My grandmother passed away 2 years ago. She was the matriarch of our family and held us all together. Well my grandfather hs recently met a new woman online FROM ENGLAND?!? She came to visit once and NOBODY in the family wanted to meet her (including me) because it just doesnt feel right yet.
So....my e-party has been planned for August 25th for quite some time. He invited his lady friend from England to come back and visit and she willbe here on August 25th for my engagement party. I dont want her there. I think it will be uncomfortable for me and the rest of my fathers family to be meeting this person for the first time at my e-party?
I understand that he has the right to move on and not be lonely but he also needs to respect my feelings and the fact that he knew when my e-party was an invited this woman back to visit upsets me.
What do I do, do I just suck it up and deal with it or do I call him and let him know that maybe he should not bring her and see if she can change her plane ticket and go home 2 days earlier (as of now her return flight to london is the day after my e-party)????
This is totally not fair to put me in this position. Am I being selfish?
rahana316
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What is your reasons for not wanting her at your party??
FutureMrs.T
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I am not ready to meet this person in my grandfather's life who is essentially taking over where my grandmother is supposed to be. I was VERY close my grandmother and am not ready to see my grandfather with another woman. Most people in my family are not ready for it yet either. My dad thinks I should just have her at the party as well as one of my sisters. My other sister agrees with me and so does my aunt and cousin. It just stinks because the family is divided and I feel like this huge pressure is on me to make the call and it stinks I was put in this position
Mizzdimple
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I think that anyone would feel weird. But...if you are questioning yourself you should just go ahead and send it.
MikeandJess
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ok honestly I understand what you're saying and how you're feeling. However, IMO, your grandfather also deserves the right to be happy. Two years might not feel like a very long time to you but that is two years with no partner for your grandfather, he is probably very lonely. JMO, you should let him bring his british lady friend.
ant n tilde
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OK I am going to be honest here -- this is such a tough situation and i dont know how i would handle it
It IS going to be awkward having her at the party. . . especially in the beginning - but i think people will get over it.
And i am just thinking selfishly here but i would want to 'get it over with' BEFORE the wedding. . . get it out of the way - so if he brings her to the wedding ( which he most likely will) it will be 'old news' and not take away from the 'more important' day
good luck - this is a toughie!
rahana316
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Tough situation.
I guess the best thing to do is to have a sit down with your grandfather. Tell him honestly how your feel and see what he says. He is supposed to understand that you're not ready for this. YOU're also supposed to understand that your grandpa needs companion in your life. What if he didnt have anyone and he was miserable?? Wouldnt that make you feel sad for him??
If this lady is making him happy, then your might want to rethink.
Why dont you have a get together with just the three of you before the e-party??
MJDoc12
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this is a toughie--i know you feel a little betrayed, like your grandpa is just 'replacing' your grandma and it hurts....but try your best to step back from the situation. i know it hurts, but i'm sure it hurts your grandpa not having anyone in his life. sometimes we forget how it must feel for the widow itself--rather than how the family feels. just think--all the family members who are upset have SOMEONE to go home to at nite---and be with and have that companionship....but your grandpa doesn't have anyone. for whatver reason, he met this woman and she made the trip to be with him and wants to come back--that must mean she makes him happy and is important to him.
my sister's FIL was married for almost 50 years to his wife....they had 8 kids and countless grandkids. she passed on a few years ago, and she had a great sense of humor. she actually made a list of women that she just KNEW would be after him for dates, after she died...and said 'GO ahead! have fun, i'll be waiting for you' and long story short, the woman at the TOP of the list is now married to him. the family was VERY upset about it, but he told them 'you all have your lives and families, kids, jobs, etc. I am retired, and have no one--but she makes me happy and we have a great time...just be happy for me, that's all i want'
I know it has to be very hard, but just remember that your grandpa just wants to be happy in the twilight of his life......maybe sit down and talk with him and let him know how this makes you uncomfortable and see what he says. IF this woman is important to him, then perhaps its worth trying to understand their relationship.
kellybean
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Its hard not to look at it from both points of view...In fairness to you it is a day celebrating your engagment to your FH and you should be comfotable....on the other hand it is two years later and though the pain will never go away ..and it is going to hurt you ..your granfather has a right to be with someone and not be lonely.....Im sure in your heart and his your grandmother will never be replaced...But he shouldnt have to remain alone either....that being said have you discussed it with him?
jsta76
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Thats a really tough situation but don't stress yourself out about it.
If you sit by and don't say anything, the feelings are going to fester and only get worse. You obviously still need time to get over your loss. I don't think this woman should be forced onto you.
The important thing is that your grandfather is happy. But, maybe you need to talk with him about how you are feeling. Maybe it will do you both some good?! It's definetely not an easy situation and maybe if he understands where you are coming from he'll honor your request.
Good luck
Super2star
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I would be upset about it too...but your grandfather is probably REALLY lonely...and wants a new companion...I think you should invite her to your party...not for you...but for him...thats what I would do...
FutureMrs.T
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Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. Even though its not what I was hoping to hear, you guys are right. I just wish it was falling on a different day, not mine.....I am going to sit on it for a day or two so I dont make any rash decisions and then I will figure out what to do.
bemyyoko
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This is a really tough situation. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I can totally understand your point of view. The truth is, you'll have to meet this woman some day. Chances are, invited or not, she'll be your grandfather's guest at the wedding. Personally I'd rather get that out of the way before the big day. It'd probobly be easier for everyone involved if it happened sooner rather than later.
It will hurt. People will be uncomfortable. SHE will be uncomfortable. Everyone will 'get over it' eventually. You will never get over the loss of your grandmother. No one is asking you to. But this woman is not 'taking over' where your grandmother left off. She is not trying to take her place. Your grandfather is not trying to replace your grandmother.
He's lonely. He's hurting. He's found someone to help get him through those lonely painful days. I am sure he still thinks about your grandmother all day, every day. I am sure he misses her more than you can comprehend.
2 years may seem like nothing to you. But it is an eternity to someone who is grieving.
I'd cut him some slack. You want him to be happy right? I say let her come to the party. Get all the awkwardness out of the way now so that you don't have to worry about it at all come your wedding.
ant n tilde
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Posted by FutureMrs.T
Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. Even though its not what I was hoping to hear, you guys are right. I just wish it was falling on a different day, not mine.....I am going to sit on it for a day or two so I dont make any rash decisions and then I will figure out what to do.
just remember that it is SO easy for us to type out what YOU should do - but if we were in the same situation. . .we would be just as stressed.
good luck in whatever you choose!
bemyyoko
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Posted by FutureMrs.T
Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. Even though its not what I was hoping to hear, you guys are right. I just wish it was falling on a different day, not mine.....I am going to sit on it for a day or two so I dont make any rash decisions and then I will figure out what to do.
that's a really good idea.
Kurtsk8
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aw this is a tough one, but you have to realize that it will all work out in the end not matter what happens. If you really want to know what I think, just invite her. You are going to be so preoccupied running around and chattin up your other guests. There are DEFINITELY people I wouldn't want at my party that I know I kinda hafta invite, but it's not about them, it's about me! I know it's tough, but it will work out..I promise!!!
jessica08bride
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Posted by MikeandJess
ok honestly I understand what you're saying and how you're feeling. However, IMO, your grandfather also deserves the right to be happy. Two years might not feel like a very long time to you but that is two years with no partner for your grandfather, he is probably very lonely. JMO, you should let him bring his british lady friend.
I agree. we did run into this problem in our family with my uncle. we didnt like it but he was happy and he wanted her to be a part of the family. its been about 2 years and we're still not 100% in the happy zone but what can you do. we deal with it because we love him.
graezie
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wow, that's tough.
honestly, no matter how long or short has passed, you'd always feel weird to see a love one with someone else.
you see, all of you have your own partners to laugh with, cry and someone to share life with... for grandpa, this might be his light of hope and reason to continue in living.
i think you should let him bring his lady friend and get to know who she is. at least you'll get to spend some time with her before your big day.
no one will replace your grandma... and i'm sure she'll always be his number one girl no matter what.
hugs to you, girl!
JACK808
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Posted by MikeandJess
ok honestly I understand what you're saying and how you're feeling. However, IMO, your grandfather also deserves the right to be happy. Two years might not feel like a very long time to you but that is two years with no partner for your grandfather, he is probably very lonely. JMO, you should let him bring his british lady friend.
I agree.
dangell427
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this is a very hard place to be in. when my grandmother had her first few dates after my grandfathers passing i was very upset by it. i didn`t want to see him replaced. but you have to understand his place too. he may not want to spend the rest of his days alone, he should enjoy what is left of life. because i`m sure he his retired or soon to be and will be looking for things to do. you don`t want him t o be doing them alone do you? think to yourself whats worse??? your grandfather being alone and lonley or with this woman and happy?? you never know if you have an open mind about it she may just end up being a really cool sweet woman. no one is expecting you to love her like you did your grandmother, but give her a chance. why don`t you have a dinner with just them before your e-party just to see how things flow and if it doesn`t work for you then maybe pull your grandfather to the side and explain how you feel. good luck!! i hope it all works out.
