spinoff to mrsdtobe : Poll : do you come from a broken home? (kinda long)

Reading those posts made me really sad. I know that some parents remarried and I know some of you are happy that you have a stepmom or stepdad, but isnt it sad the amount of people that get divorced? why? Is is because people give up faster? do you just walk down the street and fall in love with someone else? I know that we're all crazy about our weddings and everything, but our weddings are only the beginning, then real life starts, (for some of us who live with FH, real life and real problems already started) it just makes me sad that some people just give up so easily. I honestly dont understand, ofcourse i understand domestic/emotional abuse, alcohol, drugs, heavy gambling and cheating BUT why/how does this happen? I am taking an example of a normal couple lets say, who have lived together before marriage or are together for 3 or x number of years and then x years later : BOOM : I have an alcohol problem, or Hey Hunny I dont love you anymore ??? I know I must sound crazy writing this, but divorce just breaks my heart. (i know in some cases theres no other way)
I just dont get this: how people always say 'Oh dont think you can change him after you're married' ..... so you cant change him for the better but he can change for the worse? That's just great!!!!
Maybe im just blabbing on and on, i just needed to get it out.

By the way, im not some naive girl who thinks Oh he'll never ever do that. i dont', i take my moms advice of 'Marriage is a lottery' - bc in a way it is. You just never know.
I know im contradicting myself here. So Ill just stop typing.
I know everyone thinks its forever when they get married, no one thinks about divorce, its just sad that down the road some people grow apart, dont work on their relationships and just give up :(

Oki im done

It's true, you don't know what will happen when you get married. And you are right, our wedding day is a celebration of our love, but it doesn't define the marriage.
I've learned that a relationship takes work, it's not easy and both have to work hard at it.
I think people divorce for different reasons just like they marry for different reasons. Some of those reasons may not be the right ones and this leads to divorce.

I also think that people divorce because it's being seen as part of a solution when it shouldn't. no matter how tough things get unless it's unhealthy people should stick it out.
I also think that times have changed. maybe divorce is higher now because both work now as opposed to before a lot of mom's/wives stayed home. So there was less stress, etc.

I totally agree with everything you said, its really a shame that divorce does happen, but in reality it does. How it does, is beyond me, I'm very fortunate to have both my parents together, so I've never seen the other half you know? .. I know my parents did have a few years that were very rough and hard, and my brothers and I thought they would divorce, but they never gave up, and they kept at there marriage, and now they are more in love than I've ever seen before, and I LOVE THAT! My mom is very lucky to have my dad, and vise versa, I just hope DH and I are that happy 25 years from now.

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Posted by mrspalomino148

I totally agree with everything you said, its really a shame that divorce does happen, but in reality it does. How it does, is beyond me, I'm very fortunate to have both my parents together, so I've never seen the other half you know? .. I know my parents did have a few years that were very rough and hard, and my brothers and I thought they would divorce, but they never gave up, and they kept at there marriage, and now they are more in love than I've ever seen before, and I LOVE THAT! My mom is very lucky to have my dad, and vise versa, I just hope DH and I are that happy 25 years from now.

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i knwo same here, my parents are going to celebrate their 25th anniversary 3 days after our wedding. so i dont really know how someone might interpret everything from the other side... when their parents divorced. it just su|cks

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Posted by Espo22

i wouldn't say they all give up quickly...My parents separated when i was 24 and were married 27 years so they did put alot of effort into it and DEFINITELY did not give up too quickly

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no i totally hear you denise, i know my aunt and uncle had their 30 yr anniversary and they got seperated - i know some people try

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by mrspalomino148

I totally agree with everything you said, its really a shame that divorce does happen, but in reality it does. How it does, is beyond me, I'm very fortunate to have both my parents together, so I've never seen the other half you know? .. I know my parents did have a few years that were very rough and hard, and my brothers and I thought they would divorce, but they never gave up, and they kept at there marriage, and now they are more in love than I've ever seen before, and I LOVE THAT! My mom is very lucky to have my dad, and vise versa, I just hope DH and I are that happy 25 years from now.

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i knwo same here, my parents are going to celebrate their 25th anniversary 3 days after our wedding. so i dont really know how someone might interpret everything from the other side... when their parents divorced. it just su|cks

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aw congrats to them!! my parents will have 27 years on the 29th! ... I really honestly don't know either, I've asked DH because he's gone through it twice with his mom, she was cheated on by both of her ex-husbands, and I just can't understand how someone can cheat on someone they had to of loved sooo much if they said vows to one another.

I'm not saying nobody will cheat, I've done it in the past, but I cheated because I wasn't with the right person ((and because well I was awful at the time)), but I can't dream of cheating on DH, it just doesn't make sense..

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Posted by Espo22

and i dont think in many cases its an overnight thing like hey i dont love you anymore bc many times they still love eachother. BUT its hard to be with somebody 10 years, 20 years, 30 years and so on. Who we are in our 20's will be completely different from who we are in our 30's, 40's and so forth. Now growing together is the hard part bc everybody changes but its growing together with these changes that makes a big difference.

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I can defiantly understand that. Obviously we've all had past relationships that have failed, and it didn't happen overnight, people grow apart sometimes ... I just pray that it doesn't happen to me, but I think we all feel that way

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Posted by Espo22

i think many times when we are in love we ignore things that we hope will be things we can deal with or who knows what it is. But there are differences that after 20 years of dealing with it just gets to be too much. I was with somebody for a very long time, but i didnt think about marriage with him bc i knew our differences would just cause us to fight all the time, which we did in our relationship lol but living together UGH no way, and to raise kids with his values that a man is the man and head of the house and all that macho cr*p i really didn't want. We also deal with things that dont make us happy bc we love the person and think that is good enough, which for some x amount of years it will be but then when that new love feeling goes away youre left with just the differences and the annoyances which turn into hatred.

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OMG i know exactly what you're talking about.
its like talking about my x, we were together for so long, but there were always problems, we always disagreed, so much effin drama that i couldnt take it anymore. and you know what i think, if in the beginning you see tiny little thigns, stupid things, those will be huge in 5-10 years after youre married.

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by Espo22

i think many times when we are in love we ignore things that we hope will be things we can deal with or who knows what it is. But there are differences that after 20 years of dealing with it just gets to be too much. I was with somebody for a very long time, but i didnt think about marriage with him bc i knew our differences would just cause us to fight all the time, which we did in our relationship lol but living together UGH no way, and to raise kids with his values that a man is the man and head of the house and all that macho cr*p i really didn't want. We also deal with things that dont make us happy bc we love the person and think that is good enough, which for some x amount of years it will be but then when that new love feeling goes away youre left with just the differences and the annoyances which turn into hatred.

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OMG i know exactly what you're talking about.
its like talking about my x, we were together for so long, but there were always problems, we always disagreed, so much effin drama that i couldnt take it anymore. and you know what i think, if in the beginning you see tiny little thigns, stupid things, those will be huge in 5-10 years after youre married.

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exactly, and at first you just deal with it but after 10 years of not getting something you want it can break your heart. You can also fall out of love, which is what happened with me and it was weird and hard to even describe. But after so much drama, fighting, differences and all that BS little by little i pushed away. ALl of that bs broke my spirit and although it didnt happen overnight, i admitted it to myself almost overnight. Its hard to even deal with yourself even when you are the one that falls out of love but then it hits you like a ton of bricks like I DONT CARE ANYMORE, and i didnt have any energy at all to fight for the relationship anymore, i couldnt even physically do it anymore i didnt care one bit. We got into a fight one day and i said IM DONE! he probably didnt believe me but i didnt even call him or anything and when he tried i wouldnt even talk and i just moved on

i think nowadays people realize they don't have to suffer through a terrible relationship. people change. they can change for the better or worse. unfortunately... sometimes the worse is just unbearable. in the past - it was socially unacceptable to divorce. so people lived in misery.

i know almost everyone will think i am wrong but...i think divorce is a great thing. it's a second chance for people to be happy. you can only put so much into a relationship before realizing that it just won't work... it could be all sorts or reasons or just one reason.

i don't take divorce lightly... i just think its better for someone to be happy then stay miserable. I have seen parents that hate each other stay together for their children's sake... I don't see how they could possibly think staying together... living in a hostile environment is better for the kids then putting them through a divorce. If you ask me it is much worse.

My parents have been seperated since i was 2 only recently divorced(long story)...but i actually have NEVER met my dad ever...he has made no effort..its ridiculous..But i dont know any better...I didnt grow up with him so i dont what it is like to have a father around.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by gabbie83

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Posted by Espo22

i think many times when we are in love we ignore things that we hope will be things we can deal with or who knows what it is. But there are differences that after 20 years of dealing with it just gets to be too much. I was with somebody for a very long time, but i didnt think about marriage with him bc i knew our differences would just cause us to fight all the time, which we did in our relationship lol but living together UGH no way, and to raise kids with his values that a man is the man and head of the house and all that macho cr*p i really didn't want. We also deal with things that dont make us happy bc we love the person and think that is good enough, which for some x amount of years it will be but then when that new love feeling goes away youre left with just the differences and the annoyances which turn into hatred.

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OMG i know exactly what you're talking about.
its like talking about my x, we were together for so long, but there were always problems, we always disagreed, so much effin drama that i couldnt take it anymore. and you know what i think, if in the beginning you see tiny little thigns, stupid things, those will be huge in 5-10 years after youre married.

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exactly, and at first you just deal with it but after 10 years of not getting something you want it can break your heart. You can also fall out of love, which is what happened with me and it was weird and hard to even describe. But after so much drama, fighting, differences and all that BS little by little i pushed away. ALl of that bs broke my spirit and although it didnt happen overnight, i admitted it to myself almost overnight. Its hard to even deal with yourself even when you are the one that falls out of love but then it hits you like a ton of bricks like I DONT CARE ANYMORE, and i didnt have any energy at all to fight for the relationship anymore, i couldnt even physically do it anymore i didnt care one bit. We got into a fight one day and i said IM DONE! he probably didnt believe me but i didnt even call him or anything and when he tried i wouldnt even talk and i just moved on

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i know - one day i was just like GOODBYE
im sick of this, im sick of that , i cant take it anymore ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

and then i was free!

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Posted by JoeJo



My parents have been seperated since i was 2 only recently divorced(long story)...but i actually have NEVER met my dad ever...he has made no effort..its ridiculous..But i dont know any better...I didnt grow up with him so i dont what it is like to have a father around.

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awww

i don't take divorce lightly... i just think its better for someone to be happy then stay miserable. I have seen parents that hate each other stay together for their children's sake... I don't see how they could possibly think staying together... living in a hostile environment is better for the kids then putting them through a divorce. If you ask me it is much worse.

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i agree with you on that

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Posted by Lucky0510

i think nowadays people realize they don't have to suffer through a terrible relationship. people change. they can change for the better or worse. unfortunately... sometimes the worse is just unbearable. in the past - it was socially unacceptable to divorce. so people lived in misery.

i know almost everyone will think i am wrong but...i think divorce is a great thing. it's a second chance for people to be happy. you can only put so much into a relationship before realizing that it just won't work... it could be all sorts or reasons or just one reason.

i don't take divorce lightly... i just think its better for someone to be happy then stay miserable. I have seen parents that hate each other stay together for their children's sake... I don't see how they could possibly think staying together... living in a hostile environment is better for the kids then putting them through a divorce. If you ask me it is much worse.

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very good point! people say that nowadays divorce is so high and whats wrong with people now. But your point explains it all and i truly believe it. Back in the days people stayed together even when they were miserable, its just the way it was. Now that divorce is more acceptable people feel they have the choice to leave rather than stay in an unhappy marraige. I agree with it though. I honestly thought my mom should've left earlier, it really bothered me to see her going through what she did and deal with what she did. I love my dad with all my heart and he has been the greatest father BUT as a husband he is not great lol and very hard to deal with. I give her so much credit for sticking it out so long, i was proud to see her stand up for herself like that and not take it anymore. I am also glad to not see them fight like that anymore, its so true that when a child has to sit there and deal with that and hear the fights and hear them insult eachother and put eachother down, it really doesn't help.