How do you feel about only children? Part of me thinks I might be very happy with just one, but then I worry about depriving my kid of a sibling. A woman I used to work with who was an only once made reference to being lonely as an adult (even though she had friends) because she had no siblings.
Also, and I know this is morbid, what if you have only one child and he or she dies? (I remember seeing a fictional tv show where an a man lost his adult daughter, and he expressed regret about only having 1 child.)
Thoughts?
JimmysBride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Posted by Stefanie
Posted by 1017Bride
I think I have to see how it is after having the first.
Well said....I'll let you know in June if I WANT to squeeze another kid out!
OOOhhh... same here!! I'm really unsure about this sibling thing. I have a brother and yes I think it's great to have a sibling growing up and in the later years BUT... if it's not right for the parents - it's not right for the child. And that is NOT selfish. Meaning, I've seen marriages fall apart literally because of the 2nd or 3rd child... it was too much for the couple to handle and it brought on alot of negativity. And divorce is not good for kids either.
To be honest, the first thing that crossed my mind when I found out I was PG was 'omg, I am getting my tubes tied the second I give birth!' (That was the panic phase ) But now DH is saying no way we can only have one.... really really really we'll have to WAIT and SEE.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I would not want to have only one child. My friends joke around about our other friends who have OCS. Only child syndrome. I think competition is healthy for kids. Having a sibling to compete with is important. Otherwise they tend to think they always can have everything their way. JMO though, I don't want to offend anyone.
1017Bride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Thanks Stefanie. Best of luck!!
1017Bride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I think that a healthy and happy family depends on the happiness and well being of all those in it. It may be nice to have a few kids but if its too stressful, everyone is going to suffer due to the stress and difficulties unfortunately.
emilain
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I'm an only child, but I had uncles and aunts and cousins who were very close in age to me so I felt like I had the best of both worlds. I could have my siblings during the day and when we got on each other;s nerves I could go home with Mom and Dad and have my own time with them. I decided to have a larger family since my kid's really don't have cousins, aunts, or uncles close to their age, so I want them to experience the comraderie. Personally I loved being an only child, I am closer with my aunts, uncles and couins than most people I know who have siblings.
Chloegirl
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I am an only child only because my parents tried and couldn't have another. I always had friends around so was never lonely growing up.
However, all my family lived relatively far so it was just me and my dad for a long time. A few years ago he passed away....and I wish I had a sibling who could have helped at that time and who really understood me and my feelings.
I think now, because I have no siblings and no parents, I am a little lonely and would really like to have two kids.
Janice
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I am the oldest of 7, so I have no idea what that life is like...I had a friend in high school who was an only child, and he died in a car accident in 11th grade. The night of the graduation my mother ran into his mom putting flowers on the crash site, and his mom just constantly said, she is childless, now. No grandkids ever, no weddings, no graduation..nothing. so I want 4, DH says 2
MrsTC
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I was an only child for 8 years until my sister was born and I was so lonely We got along great when she was born but given the age difference we have a generation gap....I told my DH that I would like to have at least 2 or 3 kids and they should be 2 or 3 years apart!
ETA I want 3 kids so the 3rd can be the buffer! Since there was only me and my sister even though we mostly got along, we fought a lot too and put so much energy into torturing the other!
swags1016
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I have a weird perspective on this.
I have a brother but when my parents were divorced we were split up. He went to live with my father and I with my mother. We were in the same town, same school (we are 2 years apart) but had no connection. My father turned him against my mother and they didn't see each other and I wasn't too thrilled with my father too say the least so we rarely saw each other outside of school. It was pretty sad. We are closer now but he lives in Az so we don't see each other often.
It was weird to know that I had a brother but did not have that sibiling companionship growing up. I have a ton of only child traits but I also have a lot of the oldest child traits.
I think it's nice if you can have 2 kids, but it's not so bad to be an only child.
frosty
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I am an only child. I was very sickly as a child, and my parents decided not to have any additional children.
I never felt 'lonely.' I had lots of cousins close in age and I was very close to them. With my mother having such a large family, I never felt like I was missing anything.
As a child, I did spend some time alone. But I liked it. As an adult, I still need 'me' time away from other people. I was comfortable being by myself. Being alone is not equal to being lonely.
Of course my FH (the youngest of five) doesn't understand that. He is the type of person that always wants lots of people around because that is what he was used to.
I don't think an only child will be lonely if he/she has supportive, loving parents who enjoy spending time with their child, but also allow them the freedom to pursue their interests. As a child, I LOVED to read, so I spent lots of time in my room doing just that.
I would say probably the only disadvantage (for me) of being an only child is that I am shy. I think if I had siblings, I probably wouldn't be as shy as I am.
tracyg
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I am an only child. My parents marriage was falling apart when I was very young so that's why they didn't have any more. Then when my mom and stepdad married, they just didn't want any more. He had two kids. But my mom just didn't want to have any more either. She just wasn't THAT maternal. I didn't think it was selfish. I wish I did have siblings. I'd would definitely have more than one child because i think it's important to have a big family. Like lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. My kids will not have any cousins on my side, and that's really sad.
And I have to say, I was never spoiled! My dad sometimes spoiled me a little, but my mom did not at all. I always had to pull my weight around the house. My dad spoils me more now because he says it's 'divorced absentee father guilt' and I should take advantage of it.
StepherG
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
It's easy to say 'oh, I want to have 2-3 (or whatever amount) of children'...but being PG right now throws a different spin on it. I'd like to have more, but I just want to see how it goes with #1. We're not sure that living on LI that we'll be able to afford a #2....we recently had this discussion and decided to take one day at a time and see how it goes.
I think having a sibling is a wonderful thing..but what about quality of life? Not for me and DH but for the kids...
tracyg
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Posted by StepherG
It's easy to say 'oh, I want to have 2-3 (or whatever amount) of children'...but being PG right now throws a different spin on it. I'd like to have more, but I just want to see how it goes with #1. We're not sure that living on LI that we'll be able to afford a #2....we recently had this discussion and decided to take one day at a time and see how it goes.
I think having a sibling is a wonderful thing..but what about quality of life? Not for me and DH but for the kids...
That's why we're leaving NY.
Kate07
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I'm kinf of surprised about the remark about having 1 child is selfish. I think having any children is such a selfless act. I am an only child. My mother had me in her mid 30s. She had no problems getting pregnant so I'm sure she could have again but I was quite a handful as a toddler. I think my parents just decided they were happy with 1. I know my mother says she feels guilt over not having another child to give me a sibling - and despite there being some lonely times - I had a wonderful childhood, although I was not spoiled (I remember begging for nintendo - no such luck ) - I think my parents raised me well (other moms used to ask my mom what she did to raise such a polite and pleasant child - and that they wished their kids could be more like me). I have wonderful cousins and great friends. Sometimes I wish I had a sibling because I am constantly being paid attention to by both my parents (sometimes a little too much), and I used to always worry about disappointing them because if I ever messed up in school or any other realm of life- I was the only child they had - so I always was playing by the rules.
I'm not sure how many kids I will have - I'll be thankful how every many I'm blessed with. And I'm thankful for my parents and what a wonderful life they gave me.
Oh, and I have to say, I do agree with others, I too am quite shy. Maybe that is an only-child thing.
Goldi1021
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I would rather have one child and give them everything than have 2 or more and have to scrape by. Besides, I wont start having children until I am 36. I am 34 now - will be 35 when I get married. Assuming I conceive immediately, I'd have to be baby factory to have more than one safely. Family history issues. I would never consider having one child as selfish. People do what they can do.
Rainmama
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
We have one now and we are DONE.
I see my friends who have more than one struggling, having to hire nannies or put their kids in daycare just to get some peace and quiet. Heck, I work as a nanny for a stay-at-home mom just because her kids drive her bonkers.
I love children and I LOVED everything about being pregnant to raising an infant, but I don't want to go through it all again. I like the fact that my daughter is getting older and more independent. I like only having to get one child ready to leave the house. I like that I can finally fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again. Just thinking about being pregnant and raising another baby exhausts me. And I don't think I'm depriving my child anything by not giving her a sibling. She has mommy and daddy all to herself now. She gets our undivided attention. Not to mention the financial aspect of raising children....I don't want Maiah to struggle like my family did growing up.
