'I am paying for your shower favors and instead of asking the other BM's to split that with me, that is my shower gift to you. I bought you a Keureg (s/p?) coffee maker and I'm just going to give you that at the wedding as your gift.'
Be honest, I am totally not making this up and really am in shock.
SparkyandAng
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Being honest, I was perfectly fine with the shower being your gift, until you got to the coffee maker as your wedding gift. Not so okay with that.
Maria31
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I would feel like sh!t actually! Favors are NOT a gift... I would be really upset!
ETA: AND a coffee maker as your wedding gift????? WOW! I prob wouldnt come out and say anything to her, but I'd have another BM or something, tell her that those are not acceptable gifts!
Newsysuzy12
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I would be ok with it actually. I would really like that the BM's have one less thing to pay for. Not saying you are wrong for feeling differently, but I worry about people having to spend more on me than they could afford.
Browneyesncute
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
it wouldn't bother me, it actually wouldn't bother me if one of my BM's couldn't afford to give us a wedding present
* but that is me you know your friend and have a right to feel the way you do!
escobooker
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
She shoulve asked you what you actually wanted, thats what I woulve done, shes arleady telling you what she wants to give you why not ask what you want and give that instead.
MrsHtobe
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I don't think there is anything wrong with her giving the shower favors as your gift - its contributing to your shower, and she can't afford a gift and to pay for it, so she is paying for one, not the other.
That being said, I don't know if I would appreciate an abrupt statement like that - I'm not sure the right way to approach that situation, but she might have spent a lot of money on the favors - or maybe she got a little push back from the other BMs about contributing, so she is saving the coffee maker?
In regards to the wedding - I'll be honest. I could barely afford anything for my sister's or cousin's wedding (I was MOH in both) and my friend's(where I was a BM).
I had spent so much money on their showers / engagement parties / dress / bachelorette party, that I couldn't afford much of a gift at all (this was fresh out of college and all within the same year). For my cousin's wedding, I couldn't give anything at the time and had to send a gift a couple months later
While I understand that its harsh to hear that - and to hear her like - justifying every dollar she spends - she might be stretching herself a little thin and wanted to let you know her plan so that you didn't think she was 'stiffing' you.
I don't know, I'm sorry that you feel hurt by it, but I wouldn't think about it. Think of everything she is doing to help make your day special
missexcited
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I dont think she had to say it like that....but I honestly dont expect a gift from my BMs
angl2001
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
i dunno.....all my Bms chipped in for the shower AND gave gifts............but a kuerig is like $200 so i think thats a pretty good gift. If you dont like it return it....
Kerin2804
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
It is a gift and usually we do not get to pick out a gift. Maybe she is on a budget.
megzzie
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I wouldn't be upset about the gifts, but I would be upset about such an abrupt statement. I think she could have definitely handled it better.
Kricket212
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I agree with everyone else. It's nice that she is doing that stuff. The economy is really struggling these days. Times are rough. I happened to know when My shower is & have been buying little things for the shower. Ex: Place cards (We are having assigned seating) and also with Bingo at the shower....we will win prizes so I have been buying all that. My bridesmaids are also buying the dresses, shoes ex..thats like another $250- I say appreciate her thought!!
mRm2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Thanks guys She is not the most tactful person, but that's just the way she is.
I guess the part that upsets me is that the favors are ceramics from her MIL's ceramic shop. My sister (maid of honor) and my 78 year old grandmother helped make them. I could totally understand her MIL (who is also invited to shower and wedding) giving the favors as a gift. It just caught me off guard
Snick n Nick
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by Browneyesncute
it wouldn't bother me, it actually wouldn't bother me if one of my BM's couldn't afford to give us a wedding present
* but that is me you know your friend and have a right to feel the way you do!
I agree with the sentiment here, BUT I think the way she put it to you and told you was totally awful!! Just so blunt like that! and telling you what your wedding gift was!!
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by MrsHtobe
I don't think there is anything wrong with her giving the shower favors as your gift - its contributing to your shower, and she can't afford a gift and to pay for it, so she is paying for one, not the other.
That being said, I don't know if I would appreciate an abrupt statement like that - I'm not sure the right way to approach that situation, but she might have spent a lot of money on the favors - or maybe she got a little push back from the other BMs about contributing, so she is saving the coffee maker?
In regards to the wedding - I'll be honest. I could barely afford anything for my sister's or cousin's wedding (I was MOH in both) and my friend's(where I was a BM).
I had spent so much money on their showers / engagement parties / dress / bachelorette party, that I couldn't afford much of a gift at all (this was fresh out of college and all within the same year). For my cousin's wedding, I couldn't give anything at the time and had to send a gift a couple months later
While I understand that its harsh to hear that - and to hear her like - justifying every dollar she spends - she might be stretching herself a little thin and wanted to let you know her plan so that you didn't think she was 'stiffing' you.
I don't know, I'm sorry that you feel hurt by it, but I wouldn't think about it. Think of everything she is doing to help make your day special
ITA. For my sister's wedding, I made her a scrapbook of the two of us, which cost me $300. I gave it to her at her b-party weekend, and instead of giving cash for a gift, I gave them toys and things for the dog I knew they wanted (and got two weeks after coming home from their honeymoon). When you have all of that other stuff to pay for, it's hard.
ttdiff11
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
one word....wow!
mariaobride
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
i dont know i think i would have been a bit insulted with her approach ( of course I wasnt there so I dont know the tone or anything) it almost sounds as though she was trying to get her 'financial' point across to you i would feel a bit uncomfortable I think sometimes the less said the better
Gigi08
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Maybe she feels funny and is a little embarrassed, so that's why she came off a little abruptly?? Sometimes when people have a hard time saying something, they don't come across well.
wundmoretime
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
There was an article in Dear Amy yesterday were some MOH don't buy gifts for the B&G because of the other expenses. It can go either way. I think that she should see if the other BM's want to chip in, they may be insulted, otherwise I think that is a sufficent shower gift. She should not be telling you what she is giving for a wedding gift though. Mentioning it to you was tacky.
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by Gigi08
Maybe she feels funny and is a little embarrassed, so that's why she came off a little abruptly?? Sometimes when people have a hard time saying something, they don't come across well.
I agree. This happens to me sometimes.
I don't think I would be offended by what she is doing, but I would be put off by the way she presented it.
My roommate in college was VERY un-tactful. This is something she would do, honestly.
Does your MOH happen to live in Delaware???? It could be the same person, seriously.
