Sorry Ladies 09'er need some help!

Hey Ladies,

So FH's step-brother got married a year and a 1/2 ago and we were both in the wedding party. We had a great relationship with his brother and his wife - we spent a ton of money on them...and now it's our turn to get married. But the thing is we don't have the same relationship with them anymore...they never call but when we see them in person I love them all over again. Plus they had a baby so they don't really talk to us anymore except for family functions. SO now my question is: Do you think we need to ask them being that we were in their wedding? It is his step-brother and FH said it makes no difference to him he is leaving the decision up to me...if we ask his brother I have to ask his wife too? Should I just suck it up and ask so there is no hard feelings?

If I do ask I don't want it to be like...We will talk when it's time to go get dresses and tuxes and that's it....I really don't feel like dealing with the extra drama? Any advice?

Also the step-brother and wife had a little girl who they think is being the flower girl...but we ARE NOT having kids at the wedding it's a Sunday night...so how do I work around that to...they can be in the wedding but there is going to be no kids?

grrrrr..please help ladies sorry so long, just dont know how to handle this one...because now they are starting to ask who the bridal party it and we have already officially asked our siblings but we were undecided with them...


Sorry so Long!

I think that because they are family, you should have them both in your party. I think in the long run it will be better for your relationship. Maybe it will even help bring you guys close again!


Edit: I meant to add that you need to tell them straight up that you don't want any kids in the wedding party. Lot's of people don't have flower girls!

you should def ask thm! dont just assume they will do it. You never know what the situation is right now with having a family and all. Talk to them and see how they fell. Dont get upset if they say they cant do it. Then again they might be very happy to be apart of it! talk to them first!
hope that helps

I think you should have them.

I totally understand how you feel, but, put yourself in their shoes..... they're just at a different place right now, esp. with a new baby.

There was no event that caused a problem between all of you.....

So, in the interest of saving hurt feelings, I say do it!

Definitely ask them... you mention that you don't want to deal with extra drama but it doesn't seem like there will be since you love them all over again when you see them... What could it hurt? $150 on extra BP gifts?

As far as the flower girl goes - you could make an exception for her only. Lots of people do that as well (i.e me) - I'm not having children at the wedding except for the kids in my bridal party and they'll be at the reception as well.

Another way is to arrange a babysitter for them (manybe SILs parents) so your FG can leave after the cocktail hour (let her have SOME fun at your wedding)...

If you are totally opposed to either of those - you have to nip it in the bud NOW. Tell them straight up you don't want ANY children there. Be nice but matter of factly and don't tell them your reasoning or anything - just be firm - no kids.

Good luck momma!!

Thanks Ladies...I really appreciate the feedback!

I think we are going to ask them, I don't want anyone getting hurt and they are family so I do feel that it is the right thing to do. But I'll wait a little while to ask just so I'm sure

As far as the flower girl....I will tell them straight out and not beat around the bush..No Kids, she will be three at the time and I want the parents to have a good time and not leave early.,


Thanks again Ladies you are the best!

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Posted by blu6385

as for the flower girl situation ... i would just let them know that there are no kids attending the reception and say however she can be in the wedding if you but she would have to go home after that ... i dont see the big deal out of this considering if shes going to be the only kid at the RH then she most likely isnt gong to have to much fun since there are no other kids to play with there ...

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Did you go to Island Trees?

You look so familar...if you did congrats on the upcoming wedding!

not sure yet how to handle FG situation...BUT I do think you should ask them to be in BP...avoid hard feelings at all costs...especially since you sound like you do genuinely like them

Just because you were in their bridal party doesn't mean they have to be in yours. However, they may feel hurt that they weren't asked and they may not understand or agree with your reasons. on the other hand they may not want to be in the bridal party because they are married now with a family and other financial responsibilities.

IMO I think you should discuss it with them. It seems as though you want to have a relationship with them again or else you wouldn't feel this torn. Explain this and how it's up to them if they want to participate and will understand their decision.

i did not ask either of my brothers to be in our wedding party. it isnt because i don't love them, or that i don't want them involved, it's because i'd rather them come as guests and just relax and party.
They are both a lot older than me, and have both done so much for me in the past, that I don't want to ask either of them to incure any added expenses.

I plan on asking them to do a reading at the ceremony though.

I do not think you HAVE to have anyone in your bridal party. Weddings should not be a 'tit for tat' kind of event. Added drama is not needed.

If you don't want to ask them, don't. If you want to be nice about it incase they ask or are offended, just tell them that with the youngin in the picture you wanted them to be able to enjoy themselves and not have to spend any extra money on you guys.

i would also tell them straight up about the 'no kids' rule.
However, if you want a flower girl, she could be there for the ceremony and then maybe someone could pick up the little one and watch her for the night. a lot of people do that.

You have PLENTY of time to worry about all this, if you really want them involved, perhaps you could start hanging out with them more now, and then when you're close again you'll be more comfortable asking them.