive and no big deal, just because even if they are idiots you will still know you did the right thing.

I was in things remembered and they had nice and cheap engravable gifts for guys -mugs, shot glasses, flasks, hey chains ect......even x mas ornaments which may work with the December date.

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Posted by flairforfashion

I would still give something.

Exclusively Weddings has gifts for under 30 bucks if you are looking for something small. It's just tasteful to give a small token of thanks to members of your bridal party.

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This is what we ended up doing since I had already lost my job 2 months before our wedding & we had to be financially smart w/our $$.

We got our GM's the combo flask/cigar holder & cigar cutter w/ theie initials engraved - I bought some pretty(but masculine) gist bags & tissue from the dollar store to give them in.

As my grandma used to say - you dont have to spend a fortune to show a sentiment...

IMO, to answer your question, no, it's not ever okay to give a gift to select bridal party members and not others. Like Allegra said, it sounds like you're reaching to justify not wanting to get them gifts. Despite the fact that one is OOT, one got pissy for having his name spelled wrong, and one is, well, a little weird I guess, these are all important people to your FH, otherwise they wouldn't be GM in the first place.

Men don't place the same expectations on GM the way women do on BM. But just because they don't throw a shower or buy a fancy dress to be in the wedding, or help with all the details along the way, doesn't mean they shouldn't be acknowledged or appreciated as friends or family members. They're standing up on the altar for you and your FH on your wedding day -- THAT is what is important.

As mentioned many times above..... buy something small for each of them and just be done with it. It's not worth any stress.

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Posted by twoifbysea

IMO, to answer your question, no, it's not ever okay to give a gift to select bridal party members and not others. Like Allegra said, it sounds like you're reaching to justify not wanting to get them gifts. Despite the fact that one is OOT, one got pissy for having his name spelled wrong, and one is, well, a little weird I guess, these are all important people to your FH, otherwise they wouldn't be GM in the first place.

Men don't place the same expectations on GM the way women do on BM. But just because they don't throw a shower or buy a fancy dress to be in the wedding, or help with all the details along the way, doesn't mean they shouldn't be acknowledged or appreciated as friends or family members. They're standing up on the altar for you and your FH on your wedding day -- THAT is what is important.

As mentioned many times above..... buy something small for each of them and just be done with it. It's not worth any stress.

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I completely agree with this. Believe me their were BMs that I could have said I wouldnt get gifts based on this explanation but to me, it is just the right thing to do. Even something small...a gift card, something from things remembered, something little, but something.

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Posted by allegracristina

If you already know you're not giving the gifts why even bother asking?

Anyway, I think it's super rude not to give GM gifts. Even a small token, but SOMETHING! I mean come on! I don't think a couple of crappy groomsmen is a valid reason not to give the groomsmen gifts. I think you're reaching for reasons to justify not giving GM gifts. The RD isn't the only time people give gifts. A lot of people have OOT bridal parties that aren't able to make the RD, so a lot of people give the gifts on the wedding day. Some people even mail out the gifts ahead of time so they have them (that's what I did). You've obviously already decided just to give the two gifts you mentioned, so I don't know you even bother posting this. Like I said, it really seems like you just want to justify not giving the gifts.

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ITA...all you have to do is just give a little something.

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Posted by MrsDtoBe09

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Posted by allegracristina

If you already know you're not giving the gifts why even bother asking?

Anyway, I think it's super rude not to give GM gifts. Even a small token, but SOMETHING! I mean come on! I don't think a couple of crappy groomsmen is a valid reason not to give the groomsmen gifts. I think you're reaching for reasons to justify not giving GM gifts. The RD isn't the only time people give gifts. A lot of people have OOT bridal parties that aren't able to make the RD, so a lot of people give the gifts on the wedding day. Some people even mail out the gifts ahead of time so they have them (that's what I did). You've obviously already decided just to give the two gifts you mentioned, so I don't know you even bother posting this. Like I said, it really seems like you just want to justify not giving the gifts.

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ITA...all you have to do is just give a little something.

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ITA

We got these for our GM. Inexpensive and they came out great. For the girls I went all out, they deserved it.



Edited to say we bought them on the knot.com.

I'm really done with this whole issue. I've had to do everything for this wedding by myself, and FH hasn't helped me with anything. Anything he has helped me on has been completely begrudgingly, and only after nagging him for weeks on end to do it.

So I'm just not going to remind him anymore. It's his GM, his personal issues with them, and not my problem. If he lets these next 3 weeks go by without picking something up for them on his own, of his own volition...well, oh well. I just cannot keep doing things for him because he needs to take care of his own issues.

I appreciate all the feedback. I'm just not going to wipe FH's behind on this one and do it for him, he needs to do right or not do right by them on his own.