Sooo Upset

Original post by RedHead

Mar 16, 2004 11:06 PM

Ok...well my sexuality pre-cana class didn't go that well for us. In particular the part about having children. My FH and i decided that we want 1. I am older, i don't want to get pregnant very quickly so that means i will be even older when i am pregnant with child #1. I really can't imagin a #2. Maybe that is just the way i feel now, it mught change, i dunno.
BUT.........I don't think we should feel like bad people because of this decision. When our deacon ask us (us plus the 3 other couples)how many children do you want? We said one...BOY did we get the look. Then the couple after us..proceeds to explain why they feel they would never have just one child. HELLO...no one asked for your opinion...all that was asked is how many did you want to have? Not give your lame explanations why you feel 1 child is wrong. At the beginning of each class the deacon asks 'did you discuss what was said in the last class'? I feel like i should say hey these are our reasons we feel one child os good for us...but i also don't want to be petty either. What should i do? Be honest about my feeling on tonights convo...or...let it go?

I was fumming...and now i am hurt.

june262004 Posted: Mar 17, 2004 05:33 PM

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bobbsbride Posted: Mar 17, 2004 05:34 PM

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I am glad you got a few good giggles in last night! Don't let all those baby machines get to ya!

prncssrachel Posted: Mar 17, 2004 05:39 PM

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I'm so sorry that these overly opinionated people made you upset! There's no wrong or right answer to that question, that's what irks me! If I were you, I would go in there tonight, and if he asks if you talked about what was said last class, I would say, 'We did do a lot of talking since last class, and we feel that we were unfairly placed in an uncomfortable situation last time. We try not to judge anyone else, and we only hope that you would all do the same.' This way you can get it off your chest, but make a point at the same time. But I don't know if you feel comfortable saying something like that. Just know that you and FH are the only two people who can make the decision about children, and it's no one's place to judge you!

suven Posted: Mar 17, 2004 05:42 PM

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HEY! It is NOT anyone's business WHY you want to have X amount of children...

I don't think you should explain yourself. It is NOT their business.

RedHead Posted: Mar 17, 2004 06:00 PM

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Posted by 121502

I'm so sorry that these overly opinionated people made you upset! There's no wrong or right answer to that question, that's what irks me! If I were you, I would go in there tonight, and if he asks if you talked about what was said last class, I would say, 'We did do a lot of talking since last class, and we feel that we were unfairly placed in an uncomfortable situation last time. We try not to judge anyone else, and we only hope that you would all do the same.' This way you can get it off your chest, but make a point at the same time. But I don't know if you feel comfortable saying something like that. Just know that you and FH are the only two people who can make the decision about children, and it's no one's place to judge you!

I have been going back and forth with the idea...i don't want to sound like a baby...
And thanks to the girls here i am trying to not be bothered by it but it is like a thorn in your side that i know i am going to feel when i see this chick again

RedHead Posted: Mar 17, 2004 06:02 PM

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thanks gals... I soo appreciate the comments
you are all so great

LIPrincess00 Posted: Mar 17, 2004 07:00 PM

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I am so sorry that happened. I am in the same boat, We'll both be 38 when we get married. and we want to wait a year before trying. It is a very personal decision and no one should impose their opinions. IMO, I would just forget it.

RedHead Posted: Mar 17, 2004 07:05 PM

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Thanks Liprincess

kathleenmarie Posted: Mar 17, 2004 08:04 PM

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At 42, I'm thinking of NO children. We are kind of along the lines of if it happens fine. I'm sure I would have gotten the looks too! People are ignorant. Just let it go. Pompas people like that arent worth your time and usually have many issues of their own.

allaboutthecake Posted: Mar 17, 2004 09:06 PM

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I would have been really annoyed as well. I am going to be taking the pre-cana pretty soon and if they asked me how many children I wanted to have I would say I just want to have a kid so they can take care of me when I am old.... though from the reaction you got I guess that wouldn't go over too well either :). You should probably say that you thought the class was for everyone to voice their own opinions and not to pass judgement.

Karen H Posted: Mar 17, 2004 10:21 PM

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I can't believe that was asked! The question didn't even come up in our pre-cana! Ours was a large group (about 40 couples) not small and intimate. There were sessions were we split off into smaller groups to discuss topics, or went off to various areas to discuss things as a couple, then returned to the group, but we never had group therapy sessions where we discussed the other couples answers.

Also, when our priest asked about children it was when we were one-on-one. I'm not Catholic, and I told him I'd raise any children as Catholics, but not as Mets fans He's a big Mets fan, and DH is a big Yankees fan. He never did ask how many children we wanted to have.