Stressed

Original post by scottsbride

Jul 25, 2012 04:16 PM

My dream when I thought of my wedding was the doors of the church opening and walking down the aisle with my dad however the Catholic Church is giving us a very hard time. My FH is divorced and they want him to get an annulment. The problem with this is that it could take up to 18 months and my wedding is in 12 months. Im very upset since not only would this cost us about 500.00 to get the annulment but neither my FH or his x wife were Catholic nor did they have a Catholic ceremony. On top of that we will already be legally married. This bothers me for two reasons: 1. this is the only thing i really care about for my wedding and 2.after everything i was taught about my religion it is all a bunch of junk to put it nicely. I have been taught that everyone is welcome in Jesus house but now that we want to get married theres all this red tape. It also makes me upset because I know Jesus loves us and if he was standing at the doors of the church he would welcome us both with open arms. I just feel like Im going to have to give up my dream and although I know that we can still have a nice ceremony somewhere else it still is upsetting to me. I feel like its just about the money. Thanks for reading.

scottsbride Posted: Jul 26, 2012 08:20 AM

Stressed

Plus instead of it being 500.00 it is actually 1200.00 just for the annulment, then an additional 600.00 for the church fee and another 250.00 for the cantor......what do I look like Rockefeller lol

Noelle2013 Posted: Jul 26, 2012 09:30 AM

Re: Stressed

Posted by scottsbride

Plus instead of it being 500.00 it is actually 1200.00 just for the annulment, then an additional 600.00 for the church fee and another 250.00 for the cantor......what do I look like Rockefeller lol

I can't believe how much!!!!!!

jassy119 Posted: Jul 26, 2012 09:57 AM

Stressed

So sad.. this is why 'religion' bothers me and I consider myself spiritual. All these rules and you can do this or this has to be done that way is ridiculous to me. So sorry u are going through such stress with this. If your dream is to be married in a church then I would def check other churches. Doesnt hurt to find out if it will be the same elsewhere.

youmewe Posted: Jul 26, 2012 11:29 AM

Re: Stressed

Posted by scottsbride

Plus instead of it being 500.00 it is actually 1200.00 just for the annulment, then an additional 600.00 for the church fee and another 250.00 for the cantor......what do I look like Rockefeller lol

This is CRAZY!!!

Noelle2013 Posted: Jul 26, 2012 12:12 PM

Re: Stressed

Just spoke to my priest. He said for me it won't be an issue as long as Fh files for a decree of nullity which he said takes about a month and he thinks its only $50 processing fee! He just made my day. I have been so upset since last night thinking that we won't be able to get married in my church that I grew up in.

You should def. see if this is an option for you!!!!!

scottsbride Posted: Jul 26, 2012 12:25 PM

Stressed

Ok I called my deacon and he said we have to fill out all this paperwork before we even know if we qualify for that. Can you tell me the name of your church so that I can call them please.

Noelle2013 Posted: Jul 26, 2012 12:30 PM

Re: Stressed

Posted by scottsbride

Ok I called my deacon and he said we have to fill out all this paperwork before we even know if we qualify for that. Can you tell me the name of your church so that I can call them please.

http://home.catholicweb.com/stignatiusmartyr/

Let me know what happens..crossing my fingers for you!

Karin Posted: Jul 26, 2012 12:40 PM

Stressed

Yes! I was just about to encourage you to double check because I only had to get a nullification for my first marriage which did not take place in a Catholic church, I did not marry a Catholic although I AM Catholic. It only costs about $50 and took a month. (Just what you heard from your priest!) I got it through my parish in the City but we are getting married at a Catholic Church in Floral Park. Glad it all worked out!!

Noelle2013 Posted: Jul 26, 2012 12:40 PM

Re: Stressed

Posted by Karin

Yes! I was just about to encourage you to double check because I only had to get a nullification for my first marriage which did not take place in a Catholic church, I did not marry a Catholic although I AM Catholic. It only costs about $50 and took a month. (Just what you heard from your priest!) I got it through my parish in the City but we are getting married at a Catholic Church in Floral Park. Glad it all worked out!!

scottsbride Posted: Jul 26, 2012 03:03 PM

Stressed

I called and unfortunately we cant go that route because FH was not Catholic at the time of his first marriage.

McC2McM Posted: Aug 30, 2012 08:24 AM

Stressed

Girls please forgive me but this is my opinion. If you're getting married in a Roman Catholic Church, you're essentially saying you are a practicing Catholic *with all that entails*. If your dream about getting married in a church is about the environment then any Christian church should do. It's kind of like 'their house - their rules.'

The cost of an annulment is not out of line when you stop to consider how much goes in to the process and how many people are involved. Each diocese has paid tribunal lawyers on staff who review each and every petition (and supporting documentation) that comes in. At least a half dozen people review it! That being said, you can easily figure out that the amount you're paying isn't covering their time - the Church is subsidizing it.

If you know that there may be a problem I wouldn't suggest lying. (Jesus knows when you're lying too!) They tell you right up front not to book anything until your annulment is complete. This is just the way the process works and if you REALLY want a Roman Catholic wedding, this is the way it works.

Annulments can take a year, 18 months, sometimes more - depending on the couple involved. Even from the beginning of the process, it's hard WORK and will involve a lot of your time and the time of family who will be called upon to write lengthy testimony about you and your ex. (Hint: It's not solely about the reason for the divorce; too much to get into here.)

The good news is that the Church is VERY sensitive about these matters when you get into the process. They do not blame or condescend. The process is handled in a very respectful and caring manner. I'm going through it right now. :)

scottsbride Posted: Aug 30, 2012 08:42 AM

Stressed

Thanks for your input. We have decided to just use a wonderful Methodist Church that doesnt require my FH to get an annulment. They believe everyone has a past and we shouldnt be punished for it. I am actually very happy with my choice. The Pastor is very nice and has been a complete joy to work with them especially with all the problems with the Catholic Church. Anytime I call to ask a question his answer is always sure not a problem. So refreshing!!

vppjzv Posted: Aug 30, 2012 08:42 AM

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Supermans Posted: Aug 30, 2012 09:52 AM

Re: Stressed

I didn't read through both pates of posts, but I wanted to rec'o my church (It's in the city). I was married at Riverside. It is STUNNING the clergy is AMAZING, and while it looks like a very traditional Catholic Cathedral, it's 'Multi-Demoninational' which means different religions are practiced and recognized there and you can pick and choose which you want represented in your ceremony. We had a fairly traditional catholic ceremony, but were able to include a (i think) indian hand blessing. And the best part was that we didn't have to jump through hoops/cut through red tape/ follow all the Catholic rules and regulations.

FM me if you'd like info.

Noelle2013 Posted: Aug 30, 2012 09:56 AM

Re: Stressed

Posted by scottsbride

Thanks for your input. We have decided to just use a wonderful Methodist Church that doesnt require my FH to get an annulment. They believe everyone has a past and we shouldnt be punished for it. I am actually very happy with my choice. The Pastor is very nice and has been a complete joy to work with them especially with all the problems with the Catholic Church. Anytime I call to ask a question his answer is always sure not a problem. So refreshing!!

Sugaplum111905 Posted: Aug 30, 2012 03:44 PM

Re: Stressed

Posted by scottsbride

Thanks for your input. We have decided to just use a wonderful Methodist Church that doesnt require my FH to get an annulment. They believe everyone has a past and we shouldnt be punished for it. I am actually very happy with my choice. The Pastor is very nice and has been a complete joy to work with them especially with all the problems with the Catholic Church. Anytime I call to ask a question his answer is always sure not a problem. So refreshing!!