spinoff of interfaith ceremony thread

We are planning on having an interfaith ceremony too. He is Jewish and I'm Catholic. Has anyone thought about or is concerned with the fact that even if there is a rabbi and a minister performing the ceremony that it isn't really legal in the eyes of the jewish or catholic religion? I'm having ambivalent feelings about who the officiants should be because of that.

On one hand, it just feels a little artificial to me to have religious ceremonies when they aren't recognized by your respective religions in the end. What other perspectives are out there on the topic?

As far as catholicism is concerned, there is a way to get a dispensation from the catholic church....I know none of the details, but I KNOW that there are brides on here that do. Don't know about the judaism part either, and I'm the one that's jewish.

I wish I had a better answer but it's not a concern for us.

I'm not getting married for the Catholic church or the Jewish faith, I'm getting married for myself and for my fiance. I could really care less what they think. Honestly, those who have been welcoming and loving to us will recognize our marriage regardless, and those who are too self-centered and closed-minded to do so really don't deserve my consideration on this marriage.

My rabbi is marrying us. He recognizes our marriage. Our families recognize our marriage. The frickin STATE recognizes our marriage. Who has the right to tell us we're not really married?

We're being married by a rabbi because he was the person who felt right, in terms of what we wanted for our wedding, and because a certain amount of spirituality is important to us, and a little Judaism was important to my parents.

(sorry if I sound bitter - I've had a lot of experience with closed-minded super religious people (and good experiences with religious people as well, it's not all bad!), and it's led me to have no patience for that kind of attitude.

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Posted by weddingbunny

(sorry if I sound bitter - I've had a lot of experience with closed-minded super religious people (and good experiences with religious people as well, it's not all bad!), and it's led me to have no patience for that kind of attitude.

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you have? you mean about the ceremony or the marriage?

i've come across one person who's super religious (jewish) and has made comments about the ceremony. no one has made comments about the marriage (that i am aware of!)

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Posted by karabara

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Posted by weddingbunny

(sorry if I sound bitter - I've had a lot of experience with closed-minded super religious people (and good experiences with religious people as well, it's not all bad!), and it's led me to have no patience for that kind of attitude.

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you have? you mean about the ceremony or the marriage?

i've come across one person who's super religious (jewish) and has made comments about the ceremony. no one has made comments about the marriage (that i am aware of!)

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all of the above - and just in general about my practices and not being 'religious' enough for them.

I went to school with a LOT of very religious, very closed-minded people. I got sick of it after a while.

Even one of the officiants we met with (who supposedly did 'interfaith' weddings) was judgmental and rude about it - turned out she didn't really do interfaith weddings - she did jewish weddings but would ALLOW if half the couple wasn't Jewish - as long as they were willing to have an entirely Jewish wedding, Jewish home, and raise their children Jewish - this is NOT the same as interfaith!

It's so sad to me... I mean, love is love, you know? Why is some love not as good as other love to some people?

I had the same worries as you when I began planning my wedding because I am Catholic & FH is Jewish.

I sent you FM about who I am using & looking back I wish that I had access to some info that I know now. HTH

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Posted by weddingbunny

It's so sad to me... I mean, love is love, you know? Why is some love not as good as other love to some people?

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ok, that just gave me chills reading that. Yep, I hear you ... I got some negative responses as well.

i don't know how it works on the Jewish end, but your marriage CAN be recognized by the Catholic Church if you want it to be. It requires work on your part, but if it's important to you, than that won't matter. i find many people (not saying this is you!!!) get very upset with the Church or whomever when they 'don't hear what they want to hear' and they get very bitter... but they either don't practice anyway and/OR they don't understand or look into why some things are the way they are and they either get very upset and bitter. OR sometimes they don't have the wedding that really could have had in the Church because they didn't think it was 'allowed'.

for catholics, when marrying interfaith (non-Christian) you need to attend an inter-fath Pre-Cana (pre-marital counseling...in fact all couples do a Pre-Cana in the Catholic church), get an inter-faith dispensation (just paperwork, the priest can help you with this) and work out the details of the actual ceremony... who will perform, where, etc. etc. My SIL married a Jewish guy and it was a Sacrament for her.Also, discussions of in what faith the children will be raised in, etc. really should be decided before you are married.

I can imagine it's hard to be inter-faith. but i think if your religion is important to you, people make it work. the Church is understanding of interfaith couples, but i think a lot of people think that they're not and don't even approach it thinking it's impossible, or refuse to understand why the Church won't bend on certain 'rules' and then they get upset.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL!!!

Feel free to FM if you have any questions. (i.e. I'm not interfaith, but saw what my SIL went through and know a lot about the Catholic cathechism ('rules') and why they are that way.

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Posted by mfiorent

After the wedding you could have your marriage 'blessed' in a catholic church by a priest, and after that supposedly your marriage is 'officially' recognized by the catholic church. One of my coworkers is catholic, married a jewish man (all by a judge) and says she plans on doing that! good luck! fm me if you need more details!

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It's not a 'blessing.' it is what is called a convalidation. Basically, this takes a marriage that was performed by a judge, justice of the peace, or otherwise outside the Catholic Church and makes it a Sacrament for the Catholic. The vows are said again within a Catholic ceremony or Nuptial Mass. Speaking with a priest at your parish is how you should get this process started.