Stepmother problems

First she said she wasn't bringing my sister who would be 8 months old because she didn't want to be bothered w/ a crying baby. I said just bring my sister for the family pictures which will be taken before the ceremony and have your sister pick her up. Now she says she's not going because she can't find anyone to babysit. I spoke w/ my father and he says she doen't want to go because my mother will be there. Hmmmm My mother is married w/ 2 kids one who happens to be 19, that would mean that my parents have not been together in over 20 years, so what's the problem? Any advice on how to handle this situation. Our relationship will be over if she does not come to our wedding, because I find it will be very disrespectful to our family especially my father and grandparents if she's not their to represent that side of the family.

Stepmother problems

Nicky, Can you talk to her and tell her how important it is for you to have her there - a one to one conversation, you and her! I'm not sure how close you are, but hopefully it will work! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! Cira

Stepmother problems

.

Left a few details out

My father also said to make sure if she comes to seat them far away from my bridal party (girls) because she does not like 3 of them. I always knew that because she was never friendly towards them when they came to the house, but let me bring a male friend over and she'll talk their ear off. We had a BBQ last year for the families to meet, well when my mother finally made it (from Maryland) she ran to the car so fast to get out of there my mother in law was asking her to please stay it was too early to leave. Never the less to say she didn't even meet my mother. I have talked to her and so has my father she has made up her mind. I can't see taking family pictures w/ my father and w/o her and my sister. It just isn't right!!

Father

How does your father feel about it. I feel bad for him as he will be without his wife which will be a little awkward. I hope she reconsiders for his sake and yours'.

Left a few details out

Wow - sounds like your stepmother is only considering herself and not yours or your father's feelings. I wonder if you might be better off without her there. I don't know how a person could be so unreasonable. Enjoy the day with your real mother and father. And hope that time may convince her otherwise. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this bull---- so close to your date.

If she does come....

Be sure to get some pictures of just you and your husband with your natural mother. My husband's mother was very concerned about getting pictures that included everyone and we ended up not getting any of us with her, that does not include her ex-husband. So now any family picture grouping that she could display has her ex-husband in the shot!

How unfair to you

It sounds to me that your stepmom is being very hurtful and childish. Have you thought of asking your Mom to call her. I know it sounds impossible but just think about it for one minute. If your Mom knows how important this is to you, she'll do it because she loves you. If she called and introduced herself and told your stepmom how important her being at the wedding is to you and that she thinks your entire family should be there maybe your stepmom would think twice about it. I think she feels like a third wheel or that she does not belong there. If she still says No. Have your dad bring the baby with him and ask a close friend to help with her and then drive her back home. Or your stepmom can bring her for photos and then leave if she prefers. You don't deserve this stress during such a happy time.

How unfair to you

You really need to think of what is going to be best for you and your FH. Are you going to be worried about her if she`s there? you do not need the extra stress and if she does not care enough about your feelings then you should not care that much about hers. This is your day and it should be carefree!! not to mention that she not only has a problem with your mother but also your friends- that`s too much to ask of you. Are you suppose to put your father at the other end of the room from you on your wedding day b/c of his wife?? my rehearsal dinner is going to be the first time my dad sees/meets my mom`s boyfriend. my parents are not offically divorced yet either. it has not been a pretty sight. my father and his family refused to attend my engagement party b/c my mom`s boyfriend was going to be there. that really hurt my feelings- but it was his choice- my mom was the one paying for the party and her boyfriend has been nothing but awesome to me- and my father choose not to be there- i was very upset but it was his choice and i did not want to ruin the whole day b/c he was being stubborn. as a matter of fact him and i talked yesterday about the wedding(9/28/01)- i expressed my feelings to him- that my mom and paul will be there and i want them there as much as i want him there. and that i need him to- no matter what- be on his best behavior for me- just for this one day and he said he would do it for me because he loves me and wants to be have the best day possible. if your stepmother can not do that for you- no matter what- then that is somebody who you do not want there to share your day with you. i know it hurts but you need to ask once with your true feelings and if she rejects them then you just have to let go. good luck and have as much fun as possible.