Tacky issue...I need some help.

I HATE, HATE, HATE to talk about money like this, but I am just curious.

I am really looking forward to moving out of my FH's house. We are currently living with his parents to save some money for a house/wedding. I really, really, really want to purchase a house after the wedding. I am sort of hoping that we will have enough money after the wedding to put down on a house. I know it's a bit hopeful of me, but I hope it can happen. I can't stand living with his parents anymore, and I think spending money on an apartment is a waste of money. Especially with how expensive it is to rent.

Now, comes the tacky question.

For those who were married, did you get what you expected to get, or more? or less?

I don't want to think about any gifts/money from the wedding and hope for that to put down on a house b/c I know it may not happen. I am just curious. Thanks. And again, I feel gross asking it lol but I am just so darn curious.

well also remember that not every apartment is for rent, you can buy them too lol. I bought an apartment so i dont pay rent i pay a mortgage.

I knew not to expect a certain amount bc you never know, dh did though lol and so did my parents. IT was lower than what they expected. It was about what i expected.

Also, remember that many homes the downpayment can be high. We're talking about $60k-100k. I mean even for apartments when i was looking the downpayment was about $40k and even ALOT higher than that, quite a few were about $60k and higher, infact $40k was hard to find. Many were in the $60-80k range

So my suggestion is to not expect to get the FULL down payment from wedding money. Unless you can get less than 20% downpayment but then again not suggested bc if you do this then your monthly payments will be alot higher.

I don't know how much money we will get, and am not actually responding to that part of the question...

We bought our house last summer...with not a lot down. My point is you don't NEED to put a lot down! So, don't worry about that.

BTW...both of my friends got less than they expected from their wedding...and were not at all disappointed, because they had a ball!

Good Luck to you and FH! You will get out of there!!!!

also depends ALOT on how much you want to spend on a house. What is the price range at houses you are looking at?

bc this obviously will be the biggest factor. I know others say you DONT have to put a large down payment but depending on the price of the home, even a small one can be alot and more than what you would get from the wedding. ALso if you are putting less than 20% on a home that is a bit pricey then your monthly payments will be very high. The more you put down the less money you will pay a month. Just make sure if you do put less down its still VERY affordable for you monthly bc remember this is why we are in the situation we are now. ANd especially if you by chance will get an ADJ rate and with little money down, in the future that can come back and mess you up, which is why there are currently 7.2 million homes in foreclosure

um..in todays market I wouldnt count on anything. Loans are freezed up right now and you are going to need to put money down. In the past few months...everything has changed

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Posted by 111508Bride

I don't know how much money we will get, and am not actually responding to that part of the question...

We bought our house last summer...with not a lot down. My point is you don't NEED to put a lot down! So, don't worry about that.

BTW...both of my friends got less than they expected from their wedding...and were not at all disappointed, because they had a ball!

Good Luck to you and FH! You will get out of there!!!!

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The way the economy is now, you DO need a lot of money down. A lot of the reason that the economy is the way it is right now is because too much credit was given to people buying houses. Things are going to be a lot different now. It is definitely not going to be as easy as it was.

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Posted by JJC

um..in todays market I wouldnt count on anything. Loans are freezed up right now and you are going to need to put money down. In the past few months...everything has changed

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i agree, they made it ALOT harder for ppl to get a loan. Now its gotten even harder. Its not as easy to get for less than 20% down, well this past month made it even harder to do so.

i saw on the news that MANY private lenders and banks have stopped giving student loans as of yesterday. Not sure how long this will last. But assets are being frozen.

I do not think it is tacky at all to think about the gift money...no matter what ANYONE says...we are all counting on that money for something. Anyone who is getting thousands of dollars in one day is going to think about it so don't put yourself down. No it doesn't define the day but it is much needed as we all know....

I obviously don't know your financial situation as of right now. If you have a good amount of money saved already to add to the wedding money and that will be the down payment then great...also make sure that after depleting your savings, you and FH make enough monthly to afford the mortgage and bills.

If you are like most of us and DO NOT have $40,000 sitting in the bank, consider a coop or condo. Co-ops are much cheaper than condo's bc you don't 'technically' own it. However, when you move out and sell in a few years you will have a good chunk to put down on a house. We owned a 2 bedroom co-op in Suffolk for 2 years and it was around $160,000 much more affordable. NOW we own a 3 bdrm condo with full finished basement and a yard. It is beautiful and we paid $297,000 a little over a year ago. No it's not a house but very spacious and we can live here with a family comfortably for quite a few years. You can't get a half-way decent house for under $300,000 without putting thousands into it to make it livable.

I would consider one of those routes. You don't want to begin your marriage pinching every penny and fighting over moneyright from the start.

Good luck!

Thank you guys for your help.

We are having about 180 people right now, but I haven't sent invites out so I am not sure how many will show obviously.


I was thinking about a Co-op or a condo. I just hate the whole 'living right next to someone/attached house' thing. I like to have get togethers with friends, and I don't want people complaining about the noise or whatever.

Both of us have very good credit, but I am sure that with the way the economy is right now, we would need like 80k to put down on a 300,000 house right?

I expect it to be alot, and that is why I am just thinking about how much we would possibly get.

Maybe we will look into a condo/co-op b/c at least it will be OURS, and we wont have to live with his parents anymore.

Thank you all for your help :)

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Posted by traci506

I know it's not that easy with the economy, but there are ways to get in a house with very little down. I bought my house in May and dont mind telling you...I only paid $5k out of pocket. There is a Nehemiah grant that makes this possible. It's not really a grant...b/c you dont get anything...it just meneuvers money around to make it possible to get in without too much down. You have to have pretty good credit to qualify.

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Unfortunately Nehemiah doesn't exist anymore.

OMG, i dont think DH and I could afford a house in New York, i was completely shocked when i read about down payments around 40K.

In NJ since we where a 1st home buyer the min we had to put down was 3% of the purchase price of the home, but you can put down more if you want. Dh and I put down 5%. But then again the houses in NY are more expensive them some of the houses here in NJ. I mean we got a 3bedroom 2 bath 2 story colonial house on a 1/4 of an acre for $215k

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Posted by Espo22

also depends ALOT on how much you want to spend on a house. What is the price range at houses you are looking at?

bc this obviously will be the biggest factor. I know others say you DONT have to put a large down payment but depending on the price of the home, even a small one can be alot and more than what you would get from the wedding. ALso if you are putting less than 20% on a home that is a bit pricey then your monthly payments will be very high. The more you put down the less money you will pay a month. Just make sure if you do put less down its still VERY affordable for you monthly bc remember this is why we are in the situation we are now. ANd especially if you by chance will get an ADJ rate and with little money down, in the future that can come back and mess you up, which is why there are currently 7.2 million homes in foreclosure

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You are right. It all depends on what they pull up when they look at our credit as well. I may have good credit, but if they see that I have one too many credit cards they may take that into consideration when they calculate my ability to pay for a house loan. I suppose I will have to look more realistically at a condo/ co-op b/c I think that is the safest bet right now. It will still be our own place, but it wont cost us too much money.

Clearly, the economy is much different than it was last summer. But the prices of homes have also significantly dropped from last summer. I am still on MLSLI everyday!

You may need to put more money down to secure a home. A major reason is to avoid the extra money each month for PMI insurance...we just decided to jump on th house we found because we fell in love.....

Also...always go for fixed never adj.!

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Posted by lillprincess54

OMG, i dont think DH and I could afford a house in New York, i was completely shocked when i read about down payments around 40K.

In NJ since we where a 1st home buyer the min we had to put down was 3% of the purchase price of the home, but you can put down more if you want. Dh and I put down 5%. But then again the houses in NY are more expensive them some of the houses here in NJ. I mean we got a 3bedroom 2 bath 2 story colonial house on a 1/4 of an acre for $215k

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Can I tell you that I HATE you right now!


Ha ha ha Just kidding!

FH and I just bought a house. We got an FHA loan and put $3,000 out of pocket, that included closing costs. We have to pay PMI (mortgage insurance) because we didnt put the full 20% down. Our mortgage payment is under $2,500 and we are happy with our decision. We locked in with a reputable bank at 6.5% interest.

FYI ... our house is in Yaphank, on a 1/2 acre with three bedrooms, living room, kitchen, dinng room, 1 bathroom and a basement (which we are in the process of finishing.

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Posted by lillprincess54

OMG, i dont think DH and I could afford a house in New York, i was completely shocked when i read about down payments around 40K.

In NJ since we where a 1st home buyer the min we had to put down was 3% of the purchase price of the home, but you can put down more if you want. Dh and I put down 5%. But then again the houses in NY are more expensive them some of the houses here in NJ. I mean we got a 3bedroom 2 bath 2 story colonial house on a 1/4 of an acre for $215k

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I don't know if I want to commute to Mineola from NJ lol I obviously would love to have some place I could afford :( That is awesome though.

I know that through the union here at the courts, they have programs for first time home buyers, so I will look into those as well. :)

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Posted by Future_Farrell

Thank you guys for your help.

We are having about 180 people right now, but I haven't sent invites out so I am not sure how many will show obviously.


I was thinking about a Co-op or a condo. I just hate the whole 'living right next to someone/attached house' thing. I like to have get togethers with friends, and I don't want people complaining about the noise or whatever.

Both of us have very good credit, but I am sure that with the way the economy is right now, we would need like 80k to put down on a 300,000 house right?

I expect it to be alot, and that is why I am just thinking about how much we would possibly get.

Maybe we will look into a condo/co-op b/c at least it will be OURS, and we wont have to live with his parents anymore.

Thank you all for your help :)

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well this is one thing you have to think about. If you get a house for lets say even $300-400k which is about where it will start at. With $300k you need about $60k to put down at least at 20% down and if its higher than $300k then even more money. I had 275 guests and didnt make that let me just say that lol.

As far as the apartment and noise thing, its not really like that. Infact since i live in an apt i find it ALOT easier with the noise thing. People dont complain at all. Some places, unless you are going to have huge property on lots of acres, you will still have a house pretty close to you no matter what and they can still complain. I used to have this problem before moving into my apartment.

With co-op you will pay less for it BUT maintenance is higher on a co-op so in the end you can end up paying about the same montly. Condo's cost more money but maintenance is less money. So if you look at co-op's and condo's around the same price range, then remember to take maintenance into account.

Where i live in queens, homes start at $600k and let me say those in that price range are not in great condition. The neighborhood we grew up in the average home is $800-900k and not like they are huge. We wanted to stay in queens so originally when looking, unless we were willing to buy a home for about $800k it wasnt worth it. Infact i only found about 4 homes in queens for $500-600k its ridiculous, and that would've been with having to put a decent amount into the house.

We also like a different lifestyle, we dont want to move to the suburbs so for us its easier. He doesnt want to have to mow the lawn, shovel snow and all that right now hahaha. Although now we have to bc of his job but thats a different story.

With the economy at this very moment, its going to be hard. They dont just look at your credit and income anymore, there are other things they look at too. I also dont know how smart it is to not put 20% down, unless the mortgage still comes out to be VERY affordable for you and FH. Dont look for a place just bc you can put less down this is what alot of ppl did and in the end they couldn't afford it. Some ppl do focus just on being able to put a low down payment and dont consider other things.