TGI FUNNIES (12/17/10)
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Never tell your wife that her new white shirt with black flowers print reminds you of a cow. #LFMF
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When wrapping gifts, remember that your cat loves ribbon and will use her claws when she pounces. Don't bleed on the gifts. #LFMF
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Curling your hair naked seems like a brilliant idea. However, it loses all appeal when you are running your burned nipple under cold water. #LFMF
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When flinging open the front door for your boyfriend while wearing a school girl outfit, remember that you reported your car broken into, and that police will come by at any hour to update you on finding your stuff. #LFMF
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Don't ever say 'I take anal to a whole new level,' even if you are just talking about being organized. #LFMF
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Today, I was texting a friend about how smelly my group-mate was, when I saw him peeping over my shoulder. I said sorry, and recommended a cologne. Turned out he wasn't reading what I was texting. FML
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Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML
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Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
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Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML
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the end...
