Brides Helping Brides ™ - Splitting the Holidays

AHimar24 Posted: Nov 12, 2007 11:10 PM

Splitting the Holidays

So this is our first holiday engaged, and I'm starting to have anxiety over separating from my family. I have a huge family where we ALL get together on holidays, all my aunts, uncles and cousins and have a blast. Where as FH has a big family they don't celebrate holidays together. Thanksgiving for his family is just turkey and soup at his house with his parents and sister and sisters FH. They'll eat as if it's any other day and go on as usual. I know it's selfish, but I really just want to be with my family. But he feels bad leaving his family. Help

FuTuRe MrS MaZz Posted: Nov 12, 2007 11:20 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

my 1st question that popped into my head was... you must have dealt with this the years you were dating... why is it just poppin up now that your engaged?

2ndly, life with a hubby is all about making sacrifices/compromises... so decide what holidays are more important to each of u and split them up that way

AHimar24 Posted: Nov 12, 2007 11:22 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Over the years we just kept things simple and always had dinner with our own families, and then since his family would never do anything after dinner he would just come to where ever I was

bluegreen08 Posted: Nov 12, 2007 11:26 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Do your families live near eachother? What if your family invited his family (since it's such a small group) over for thanksgiving? you're about to be family soon anyway, and it might be a great way to keep with the big elaborate thanksgiving you are used to but let FH spend the holidays with his family too!

I wish we could do that but FH's family and my family live 1000 miles away. Thanksgiving is the big holiday for my family though (we host), so FH will be coming with me for thanksgiving for the first time! (most of the years when we were dating he had to travel for college sports stuff, so he couldnt come)

I think I'm going to spend xmas with his family since I'm Jewish and his whole extended family goes out to his grandparents place for the weekend/xmas eve/xmas... (my family has xmas traditions too... volunteering in the AM, then movies & chinese, but in the scheme of things its more impt for me to go with FH)

jtgarsik Posted: Nov 13, 2007 01:02 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

while DH & i were dating we split up the day...we'd do dinner at one, dessert at another. I totally hear you about ur family....mine is the same way...it's huge, we're all super close, and we have so much fun...however getting married is about compromise..and this is one of them. u hafta remember that 1) (and i could be wrong)his family is just as important to him as yours is to you...and 2) His family is your family now! and that's a good thing! The closer u get to them(holidays and such) the more fun & more 'at home' u'll feel...who knows - maybe you can be the one to bring the tradition of going a little bigger on the holidays!

i know it's hard, but honestly, I promise u get used to it. the year we were engaged up untill now we've split the holidays completely..it's so much easier & so much more enjoyable...we do Thanksgiving with mine, X-mas eve (they're HUGE with x-mas eve) with his, X-mas day with mine, easter with his (and then we usually swing by my family's later on 'cause they hang out late and are on our way home)...like i said..u could split the day dinner at one, dessert at the other - but it gets really tough and honestly i really enjoy spending the WHOLE day with my family, or the WHOLE day with his. It gets easier with time as with any other adjustment

Jumbles Posted: Nov 13, 2007 09:17 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

one suggestion is invite his family to have dinner with yours.... another is find a fair way to split the holidays ... ours is thanksgiving is with my family ...christmas eve is with FH 's family... christmas day used to be early day with mine and desert and gifts at FH's grandma's house w/ his mom's side ...it worked for a few years but it really wasnt fair to my family so now it's all day christmas with my family and breakfast w/ his grandma ..and easter with FH's side ...you have to compromise and do what works for both of you

Mici n KC Posted: Nov 13, 2007 09:31 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

my 1st question that popped into my head was... you must have dealt with this the years you were dating... why is it just poppin up now that your engaged?

Not everyone does this. FH and I didn't really do it much because his family splits certain holidays too.

missexcited Posted: Nov 13, 2007 09:34 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Well since it sounds like a big celebration at your house. If FH's family isn't that big why don't Fh's family go to your family for the holidays?

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Nov 13, 2007 09:59 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

I feel your pain. Holidays are like MAJOR with my family, but not with his. BUT he feels like we should be with both families. Problem is: we usually celebrate 3 hours from his house in PA. So we're working on it. We haven't celebrated any holidays together yet, since we just started dating in June. I see a lot of traveling and traffic in my future...

colleen1117 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 10:15 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

oh I'm so glad someone posted this. I'm a bit of the reverse as I'm from a small IMMEDIATE family...just me and my mom now FH has an immediate fam of 10 i think...on top of this, my mom is not close by. its a plain ride. so this year for the first time we are splitting. we made plans forever ago to go to my moms for turkeyday and THEN have my mom come down here and do christmas with us and his family (remember its just me and her) Selfishly, this worked out well for 'my side' as we wouldn't be apart number 1...but number 2, it just never even was an option in my head that my mother would spend EITHER holiday alone. so we get it all going, my mom drops a bomb on me with 'i don't think i'm going to come down there for Christmas'.....At the end of the day I know she's trying to do what's 'Normal' she said that we have to get used to not having some holidays together and made the point that his family isn't going to come with him for thanksgiving at my moms house. Touche to that...i think she's worried that she is a burden or something....well, and the timing of christmas in the middle of the week this year isn't helping either....anyway. thats my holiday woah. i just can't imagine not having my mom on christmas. yes our mornings aren't raukus with people running everywhere (and yes, i love the idea of the busy crazy christmas morning) ours are quiet and we take our time opening gifts listen to music...sneak in sweets as our 'breakfast' even though i love the idea of new traditions...i can't imagine not having them with her :( on the reverse, FH jokes that he thinks we have Chinese for thanksgiving because its just the two of us...poor thing. he's in for a shock with the lack of a million people running around...but we'll still have fun

MRSin2009 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 10:29 AM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Luckily my FH's family all lives in Greece so we do not have this problem. I know my sister and her FH have to split there time. Before they were engaged she would have dinner with us and he would have dinner with his family. Now he is having dinner with us and I believe dessert with his family.

For Chistmas they open gifts with us then they open gifts with his family and she had dinner with his family.

AHimar24 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 04:54 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Posted by Danigirl1234

Luckily my FH's family all lives in Greece so we do not have this problem. I know my sister and her FH have to split there time. Before they were engaged she would have dinner with us and he would have dinner with his family. Now he is having dinner with us and I believe dessert with his family.

For Chistmas they open gifts with us then they open gifts with his family and she had dinner with his family.

I was telling my koumbara that she's so lucky how her in-laws are in Greece, so she'll never have to deal with this .. . . I'm so jealous

SparklingBride10 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 05:01 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

we alternate holidays, whichever one we spend with his family, the next we spend then with my family.

gettinghizitched Posted: Nov 13, 2007 05:07 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

We try to do dinner twice but i always feel like i'm missing something at my house when i'm not there. Its hard but it's only two times a year.

Cacarina Posted: Nov 13, 2007 05:09 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Here is what we are doing. This year, FH reallly wants to spend Thanksgiving with his family, but I want to spend it with my family. The reason I want to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year is because both my bro & sis (who are married) are spending it with my family this year, so I want to be on the same alternating schedule as my bro and sis...we're all really close. So this year, FH and I are spending Thanksgiving apart. Next year, I'll go to his family, and the year after that with my family. Alternating each year.

As far as Xmas goes, I don't know. His mom is Jewish and his dad is Catholic. So I would prefer to spend Hannukkah with his fam, and Christmas with mine....we'll see.....

little34 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 06:24 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Why not ask his family to come to your house? If it is only a few people that would work perfectly....or maybe if they eat early you can have 2 dinners....that is what we do some years. My parents always ate earlier so would have a little something with my family then go to his house for a little something more.

xBrunette Posted: Nov 13, 2007 06:27 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

now i think we're going with my family... thanksgiving was lunch at his and dinner at mine... christmas i went with him to his family.. he stayed or he came back to mine.. this year xmas is going to be at my parents...

ratherbealeper Posted: Nov 13, 2007 09:25 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

ugh, i hate splitting holidays. DH's family is in OH and mine in NY. Last year we did t-giving at my in-laws and xmas @ my parents house. This year its reversed and I am totally freaked out about missing my first xmas ever... i am guessing it gets easier?

MattandTricia07 Posted: Nov 13, 2007 10:02 PM

Re: Splitting the Holidays

Holidays can be so stressful when it comes down to splitting them up with your future in-laws or in-laws.

We've been trying to split Thanksgiving where we go to one house first, then the other afterwards and then switch the order the following year. It's very hard and I don't like leaving my family either. Just as much as I think he doesn't like leaving his family either, but that is how it is to be fair.

For Christmas, we do Christmas Eve with my family and then Christmas day with his...after we are married though, I'm gonna have to stop by my house on Christmas morning too though.