Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

I had a panic attack last night.... not pretty. Thankfully I knew what it was- or else I might've called an ambulance. I almost drove to the hospital though to beg them to give me something to make that awful feeling go away.

I'm planning my wedding in LI from Baltimore. I still need to find a photographer and DJ (no bands-too much $$). I can't get up to LI because I go to school full time during the week and I fly on the weekends (I'm a flight attendant). Everything has to be done on the interent until I can get up there.

I'm getting my undergrad in Speech Pathology. This semester I'm taking a class that is taught by the head of the graduate studies dept. I must dazzle this women and she intimidates the hell out of me. So far, I have a 4.0 in the major but for the first time, I truly feel like I can't wrap my head around this material. Everthing I've learned is now being used in a clinical application and I feel like my self confidance is gone. This class has made me rethink as to whether I can really do this. The problem is that I'm now 30,000 in debt with student loans and I can't do jack with a bachelor's degree in Speech Path. I HAVE to go to grad school.

Everyone says that I should go talk to my professor. But what am I going to say- 'please hold my hand, I don't understand anything.' This is more of a confidance issue than anything else. I KNOW I want to be a speech pathologist, I feel like this course might break me. There's a girl who is RETAKING the class because she got a B- last semester. A B-?! It was recommended to her to retake it (by this professor).

Add to the stress that we are in the process of buying a house. I know....I must be a masochist to do this to myself. The opportunity presented itself and we jumped. So far all is going smoothly.

I keep telling myself that 'THIS' is not something to gripe about. I'm lucky - I have an AWESOME FI (he has been so supportive), I'm getting married, I'm buying my dream house in the country, I have a great job that allows me to travel and go to school full time, and I'm at the top of my class, myself and my family are happy and healthy. This should be a happy time in my life-yet I'm miserable because I feel like the whole world is crashing in on me.

Ugh..... sorry for the whine - please help yourself to some cheese on the way out. Thanks for reading though.

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

My wedding is not for a year and a half and I am stressing already about all the details!!! Feel free to rant whenever u like, you're not alone!

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

Good luck, it gets much much more stressful as the date gets closer. A year ago was only the tip of the iceburg for me...

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

What you need to know is that no matter where you are right now emotionally, it's going to change, and it's going to get better. What's going on is there is just too much asking for your full attention now, and that is just impossible for anyone.

If I were you, I'd focus on my degree. The wedding, while you want it to be nice, will last exactly ONE day. Your degree and your career dreams will play out much longer. It will help very much to feel like you're in control if you make yourself a timeline and a schedule, putting down what needs IMMEDIATE attention, and what can WAIT. It will put things in perspective and give you a chance to see that you CAN do all of these things, just not all at the same time, and your confidence will return.

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

i am attending lawschool full time and work more than part time and planning my wedding from boston

I know where you are coming from - my family does not help me out much so it makes it hard

have you talked to your mom about asking for help or your FI -

i have also learned to delgate - i spent the 4 months of my engagement in Australia and New Zealand- i could be no help - but my FI and my parents picked our band

is it possible for you to have your FI look at DJs on the weekend - i figur eit is cheap for him to fly up - tell to grab a friend and find people- use the review page to narrow choices for him if you want more control

I wanted to commit law school many a time - but you have to think about why you did it - you probably want to help people - also top of the classs does not matter when you get in the real world that much it is better to know what you are doing so i would talk to professor maybe there are some outside sources that are going to help

sorry if i am being a little harsh - but with my engineering degree i learned it was better to ask then to worry about a professor thinking you are not compent - teachers are there to help and expect to get asked- they don't always know how clear they are explaining things

hope this helped

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

You poor baby! That is a lot of stress to be carrying. First of all, do talk to your professor and just tell her about feeling a little overwhelmed. She'll see your 4.0 GPA and know you are not some idiot, just someone trying her very best. After two masters degrees the one thing I learned is that most professors have huge egos. They love to know that you are seeking their guidance. It can only help you; I promise.
Secondly, I am planning from CA. This summer I spent one week and booked everyone from florist to photographer. I used this board for every recommendation but the band(which I found on the internet and booked just after watching a DVD-very risky). I just went with my gut and trusted that I was making the right decisions. If you are planning from out of town, you can't allow yourself to get bogged down in every detail since you can't go to every vendor you want. So trust word of mouth- it will seldom let you down.
Buying a house can be stressful too so leave a bulk of that to your fh. I bought my condo last year when I was finishing up graduate school and working full time. It was time-consuming but it all worked out in the end.
Take care of you first, the rest of this will all work out- promise!!!! Fm if you need to talk and sorry so long.

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

Hang in there! I'm going through some of the same stuff. I had to drop out of school this semester and next ( due to wedding) because I could not keep my GPA up nor afford the tuition and a wedding.
I have been having panic attacks as well, which I have had under control for a long time.

All I can say as far as advice goes..is take a step back from everything besides school..even if its for just a week, focus on school..talk to the professor, it will help...not everyone 'gets stuff right away in everything they teach. I too HATE when I dont KNOW it right away.

Allow herself to not ( as hard as it is) think about houses or weddings for a little bit. Once you get back to a place you feel comfortable you can start thinking again about the things to get done..

GOOD LUCK!

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

You have a lot going on in your life and it is no wonder you are feeling anxiety. I too am planning my wedding from the MD area (Germantown, MD) and I feel SO fortunate to have LIW as a resource. I have found many of my vendors through recommendations on the boards, and that has saved me a lot of research and time.

Since your wedding is a year away, maybe you should put off some of the planning until the end of the semester so you can focus on your class. Then in late December you will still have 10 months to plan. Some girls are engaged for a lot less than 10 months.

Regarding the DJ, see if your FH or a family member can go up to LI for a weekend to scope out DJs. I had my parents look into bands for us because we are never on LI during weekdays, when most of them hold showcases. I trusted my parents to find a good band. They made a videotape of the performance by the band they liked best, and we booked based on that.

Good luck! We're here for you!

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

I am so sorry! I know it can be extremely overwhelming. My best friend who is getting married in June 26,2005 is pretty much in the same boat...disertation, buying a new house, wedding, and full time job. My only words of advice may be to take everything one day at a time...don't try to think too far ahead, and use this site as a tool. You could use it as most have to narrow down which vendors or halls or get ideas on things. Good luck with everything!

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

Everything will fall in to place.
I planned my wedding from CO and although I booked in person it may as well been through the internet because I had no time to research multiple vendors.

If you need any help FM me.
Also have you thought about a coordinator that could help you out with some details?

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)

I planned my wedding from Chicago while I was in grad school. I was fortunate that I was able to go home to NY a few times to book my vendors. My advice is that you have to take a weekend and just do it. Maybe you can do it over Thanksgiving break.

Call vendors on the phone now, get more info about services and prices. Make appointments with vendors in two hour increments. That will give you time to meet and travel if you have to. Get very organized, before you get to NY type out who you are going to see, get directions, phone number together in a notebook or folder. The first time I went home I didn't make any calls and it was such a waste of time. The next time was so much more productive that I was able to book most of our vendors in a weekend.

Do you have any family members or friends who can do initial meetings for you and gather information?

As for school, I can definitely relate to having a difficult time in a class and not being able to 'get it'. Just talk to your professor and see if they can make any suggestions on additional materials that can help you.

Re: Stressed.....(long-and a little whiny)