STD/B-List Question

We are really trying to keep our final guest count at a certain # (80 adults max), which means being very strict with the invites, but we have a 2nd string list of about 30 (some of which we would really love to have come, but there are obligations on list A). I think that 30 is quite a lot when we're trying to keep it as small as we are.

So, my questions are these:

a) Do you send STDs at all? What happens when someone on list A accidentally mentions the STD to someone on list B? Is it worth the risk?

b) If the answer to Question 'a' is yes, when do you send them? And if someone on list A says they can't come when they receive the STD, do you send them an invite anyway or move a B list person to the A list and send THEM a STD? This is all so political and confusing.

TIA

only send out save the dates to those you will absolutely be inviting...and send them out like a year in advance.

if someone says they can't make it....I would still send the invite anyway.

depends...let me give you an example....

there are a few of my mom's friends that are on both the A and B lists... I didn't send a save the date to any of them...so I can get away with 'I only sent it to family and bridal party).

See if you can swing soemthing like that so you don't get stuck in a pickle!

---

Posted by mellyrose

Thanks. What about the chance that a B-lister hears about the STD? Just brush it off?

---

I'm afraid of this myself!

---

Posted by CrazyLove11

depends...let me give you an example....

there are a few of my mom's friends that are on both the A and B lists... I didn't send a save the date to any of them...so I can get away with 'I only sent it to family and bridal party).

See if you can swing soemthing like that so you don't get stuck in a pickle!

---

oooh, good idea.

Thanks for all of the feedback girls!

---

Posted by J79

honestly, you're never going to please everyone. you're just not. I had a case where someone didn't get their STD even though I actually did send one and it got lost in the mail. She heard about it from someone else. You're never going to win. You can't stress about it!

---

very true
...you can always lie and just say hmmm it must have gotten lost in the mail!

---

Posted by mellyrose

---

Posted by CrazyLove11

depends...let me give you an example....

there are a few of my mom's friends that are on both the A and B lists... I didn't send a save the date to any of them...so I can get away with 'I only sent it to family and bridal party).

See if you can swing soemthing like that so you don't get stuck in a pickle!

---

oooh, good idea.

Thanks for all of the feedback girls!

---

you're welcome!

Oh, the OTHER thing that really freaks me out is FACEBOOK. Like, the idiot who goes and posts on my wall 'omg I got your save the date!!!'

And then it's followed with comments and messages like 'where's mine? wink wink' because people are just brainless when it comes to this stuff. When my status changed to 'engaged,' people I haven't spoken to or seen in YEARS were like 'I better be invited!' and it's like 'really, really??? Way to make it awkward on fb'

---

Posted by mellyrose

Oh, the OTHER thing that really freaks me out is FACEBOOK. Like, the idiot who goes and posts on my wall 'omg I got your save the date!!!'

And then it's followed with comments and messages like 'where's mine? wink wink' because people are just brainless when it comes to this stuff. When my status changed to 'engaged,' people I haven't spoken to or seen in YEARS were like 'I better be invited!' and it's like 'really, really??? Way to make it awkward on fb'

---

peoplewho lack the common sense to refrain from making a remark and putting you in an uncomfortable position don't deserve a response! Ignore it, don't respond, and let it be.... they'll get over it. Whent he wedding comes and goes and there ws no invite they'll get the hint. and if they get and invite, they'll feel stupid for saying something earlier.

---

Posted by CrazyLove11

---

Posted by mellyrose

Oh, the OTHER thing that really freaks me out is FACEBOOK. Like, the idiot who goes and posts on my wall 'omg I got your save the date!!!'

And then it's followed with comments and messages like 'where's mine? wink wink' because people are just brainless when it comes to this stuff. When my status changed to 'engaged,' people I haven't spoken to or seen in YEARS were like 'I better be invited!' and it's like 'really, really??? Way to make it awkward on fb'

---

peoplewho lack the common sense to refrain from making a remark and putting you in an uncomfortable position don't deserve a response! Ignore it, don't respond, and let it be.... they'll get over it. Whent he wedding comes and goes and there ws no invite they'll get the hint. and if they get and invite, they'll feel stupid for saying something earlier.

---

I know, most of the people who have said things so far are so irrelevant in my life, I could easily defriend them and it wouldn't even make a difference (old high school/camp friends...seriously, haven't seen them in 10+ years), but I'm just nervous about the people who ALMOST made the list and actually feel hurt and maybe don't say anything publicly but wonder why they weren't invited.

I am expecting, and hoping that they understand how expensive this crap is...we are financing this ourselves. I am just too sensitive to other people I guess.

---

Posted by CrazyLove11

---

Posted by J79

honestly, you're never going to please everyone. you're just not. I had a case where someone didn't get their STD even though I actually did send one and it got lost in the mail. She heard about it from someone else. You're never going to win. You can't stress about it!

---

very true
...you can always lie and just say hmmm it must have gotten lost in the mail!

---

haha, mine seriously did! i totally sent one. whatever! i'm over it....

---

Posted by sjr385

Just to note, you don't HAVE to send out save-the-dates. Plenty of girls don't, especially if they're hoping for a bunch of no's. For a guest list of 80 adults, you could probably just spread the word verbally.

---

very true!

---

Posted by sjr385

Just to note, you don't HAVE to send out save-the-dates. Plenty of girls don't, especially if they're hoping for a bunch of no's. For a guest list of 80 adults, you could probably just spread the word verbally.

---

True - maybe we'll just send them to the people we desperately WANT to come and the OOTers. haha

Thanks so much again for all of the input!!

---

Posted by mellyrose

Oh, the OTHER thing that really freaks me out is FACEBOOK. Like, the idiot who goes and posts on my wall 'omg I got your save the date!!!'

And then it's followed with comments and messages like 'where's mine? wink wink' because people are just brainless when it comes to this stuff. When my status changed to 'engaged,' people I haven't spoken to or seen in YEARS were like 'I better be invited!' and it's like 'really, really??? Way to make it awkward on fb'

---

i hate that!!!!!!! I get all the time - I can't wiat till your wedding!!! --- uhh... last i checked you weren't invited!
people come out of the woodworks