FH has family in Georgia. Originally we only had his aunt & uncle on our guest list. he doesn't see his cousins & he has alot of them. so last week his aunt sends him an email if they are invited to the wedding. so we have been mulling over this. i get home today & one of the cousins sent a setting of my fina china i was very surprised to say the least. so i guess i have to invited them now right?? i never met them & really don't want to start off on the wrong foot. its not going to really make difference with our headcount if they decide to come. alot of my OOT guests i know are most likely not coming.
My FMIL is adament that they not get invited because he never sees them. she really has no right to say that. FH parents are divorced & she won't have to deal with them.
I just would feel terrible not inviting them after getting a gift from them. they are family even though we probably won't see too often.
HELP!
Snick n Nick
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Re: Sticky Situation
hmm that is tricky! I would say if they sent a gift, I would invite them as long as you and FH aren't really opposed to it--it sounds as though you'd already been going back and forth on inviting them, so I would probably just invite them!
heathermatt
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Re: Sticky Situation
i think you should invite them...maybe this will start a new close relationship...someone always has to take a step to start things over again...I think the invite might help...
kristin597
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If it won't affect your head count then invite them. It seems that you are going to feel awful if you don't. Plus, as long as FMIL is not paying for the wedding (or at least the majority of it) she really has no say in who you invite.
shoegal68
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Re: Sticky Situation
i am not opposed to it. first i was worried about the headcount & how many our room can hold. i emailed our RH & we will be fine even if they do come.
FMIL just made sound like if you don't see them why invite them. i thought that was very nice of them to send a gift. especially the fine china was expensive.
shoegal68
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Posted by kristin597
If it won't affect your head count then invite them. It seems that you are going to feel awful if you don't. Plus, as long as FMIL is not paying for the wedding (or at least the majority of it) she really has no say in who you invite.
FMIL has helped with the photographer & DJ and helped me alot with the planning.. she is not paying for the RH at all.
she won't have to deal with them since she is divorced from FFIL. so what does she care if they get ticked off
kristin597
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by shoegal68
i am not opposed to it. first i was worried about the headcount & how many our room can hold. i emailed our RH & we will be fine even if they do come.
FMIL just made sound like if you don't see them why invite them. i thought that was very nice of them to send a gift. especially the fine china was expensive.
I understand where your FMIL is coming from. I for one do not want to be introducing myself to people at my wedding. However, it sounds like there wouldn't be any skin off your back if you jsut invited them.
kristin597
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by shoegal68
Posted by kristin597
If it won't affect your head count then invite them. It seems that you are going to feel awful if you don't. Plus, as long as FMIL is not paying for the wedding (or at least the majority of it) she really has no say in who you invite.
FMIL has helped with the photographer & DJ and helped me alot with the planning.. she is not paying for the RH at all.
she won't have to deal with them since she is divorced from FFIL. so what does she care if they get ticked off
I think that this decision is ultimately up to what your and FH's preferences are. If you don't want to invite people you don't know you certainly don't have to. These cousins may be assuming that they aren't invited, and that's why they sent you a gift prior to the wedding.
shoegal68
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by kristin597
Posted by shoegal68
Posted by kristin597
If it won't affect your head count then invite them. It seems that you are going to feel awful if you don't. Plus, as long as FMIL is not paying for the wedding (or at least the majority of it) she really has no say in who you invite.
FMIL has helped with the photographer & DJ and helped me alot with the planning.. she is not paying for the RH at all.
she won't have to deal with them since she is divorced from FFIL. so what does she care if they get ticked off
I think that this decision is ultimately up to what your and FH's preferences are. If you don't want to invite people you don't know you certainly don't have to. These cousins may be assuming that they aren't invited, and that's why they sent you a gift prior to the wedding.
thanks for all your feedback... much appreciated ! i will talk to FH when he wakes up. i really would like to meet them & want to start this marriage on the right foot. unfortunately, growing up my family was always fighting with this one. who isn't talking to who. i promised myself if i ever get married i wouldn't want to be like that.
thanks again
kristin597
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by shoegal68
Posted by kristin597
Posted by shoegal68
Posted by kristin597
If it won't affect your head count then invite them. It seems that you are going to feel awful if you don't. Plus, as long as FMIL is not paying for the wedding (or at least the majority of it) she really has no say in who you invite.
FMIL has helped with the photographer & DJ and helped me alot with the planning.. she is not paying for the RH at all.
she won't have to deal with them since she is divorced from FFIL. so what does she care if they get ticked off
I think that this decision is ultimately up to what your and FH's preferences are. If you don't want to invite people you don't know you certainly don't have to. These cousins may be assuming that they aren't invited, and that's why they sent you a gift prior to the wedding.
thanks for all your feedback... much appreciated ! i will talk to FH when he wakes up. i really would like to meet them & want to start this marriage on the right foot. unfortunately, growing up my family was always fighting with this one. who isn't talking to who. i promised myself if i ever get married i wouldn't want to be like that.
thanks again
No problem I hope everything works out. Keep us updated on what you decide!
Snick n Nick
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Re: Sticky Situation
good luck figuring it out! It seems like you have the best intentions, to start off having good relationships with family, and not letting other peoples' feelings towards them color your feelings! hope it works out!
shoegal68
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by Snick n Nick
good luck figuring it out! It seems like you have the best intentions, to start off having good relationships with family, and not letting other peoples' feelings towards them color your feelings! hope it works out!
thanks!! personally, i am just tired of stupid fights & people holding grudges... life if way too short !
watch FMIL getting mad at us for inviting them... ugh thats all i need. i hope not we have a pretty good relationship so far.
keep your fingers crossed !!
mRm2008
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Re: Sticky Situation
I guess you should invite them, that was a very sweet gesture in sending you such a nice gift. I have cousins around the country that I am inviting just as courtesy, I do not really think they are going to make the trip to the east coast to attend.
shoegal68
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Re: Sticky Situation
talked to FH & he agreed to invite them. i just finished putting their invitations together.
they will make up for my out of town guests not coming.
you know you really learn alot about people when you get married. do you believe my family in Italy would only come if i got married in the summer. specifically in August. i was like... ok i have to plan my wedding around your schedule... don't think so
anamaree77
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Re: Sticky Situation
Yea weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.......oh well! That's nice that you invited them, good call IMO.
shoegal68
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Posted by anamaree77
Yea weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.......oh well! That's nice that you invited them, good call IMO.
yeah i'm glad i made that decision. my FH doesn't think they will come. oh well if they come .. great. if not .. oh well. i am still very touched by the beautiful gift. hopefully i will meet them someday.
MrsK2008
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Re: Sticky Situation
when I find out a family member has a baby, is getting married or engaged I ALWAYS send a gift!!
I never do it with anticipation of being invited to a wedding, or a party.
Do what you want, but do not oblige yourself to an invitation just because you received a gift. Especially if you are estranged.
Right now, you are only guessing they want to come. You don't really know...
Sunset Renee
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Re: Sticky Situation
I say if YOU want to invite them...then invite them. Really, you are NOT OBLIGATED to invite them in light of the gift - I think it's kind of pushy - especially if they knew that they had to ask if they were invited...There could be some hidden family drama there, I don't know if I would push my FMIL with inviting them. It IS your decision though - do what YOU want - not what everyone else wants!!
Emily08
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Re: Sticky Situation
Posted by shoegal68
Posted by anamaree77
Yea weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.......oh well! That's nice that you invited them, good call IMO.
yeah i'm glad i made that decision. my FH doesn't think they will come. oh well if they come .. great. if not .. oh well. i am still very touched by the beautiful gift. hopefully i will meet them someday.
Good for you.. don't be swayed by your FMIL from doing what you think deep down is right. And that was definitely a very nice gesture to send you guys a gift! I would be touched too. Hoepfully they will come so that you can meet them!
