How do you feel about only children? Part of me thinks I might be very happy with just one, but then I worry about depriving my kid of a sibling. A woman I used to work with who was an only once made reference to being lonely as an adult (even though she had friends) because she had no siblings.
Also, and I know this is morbid, what if you have only one child and he or she dies? (I remember seeing a fictional tv show where an a man lost his adult daughter, and he expressed regret about only having 1 child.)
Thoughts?
1017Bride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I know my DH who is an only chilld regrets not having a sibling but generally he had a very happy childhood. I have to think what is better for all of us in the long run.
mrswask
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
THe only people I know who were only children were because their parents couldn't have any more kids. I know this post has the potential to start drama but IMO, it is selfish to intentionally have just one child. A lot of the only children I knew were lonely and in many ways, spoiled to death!! I think it's important for children to have siblings, even if it's only one. If I do ever decide I want kids, it would be two - G-d willing.
TracyInQueens
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Yes, it seems anecdotally anyway that only children tend to be more well adjusted high achievers. I know I used to wish I was an only child but now I am glad to have my brothers and SILs.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I would never want just one. I think it is too much pressure and attention on the one child. I want two, preferably a girl and then a boy, 3 years apart, the girl older. God willing of course.
julz33
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I would not want to have an only child. I have such great memories with me and my brother and sister growing up Now, we can count on eachother for anything.. even though my sister is a bit lazy at times! I can't imagine growing up alone, I would want my kids to have the same kind of childhood I had.
1017Bride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I think I have to see how it is after having the first.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Posted by TracyInQueens
Yes, it seems anecdotally anyway that only children tend to be more well adjusted high achievers.
I don't think that is true. My brother and I were always competitive with one another, and I think that made us both more driven. Actually he was older so maybe I was the only one that felt that way, but he certainly set a high standard to live up to. I worked as a counselor at a pre-college program for 4 summers and found that only children were less well-adjusted from never having to share as much, or live with another child they had to share attention with.
btrflygrl
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
we are advocates for siblings as well....I am 1 of 2, I love my sister and DH has 2 older sisters. The only way I'd think of an only child is if it was a special needs child.
Moehick
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I would also want more than one if I was able to. It would be sad to deprieve a child of that sibling relationship.
Of course if one is all you can have thats fine, but if you can have more I think it is nice to have at least 2.
peabody
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Posted by mrswask
THe only people I know who were only children were because their parents couldn't have any more kids. I know this post has the potential to start drama but IMO, it is selfish to intentionally have just one child. A lot of the only children I knew were lonely and in many ways, spoiled to death!! I think it's important for children to have siblings, even if it's only one. If I do ever decide I want kids, it would be two - G-d willing.
I totally understand where you are coming from.
Both my parents are an only child. And both always wanted another sibling, I guess that's why they had three.
But, for me personally, I kinda want one, but I don't think I could do that. I know how my parents felt and I do feel if we can physically and financially we should have 2.
Kris
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I am an only child. I do not think my parents were 'selfish' as the pp stated. They could not afford to have more children, so IMO they were totally UNSELFISH, even though they wanted more children, they did not want us to struggle.
That being said, it was very lonely growing up an only child. It really hit home when my dad died when I was 18, there was NO ONE to relate to. My mom lost her husband, not her father. That was really hard to go through 'alone'.
Now, yes there were times that it was great being an only, you never have to share anything, or either of your parents. I was also the only grandchild for 10 years, so I was doted on all over the place.
But, now as an adult, I really wish I had a sibling, esp. a sister to feel close to.
Just my $.02
Sasha96
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I agree with Kris as I am an only child too. I wish I had a sibling more now than when I was younger but I wanted one then too. I lost my father when I was 25 and can relate to what Kris said. Should I be able to, I would like to have more than one child, preferably two children. Everyone has to do what is right for themselves and everyone's sitatuation is different. I know my parents situation dictated a lot of that for them.
Sunny
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I want to have 2. I have said I would be happy with one but feel each child should have a sibling.
I love having brothers. I also think ( I know this is a horrible thought) one day when Dh and I are dead I don't want my child to be without family. I see how happy it makes my mom that my brothers and I are so close.
jantany26
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I definitely want one more. I want Alia to have a brother if we are lucky enough to have a boy.
Stefanie
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Posted by 1017Bride
I think I have to see how it is after having the first.
Well said....I'll let you know in June if I WANT to squeeze another kid out!
marymoon
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I don't know. I think only children ARE lonlier. I have a sister, she's much older than I am, but we did get to play together, even though there was a lot of rivalry there. I think having a sibling helps you to learnt o socialize, ro in my case, learn how to fight! LOL
I think it's sort of ideal to have more than one child! I would have 6 if I could afford it!
ETA: I wanted to add something about the affording it angle. My parents could BARELY afford 2 kids. Some would say they couldn't afford 2 kids. We went on one vacation EVER, we didn't have everything we wanted, I had no college fund, etc. If my parents had only one child...well it would have been my sister, but I want to say that given the choice, I'd rather have a sister than the trips to disneyworld I always wanted, etc.
Shorty McBride
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
I think kids are like chips....can't stop at 1!!!!
christy
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
Well I am not an only child, so I cant speak from experience. But my brother and sister are 5 and 10 years younger. I know when I have kids I would like it to be more than one, so they can develop a relationship. It took years for bonds to form with me and my siblings...we had nothing in common due to age. We are just getting close now. So, I would say I would like to have more than one child, and close in age if at all possible. No more than 3 years...
cocoa
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Re: Spinoof to Having Children Question/Only Children
the plusses of being an only...my mom and i were a team. i was an only b/c my parents were divorced and when my mom and stepdad got remarried, he was 'fixed'. i don't want to have 1 or even 2. i'd want 3 all spaced apart.
i have siblings now but they are either 10 years older and were out of the house by the time i arrived or are 25 years younger. i don't have someone who 'knows' me like dh has or even how my stepsisters do. even my half sister will be getting a brother. i wish i had that.
