'I am paying for your shower favors and instead of asking the other BM's to split that with me, that is my shower gift to you. I bought you a Keureg (s/p?) coffee maker and I'm just going to give you that at the wedding as your gift.'
Be honest, I am totally not making this up and really am in shock.
Gigi08
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by JBoothIn2008
Posted by Gigi08
Maybe she feels funny and is a little embarrassed, so that's why she came off a little abruptly?? Sometimes when people have a hard time saying something, they don't come across well.
I agree. This happens to me sometimes.
I don't think I would be offended by what she is doing, but I would be put off by the way she presented it.
My roommate in college was VERY un-tactful. This is something she would do, honestly.
Does your MOH happen to live in Delaware???? It could be the same person, seriously.
mRm2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by JBoothIn2008
Posted by Gigi08
Maybe she feels funny and is a little embarrassed, so that's why she came off a little abruptly?? Sometimes when people have a hard time saying something, they don't come across well.
I agree. This happens to me sometimes.
I don't think I would be offended by what she is doing, but I would be put off by the way she presented it.
My roommate in college was VERY un-tactful. This is something she would do, honestly.
Does your MOH happen to live in Delaware???? It could be the same person, seriously.
LOL no she is not from Delaware. There is so much more history to this then I can ever put down without a post becoming longggggggggggg. The short version is that my Mom, Nana, sister, MOH and the other two BM's sat down in March and laid out who is paying for what. My family paid for the location and catering, MOH was to cover favors and the other bridesmaids would split the cost of cake, decorations, ect. All was agreed upon. And then the comment today. My response to her was 'whatever you feel you need to do is fine with me.' That was the only thing I knew to say.
I guess as the whole wedding 'process' unfolds it can really offer some eye openers. My family has been so supportive the whole time and that's what matters the most.
KK Holiday
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
jaep129
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
My girls all payed for the decorations and favors. They didnt even give me a card. Also, I didnt know till the next day when I said to my sister (MOH) that the girls didnt get me anything or a card. At least she is giving you a heads up. I think its a nice idea.
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I would be kind of upset..favors aren't really a gift..but at the same time..if she is helping with the cost of the shower..that is a gift!
Jamnike
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
thats an expensive coffee maker...i wouldnt be upset. but thats me :) its not about the gifts or money for your shower too, if someone took time to spend it with you and celebrate with you, thats all that matters
NYCGirl2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
FAvors aren't a gift. But if she cannot afford to give you a gift I would understand. Her approach is terrible though, a sweet note explaining the situation would have been more tactful. I have no issues with the coffeemaker as a WP I would be psyched about it personally.
drpepper318
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I think I'd have mixed emotions about it. I think initially I'd be annoyed but then I'd get over it. After all, she is giving you a wedding present and not stiffing you on that, so I'd be grateful for that much. The paying for favors thing as a shower gift is kind of weird but maybe she can't afford to do any more than that? The way she told you this so abruptly I think would take anyone off guard though.
jessnstu08
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I think it was how she said it more then what she said that was the turn off . i would be annoyed for a second and then let it go, she didn't realize how bad it sounded coming out of her mouth.
040508Bride
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
whats her financial situation like??? Maybe this wedding is costing her a lot?? IDK....IMO, if she's a good friend and a loyal person to you, that's the most you can ask for. DH's Best Man has all of a sudden turned into the biggest a-hole in the entire universe and I regret the day we decided to have him in our wedding party. He destroyed DH's speech and humiliated himself in front of all of our guests.......don't get hung up on the small things hun
Kimbalina
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
I was fine with the favors..
Ehhhh about a coffee maker for my wedding.. unless you REALLLY wanted that coffee maker.
mRm2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Ok for those of you who wondered about her financial situation. .....she is a doctor, both her and her husband are. I work for them, I manage the clinic they run.
PLEASE PLEASE don't think I wrote this post because of that fact, and with the thoughts that because of what they do they would give me
I posted this because she has been my friend for 10 years and our families are extremely close. I was very hurt when she said it.....more with the manner in which she said it. Its amazing how someone's words can just make a friendship and one's self seem so worthless
mRm2008
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by Kimbalina
I was fine with the favors..
Ehhhh about a coffee maker for my wedding.. unless you REALLLY wanted that coffee maker.
The funny thing is, when I told her I was registering she was like 'DO NOT PUT THAT ON THE REGISTRY BECAUSE I AM GETTING THAT FOR YOU'....okey dokey then
klanghan
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by SparkyandAng
Being honest, I was perfectly fine with the shower being your gift, until you got to the coffee maker as your wedding gift. Not so okay with that.
ditto, From what i know BM pay for the shower and don't need to do anything else. They put alot of work into it, but the coffee maker as a gift....hmm......not cool
futuremrsfab
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by mRm2008
Ok for those of you who wondered about her financial situation. .....she is a doctor, both her and her husband are. I work for them, I manage the clinic they run.
PLEASE PLEASE don't think I wrote this post because of that fact, and with the thoughts that because of what they do they would give me
I posted this because she has been my friend for 10 years and our families are extremely close. I was very hurt when she said it.....more with the manner in which she said it. Its amazing how someone's words can just make a friendship and one's self seem so worthless
yea I dont think its the gift thats hurtful, it seems to be her approach- so I understand where you are coming from and you have a right to be upset... at a later date, maybe you can talk to her about her bluntness
FinallyEngaged
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Re: Tell me how you would feel....
Posted by SparkyandAng
Being honest, I was perfectly fine with the shower being your gift, until you got to the coffee maker as your wedding gift. Not so okay with that.
