Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Katy06 Posted: Apr 27, 2005 03:14 PM

Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I was just wondering because I have a very involved FMIL and Ive noticed that the vendors I like, I like because of their work, they way they treated me on the phone and in person etc, etc. I dont care what race they are. However, my FMIL obviously does. She obviously just wants to work with caucasians.

She says she is not prejudiced, but I think more and more that she is. I mean she sort of embarrased me the other day when we met with someone who was clearly not white. The guy was so on the ball and I loved him she gave him looks and looked like she wanted to leave!

Once we left she said she didnt like him and went on and on about someone else her friend recomended who by the way I think is an a$$. Yes he is white. At one point she even said she didnt think he would now our crowd and how elegant everything was going to be. Im so shocked!!! the company has been in business for so long.

I spoke to my Fiance about this and said I want to work with who I like and not who his mom likes. He says I have to understand she isn't a city girl like I am, she hasnt been exposed to the rest of the world, lives up in the mountain and that I should lighten up.

I dont know what to think. Am I making a big deal of this as FH says? I just dont feel comfortable with her coming to the vendor meetings anymore.

Ugh I have a headache I hate that his parents are paying 50% of our wedding budget I wish I could afford to just push them out.

I guess thats another topic.

jantany26 Posted: Apr 27, 2005 03:16 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I would never discriminate a vendor just because of their race, that's ludricous.

Butterflybride Posted: Apr 27, 2005 03:51 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I think that's sad that people have to have things this way. Choosing a vendor because they're white instead of their capabilities is silly.

nsgraham Posted: Apr 27, 2005 04:07 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Yes, she's a racist. Sorry, she just is. That's ridiculous. Did he work stand out for itself? Then hire who you want to hire - take a stand.

mrswask Posted: Apr 27, 2005 04:38 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!!

Jax430 Posted: Apr 27, 2005 04:39 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I couldn't have cared less if my vendors were the same race as me.

juju Posted: Apr 27, 2005 05:28 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I don't think you should lighten up....your FMIL should Lighten up.

It is you and your DH's wedding not your MILs. Go with the vendors you feel comfortable with. MIL will get over it!!!!

HearzBellz Posted: Apr 27, 2005 06:43 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Although I do not agree with what she is doing, and I think she is being very close-minded, there are some circumstances where if you are of a certain ethnicity, it is best to have vendors that are of your ethnicity to perform services for your wedding. For example, I used to work at a catering hall that hosted a lot of wedding where the bride & groom were from Afghanistan. Their culture and tradition are so different from the american way, that even the way the food is presented & the order in which people have to stand in photographs is a major concern.

In the case of your FMIL, however, she just seems to have a 'problem'

Good luck with your planning

RedHead Posted: Apr 27, 2005 07:30 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

in all honestly i really do not thik that race has anything to do with quality of work...

I think it is silly to even say or make mention of (i do not mean you or this thread...just in general).

I would be MORE concerned who will do what i want and do it well!
If they are purple ...more power to them

Kris77 Posted: Apr 27, 2005 07:48 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Im sorry, but your MIL is a complete bigot. I just hope your FH does not have any of those traits, because what she is doing is just disgusting.

marymoon Posted: Apr 28, 2005 02:34 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

wow. I don't really care what race my vendors are. The work is important. I never care about race for anything. The only time race matters, i GUESS, is for stuff like maybe hair and makeup...like I wouldn';t want to hire someone who didn't have a lot of experience with doing my type and color of hair and skin, but that still dones't even have to do with the race of the person necessarily, just their training. Also, some vendors may have things that are more related to you culturally, like I'm not going to have a lot of luck with kosher food at an italian catering hall. Ok, anyway, I have to say no, race really doesn't matter at all. I wouldn't seek out a DJ that had for example 90% experience doing latin american weddings, because they might not have the music that I want...so there are vendors that cater to certain races, but race in the vendor him or herself? If you think that's important, you're a racist

dkwife Posted: Apr 28, 2005 11:03 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Posted by mrswask

That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!!

Seriously

marymoon Posted: Apr 28, 2005 11:16 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I don't think you should bring FMIL on your appointments anymore. If she were giving cconstructive help, it would be one thing..but he's hindering the process

tourist Posted: Apr 28, 2005 01:28 PM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

All my vendors were white, but that was an odd coincidence. I actually felt kinda bad about it.

N.Y.bride Posted: Apr 29, 2005 09:10 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Even though they agreed to help pay for the wedding IMO they have NO say in who you choose as long as its in their budget. I would not invite her at all. That is just so old school and sad.

dkwife Posted: Apr 29, 2005 09:25 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Posted by tourist

All my vendors were white, but that was an odd coincidence. I actually felt kinda bad about it.

I didn't even think about this... what year are we living in???

MCDO15 Posted: Apr 29, 2005 09:43 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

i was worried about how part of my family would take it..esepcially the church go'ers cause we didnt do a religous ceremony.

i really dont care and for people to think that just like my other post abou tthis topic, are blind.

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Apr 29, 2005 10:02 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

Posted by Jax430

I couldn't have cared less if my vendors were the same race as me.

I hear ya sista!!!

boobobunny Posted: Apr 29, 2005 10:06 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I have vendors of all different Races, Gender, Religion, ect. But then again my family is pretty much all mixed up too.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 29, 2005 11:15 AM

Re: Spinoff from racist parents/ Do your vendors need to be of your race?

I don't think paying for 50% of the wedding entitles her to choosing your vendors. It's still YOUR wedding. I would NOT have her come along to the vendor meetings.

I had vendors of all different races but I do admit there was one vendor where I preferred a Latino -- that was my DJ. But that's because of my (and my family's) musical tastes. That doesn't mean that a 'white' (I don't like that term) DJ could not have played my wedding just as well but I DID interview a couple and the ones I did interview did not know the music well enough. Also, they would have had to be bilingual - surprisingly many spoke spanish very well.

Anyway, the point is, even though I 'preferred' a Latino DJ (and ended up hiring one) didn't stop me from considering DJs of other races.

Your FMIL doesn't sound nearly as open-minded.