How come for the most part, FH's parents contribute very little or nothing at all? I know some FIL are very generous, but from what I hear most are not really giving much. I thought we are living in the 21st century? Why are they still living with the notion that the grooms parents don't pay for the wedding? It ticks me off.
Mariec
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
We are attempting to pay for everything.. Just for the simple fact that we don't want people to have a say in the matter.. My dad has offered.. But we declined.. He is throwing us an e-party.. And my mom is buying my dress... However I know they are going to give us a heavy gift that will cover most if not all our expenses for our wedding.
As for the FIL they are suppose to pay for flowers and rehearsal dinner.. That is what I hear is etiquette.. And I think maybe the honeymoon as well.. But my FIL aren't paying for any of that either. But like I said the less people pay the less say they have.. that is how we feel anyway.
Blu-ize
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
I hear ya girl, but your parents need to keep that in check. If they want to contribute, then great, they can't expect your FILs to cough up the same if they won't or don't want to. Same goes for the other way around if your FILs were paying...some brides on here have the opposite issue..
Hang in there..tell your parents that it's out of your control. -------->me (not trying to antagonize)
july06bride
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
just adding, that for some parents helping their children plan that one day is enjoyment, i am grateful for my parents and in laws contributing so much, and when i tell my mom that she is spending too much, or they dont have to pay the tips or whatever they are thinking of at that ,moment, they answer, we have saved since you were little to give you a wedding and thats what we are going to do... my parents are not loaded, but i know that giving their only child/and daughter a wedding truly is making them happy
Jan05Bride
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
Posted by july06bride
just adding, that for some parents helping their children plan that one day is enjoyment, i am grateful for my parents and in laws contributing so much, and when i tell my mom that she is spending too much, or they dont have to pay the tips or whatever they are thinking of at that ,moment, they answer, we have saved since you were little to give you a wedding and thats what we are going to do... my parents are not loaded, but i know that giving their only child/and daughter a wedding truly is making them happy
I 100% agree with you. It's wonderful when people are so generous. I have a problem with girls (and guys) that 'expect' $$$$$. Like Blu-ize said, you cannot fault one side for not contributing the same amount or any amount. Not all people believe in that and the anger that I see (not specifically in this post, but many many others) is a little crazy to me. DH & I didn't believe in having someone else pay for our grand plans. There are so many other important things in your life, do you really want to start your relationship with your new family off with ill-feelings? Don't Expect any gifts and Accept any gifts graciously and move on.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
I wish I could delete this post.. that I had never started it.
Jan05Bride
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
I wish I could delete this post.. that I had never started it.
Why? You have a right to feel the way you do. And so do I .. it makes us alllll different!
Jennie0898
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
How come for the most part, FH's parents contribute very little or nothing at all? I know some FIL are very generous, but from what I hear most are not really giving much. I thought we are living in the 21st century? Why are they still living with the notion that the grooms parents don't pay for the wedding? It ticks me off.
Girl, you are preaching to the choir!!! I am with you 100%. FI and I are paying for some things but my parents are paying for everything else. They are laying out so much money it's incredibly generous. Meanwhile, his parents haven't laid out a dime!! For our e-party (which MY parents gave us) his parents gave us $100!! I had friends give us more!! One actually gave us $400!!! Can you believe it?! Oh well, what are you gonna do? It is what it is. Right??
Jennie0898
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
I understand when parents are just not in the position to offer a hand but when you know they can and they don't - that's just bothersome.
Jennie0898
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
Posted by 103005FallBride
Posted by Blu-ize
Curious to know why some people expect anyone to pay anything? It's your wedding. If you can't afford it, then do with what you have? Sorry to vent, but some posters have to realize that people will do what they want with their money.
That being said, it's ludicrous the amount of money it costs to have a wedding in New York, but if that's what you want, find a way to pay for it.
Some parents don't have the money or need it for some other reason and cannot contribute as much as they would like, or may think that it's not their responsibility. (Or are being cheap)-whatever the reason...
Ladies, if you and your FH are lucky to have help, then be greatful. That's all I'm saying.
I totally see where you're coming from and believe me; I truly appreciate the fact that my parents are contributing as much as they are. If they weren't we might as well have eloped. But having said that, I find it difficult to deal with other people's opinions when they aren't contributing a dime towards our big day.
Jennie0898
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Re: spinoff to who is paying
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
Posted by Blu-ize
Curious to know why some people expect anyone to pay anything? It's your wedding. If you can't afford it, then do with what you have? Sorry to vent, but some posters have to realize that people will do what they want with their money.
That being said, it's ludicrous the amount of money it costs to have a wedding in New York, but if that's what you want, find a way to pay for it.
Some parents don't have the money or need it for some other reason and cannot contribute as much as they would like, or may think that it's not their responsibility. (Or are being cheap)-whatever the reason...
Ladies, if you and your FH are lucky to have help, then be greatful. That's all I'm saying.
I
Ok, waiting for you to throw things at me now...
Its not that I am expecting anyone to pay for anything, its just the fact that this anitquated notion still exists that its the bride's parents responsibility to pay for the wedding. If they can't afford it thats fine.. the thing that bothers me is that they are not because they thing its not their responsibility, or something like that. I am having an issue trying to explain what I am trying to say, but do you know what I mean? Believe me, I am not looking for handouts. I feel bad everytime my parents offer to pay for something. I guess I am getting some of this from my mom who is very annoyed that FIL's arent offering to contribute. Thats all.
I did not mean to start an arguement... just trying to get out some frusration, I have had a very tough few days...
As I said before, you are entitled to your opinion, just realize not everyone is going to agree. Personally, I do understand your frustration others may not. No harm no foul. But I don't think you started an arguement. Don't sweat it. If you need to vent, we're here for you.
