spinoff: I'm REALLY getting Annoyed -- any thoughts?

So...after telling that their (FILs) guest list was ready but not typed, after giving me several dates they'd get me the list and then missing them, and even after I offered to pick up their (untyped) list personally, I am told that THEIR LIST IS NOT EVEN READY YET!!!! (What liars they are -- I wish I could tell them that, but I won't.) So, I took the advice of you wonderful ladies and sent the following email:

You know I love you guys, but this situation with the invitations is frustrating me more than you know. And we're down to the wire now.

I am happily willing to do all the work as I mentioned in a prior email -- from numbering all of the RSVPs and stuffing the envelopes to bringing everything to the post office, hand-cancelling all of the invitations and tracking everything. I can't make this any easier for you. But for whatever the reason, you can't seem to get a list together, and I can't help you if you can't help me by providing the addresses and names for your guests. Clearly, I'm not getting anywhere.

So I will be handing in my list to the calligrapher this weekend -- I received word this morning that invitations are on the way (woo hoo!) Although I'd love for all of the invitations to go out together, I'm not going to hold mine up, nor will I start picking out specific guests of yours to send to with my invites while you finish up the rest of your list. By doing so, there are bound to be mistakes made along the way and I'm not willing to take that chance.

I just hope we meet our 150 minimum. As I'm sure you know, August is a very popular vacation month and it is therefore integral that invitations go out as early as possible. Mine will go out on Saturday, May 27.

Forgetting me and Justin, the two of you and my dad, please -- for the good of the wedding -- where is your list? I love you both, but I don't want to continue harping on this subject so I'm not bringing it up again.


LADIES, What do you think? Should I have done something different?

Wow, if I sent that to my FIL's you know what would hit the fan. You are a brave girl. LOL
I went thru the same issues with my FIL and it was stressful so I feel your pain.
Hopefully your letter hits them so they realize how important it is to move the butts.

I'm sorry, I didn't see the earlier post, but when are you sending out your invitations?

ETA: Just my personal opinion, and I don't want to start drama (heaven-forbid!)

Your email got the point across but I found it a little condescending. Yes, planning a wedding is difficult, and when other people hold you up, it's very frustrating. However, I feel that you have pick and choose your battles, and putting a fire under their azz w/this approach is honestly going to cause more problems, and some resentment. I would have had FI deal with them, and that's it.

i think thats good- it gets your point across and lets them know your frustration without being too much...
but i think the main thing that will work is just how you told them ' i'm sending the invites for my side out on this date, with or without yours'- i think that putting that in there was good and should be enough to get them in gear.....

wow - i guess you must have a very very close relationships to write something like that to your inlaws - i know that the whole invitation process is horrible and that they are wrong tin how they are handling it - but i think you could have asked/emailed a LOT nicer - in my oponion, and it is just that, that whole email sounded completely rude and condescending ... and not how i would want my inlaws to think of me.


maybe your FH could have spoken to them in person and handled it

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

The email gets your point across, but to be honest, I think that FH should be the one to email them about their irresponsibility. JMO.

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yeah i agree-- his job

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

The email gets your point across, but to be honest, I think that FH should be the one to email them about their irresponsibility. JMO.

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I completely agree.

just curious ladies -- PLEASE, be honest -- what do you think I said wrong here?

They flat out lied to me. Told me they had their list, just not typed and really, they have nothing.

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Posted by robynlevy

just curious ladies -- PLEASE, be honest -- what do you think I said wrong here?

They flat out lied to me. Told me they had their list, just not typed and really, they have nothing.

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I'm going to be honest:

I think the email was more of a vent than a request. I think you feel unappreciated for all the work you're putting forth w/out it being recognized by your FIL's. For example - you explained the detail about the process of the invitations - calligrapher, stuffing, hand cancelling, etc. We know how much you're putting forth, and they probably don't - just as much as anyone who's not planning a wedding now a days would also NOT understand.

Since you decided to confront them instead of having your FI deal with his own parents about their guests, the email comes off a bit 'bridezilla-ish' and more as a threat than a request - an exhausted request.

I think you have a legitimate gripe, but went about it the wrong way. Sometimes you have to kill them with kindness than getting nasty w/them. I saw the email as a THREAT - give me your list or else you're 'beat'...

Thank you Chrissy, for your honesty. I do appreciate it.

I suppose I should have prefaced my initial post by stating that for the last week daily (and about once a week for the last three months prior) I was writing innocent, sugary sweet emails asking for their list. This email was sent in response to one saying that they didn't even have a list ready (even though they told me they did.)

after reading your previous posts--i you for sending out that message......
BUT
it probably should have come from FH instead of you. no matter what -- they are now gonna have fuel for a fire that you are a 'bridezilla'. your FH should have handled this instead of leaving it to you!

be prepared for the backlash...but i totally understand why you sent this.

you need to let them know what the deal is... if FH is not going to handle it in a productive manner than you have to... your email sounds fine.. but final approval should come from FH.. that is what I did!

Fh and I harped his mom for 3 months.. he even threatened her.. i finally had it and told her how it was! She has no problem being brutally honest (etc etc) with others, so i was honest with her.. she didnt like it.. but some people can not take a dose of what they give out! needless to say I got a list REAL FAST! (the next morning!)

JMO, your FH should have handled it. The email is harsh.. Yes they lied, but is not the end of the world. Sounds like you have plenty of time to get your invites out.