STD Etiquette question!

I'm having a no kid wedding. The only kid that will be invited will be my cousin's stepdaughter, who will be 12 at the time, and will be our flower girl.

I am planning to ask my cousin (for permission) and the stepdaughter (to be my flower girl) before I send out the STDs, so her name will be on the envelope.

The problem is, they live in Texas. They also have a baby, who will be 3 when I get married, and as much as it will be great to see them, I don't want any kids except the flower girl at the wedding.

Is it rude to include my cousin, his wife and the stepdaughter's names on the STD, and not include the baby? Or should I speak with them beforehand?

I just don't want to insult anyone, but I can't make an exception for their kid just because they're traveling, because then we'd have to make exceptions for all the kids (which doesn't make it an exception anymore), and then we'd be adding close to 15 kids!!

STD Etiquette question!

I'd say when you call her to ask permission... talk to her and say 'I want (stepdaughter) to be in the wedding as our flowergirl but other than her we're really not inviting any children. I know (other kid) will be 3, so I'm sure traveling include her/him so if you'd like.. we can arrange for a sitter out here for the 3 year old with people we know and trust'

This is what I plan on doing for my Aunt who lives in AZ. I really want her at the wedding... but she has twins who will be about 7 at the time of our wedding... AND their birthday is the day before the wedding.


If she asks about also adding the 3 year old in the wedding as a flower girl/RB... just simply say 'Honestly our venue isn't a very appropriate place for children under 5 and we don't want anyone getting hurt or trampled by the drunk people'

And... if it makes you feel any better... if I were to invite children... I'd be looking at another THIRTY seats... and thats just on MY side. My damn friends and their reproducing.

STD Etiquette question!

That's a good idea! Thanks Katie! I know my aunt has a friend who lives here who would probably be willing to babysit, so I can talk to her also and make sure that can happen. Thanks!

STD Etiquette question!

No problem!! Maybe we really are wedding soulmates. lol we seem to have similar issues and want the same things for our wedding <3 <3

STD Etiquette question!

This is a tricky issue. The policy I used was if you were getting on a plane to come to the wedding, your kids were invited to the wedding. I was planning on hiring a sitter to be in the bridal suite to watch them during the festivities. Turned out, I didn't even need to worry about it because those people who traveled by air either left their kids at home or found a sitter here themselves.

STD Etiquette question!

This is a very touchy subject. I personally could never ask someone to bring one child and leave the other one home. I feel if people don't want to bring their children they won't, but being told they can't may leave for some hurt feelings. I don't really have advice on this since I am inviting children, especially those who are traveling from out of state. But I think you should be aware that there is a good chance for hurt feelings and that some people may not come because their children aren't invited. At the end of the day it is your wedding so you do what makes you happy. I would definitely speak to your cousin before you send the STD

STD Etiquette question!

Definitely speak to them beforehand. I'm not inviting children either, but the reason it will get tricky is that you're inviting one of their children but not the other. You'll want to make that clear to them (and make sure they're ok with it) before they get a save the date, which may be confusing. Just be prepared for them to not be ok with it... which could go either way.

STD Etiquette question!

Absolutely talk to them first and let them know how excited you will be to have their daughter in the bridal party. Then ask if they will be traveling with the baby and need help finding a sitter for the 3 year old during the service and reception. Frankly, they will have a much better time at the reception without the baby! It is way too long a day for a young child who needs naps etc..

STD Etiquette question!

This is a topic that hurt a lot of people's feelings in a (destination) wedding in my family last year. Not to tell you what to do! but you asked for opinions: If you can tolerate 1 kid at the wedding, I would invite the family and let them figure out what to do about childcare. I don't think any of the other guests would expect their children to also be invited.

STD Etiquette question!

I appreciate everyone's feedback!

It's not that I can 'tolerate' one kid but not more. It just happens that this child, who is almost 10 right now, is a child who needs little to no supervision. She enjoys hanging out with adults and acts accordingly. She won't need an adult following her around and definitely will not need a nap.

The problem with hurt feelings is unless I invite everyone with their kids, I'm going to end up hurting someone's feelings. And to invite all the kids, it's going to make my wedding turn into a romper room.

I will speak to my cousin before sending the STD. I just don't see it being as big of a deal as I'm making it in my head. Lol.