Sooo Upset

Ok...well my sexuality pre-cana class didn't go that well for us. In particular the part about having children. My FH and i decided that we want 1. I am older, i don't want to get pregnant very quickly so that means i will be even older when i am pregnant with child #1. I really can't imagin a #2. Maybe that is just the way i feel now, it mught change, i dunno.
BUT.........I don't think we should feel like bad people because of this decision. When our deacon ask us (us plus the 3 other couples)how many children do you want? We said one...BOY did we get the look. Then the couple after us..proceeds to explain why they feel they would never have just one child. HELLO...no one asked for your opinion...all that was asked is how many did you want to have? Not give your lame explanations why you feel 1 child is wrong. At the beginning of each class the deacon asks 'did you discuss what was said in the last class'? I feel like i should say hey these are our reasons we feel one child os good for us...but i also don't want to be petty either. What should i do? Be honest about my feeling on tonights convo...or...let it go?

I was fumming...and now i am hurt.

Re: Sooo Upset

It is so wrong for someone to judge your personal choices like that! Whether someone wants 1, 12, or 0 kids, that's their own decision! I think that there would be nothign wrong with you expressing how you felt tonight when you go to the next class. At that point, some of the hurt will probably have subsided (even just a little), and you can explain your choice....but only if you want to..you shouldn't feel like you have to defend yourself to anyone.

Re: Sooo Upset

When my hubbie and I met with the priest who was going to marry us, he asked us how many children we wanted. We both responded, 'Two!' And gave each other a loving look like, 'This priest is going to know we are right for each other!' Boy were we wrong! The priest gave us this long speech about how we should have as many children as God blesses us with, and that he wouldn't be the person he is today if he didn't have 17 brothers and sisters, blah, blah! Hello?!? Nobody could afford to do that these days and the world has changed. The catholic religion needs to get updated or everyone will drop out. No woman could possibly do that in this day in age unless she was a millionaire with a LOT of patience! Everyone has their own opinions about children and the other couple was probably trying to impress the deacon with their responses. Even if they weren't, take it with a grain of salt -- they're entitled to their opinions just as you're entitled to yours. Let it slide. It's frustrating, but so be it! Not worth the worry! Just be happy you and your hubby are on the same page with regard to how many children you want. Too many couples separate over that issue. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones!

Re: Sooo Upset

Sorry to hear that! I think that is SO wrong. God, what would have happened if had said NONE?

I don't think you should have to defend your choice at all!

Re: Sooo Upset

You shouldnt have to explain yourself to anyone... This is why I said that at our Pre Cana we ddnt feel like the host couple was trying to force their opinions on us, because I have heard in the past that these classes sometimes get like that.. They seem to become a class where you are sometimes made to feel like your decisions are wrong or not good enough. im sure they dont do it on purpose but thats what sometimes happens.

Dont let ANYONE tell you that your decisions are wrong.. Thats your lives and you do whats right for you two.
I would just let it go if you bring it back up you are just going to upset yourself again.

Re: Sooo Upset

thanks everyone..

Re: Sooo Upset

i'm sorry to hear that. i think it is good that you have discussed the issue before it has arisen and that is what the deacon should commend. think about how many couples don't talk about that. you are just fine!

Re: Sooo Upset

---

Posted by cocoa

i'm sorry to hear that. i think it is good that you have discussed the issue before it has arisen and that is what the deacon should commend. think about how many couples don't talk about that. you are just fine!

---

thanks

Re: Sooo Upset

I think you should be mad. I just got my Foccus results back on Saturday and we really talked to my priest and he was very impressed that we also want to have one child and that we had talked about it. he said it is all about discussions that lead to decisions not just the decisions themselves............... to you and FH

Re: Sooo Upset

---

Posted by NYCHICK

I think you should be mad. I just got my Foccus results back on Saturday and we really talked to my priest and he was very impressed that we also want to have one child and that we had talked about it. he said it is all about discussions that lead to decisions not just the decisions themselves............... to you and FH

---

thanks
Our deacon did commend us on our decision It was the other couple who felt the
need to speak their mind about having 1. SO i soooo want to tell her of

Re: Sooo Upset

dont be upset.....they wanna have dozens let them...u want to have one...then thats what u want...who gave them the rite to say y or y not more than one child should be in a family......
dont worry

Re: Sooo Upset

That is no ones business but yours and your husbands. Dont let anyone upset you with their judgements!

Re: Sooo Upset

Oct2004.bride - I'm in the same boat. I will be 32 when we marry and I don't want children right away. I would be happy if I'm blessed with 1 child. How many children you have/want is a very personal decision, and you should never be judged for it. Everyone's situation is different.

My FH & I have had this discussion because he is an only child and I have one older brother who I couldn't imagine life without. He said he wouldn't change a thing and he has NO resentment because of it - as he put it 'you don't miss what you never had'

The bottom line is - do what you and your FH thinks is best for your family and don't let anyone else make you feel bad about your decision.

Re: Sooo Upset

I appreciate all the support gals

Re: Sooo Upset

don't worry about it! i just did my precana and while i enjoyed it, i feel that some of the rules are sort of archaic! i've been having a problem with it, but my fh has been telling me that it is ok not to agree with all of the teachings of the church...i sort of liked that.

Re: Sooo Upset

---

Posted by whb2004

don't worry about it! i just did my precana and while i enjoyed it, i feel that some of the rules are sort of archaic! i've been having a problem with it, but my fh has been telling me that it is ok not to agree with all of the teachings of the church...i sort of liked that.

---

Thanks wedding day twin..

Re: Sooo Upset

---

Posted by Oct04Bride

How many children you have/want is a very personal decision, and you should never be judged for it. Everyone's situation is different.

---

agreed, although i must say i find my mother's view on this rather interesting... both my parents are only children. my mother wanted to have at least two so that when parents die the children will have the memories to share.

i am a bit older and have no idea how i will financially support one, let alone three kids. however i do keep in mind what my mother has said and will make things work one way or another...

Re: Sooo Upset

I think that it is nobodys business but your own how many children you have in the future and it was insensitive of the others to share negative opinions like that. to you and FH and just remember as long as you are loving to whatever children you have thats all that matters.

Re: Sooo Upset

I am so sorry that this happened to you! You are not the only one who only wants one child!! As of right now in my life I want only one child. There is no reason for you having to explain yourself!! I hope you are feeling better!

Re: Sooo Upset

---

Posted by bobbsbride

I am so sorry that this happened to you! You are not the only one who only wants one child!! As of right now in my life I want only one child. There is no reason for you having to explain yourself!! I hope you are feeling better!

---

Hey girl...I chuckled to myself a couple of times...thought of ya